”Why Not To Lose Yourself In A Relationship”


“The only person you should ever fear losing in a relationship is you yourself.” 
― Miya Yamanouchi

If you’re anything like me, the minute you commit yourself to a partner, everything starts to revolve around him or her. You want to make sure you meet his or her needs, but you’re also unconsciously always thinking of ways to make him or her happy. You genuinely like striving to be the perfect partner. Totally understandable. But while you’re submerging yourself in the life of this other person, you may not be making your own the priority it should be.

How do you find the balance between giving to your partner and holding onto yourself in the process?

The goal of a relationship is to be close and still maintain an identity as a separate person. When people are in an individuated state(link is external), they are happier and more optimistic. They have a stronger sense of themselves so they are capable of more intimacy, love and passion in their relationship.


The only way to stay yourself in a relationship:-

Maintain your interests: –When two people fall in love, they experience themselves and each other as separate individuals with distinct identities, and their own ideas, interests and friends.  Their individuality makes them interesting to each other.

* Maintain interests that were important to you before becoming involved in your relationship.

* Keep up friendships that were important to you when you were single.

* Encourage your partner to maintain interests that have always been meaningful to him/her.

* Support your partner maintaining friendships that were important to him/her before knowing you.


Establish meaningful communication: –Two people sharing life together have much to talk about. It is important for them to develop an open and compassionate style of talking and listening to one another.

* Keep your communication with your partner meaningful by making sure it is more than from just small talk, superficial chit-chat or practical conversations.

* Make time to sit down together and talk about yourselves personally.

* Make eye contact with one another when you talk.

* Don’t just discuss your relationship or the kids; each of you should make a point to talk about him/herself while the other listens.

* Listen to your partner with compassion and without judgment; with the same respect, you would offer any other human being.


Give importance to your sexual relationship:-Sexuality is not only an intimate expression of love between two people, it is a significant aspect of who you are as an adult. Pay attention to your sexuality: enjoy the playfulness of flirting, the tenderness of affectionate contact, and the passion of lovemaking.

* Be flirtatious: it’s intimate, sexy and it’s fun! It is also a way of acknowledging each other as a separate people.

* Make time to be romantic, plan a date night. Give romance equal time to the other aspects of your life together (children, career, etc.).

* Be fully present in your lovemaking. Maintain eye contact, talk; shut out the rest of the world and really be together.

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39 thoughts on “”Why Not To Lose Yourself In A Relationship””

  1. This post is so good!!

    I found when I met my boyfriend that, at the start, I fell into the trap of trying to be the ‘perfect partner. Eventually he moved about 3 hours away for his university placement year, and I realised just how much of my life I’d given up – not that he’d asked me to, I just wanted to make sure I was being ‘perfect’.

    Something I did find interesting was that I didn’t actually stop being friends with people because of the amount of time I was spending with him, but because those friendships were built on being single girls. Once I wasn’t going clubbing as much and didn’t have any new horror date stories to tell there was very little else that we had in common. It was upsetting to realise these were friendships of convenience, but also refreshing to have time for new friends who I had more in common with.

    Can’t wait to read more of your posts – if you have time check out my very new (aka slightly lacking in content right now!) blog https://ageofescapades.wordpress.com/


  2. I used to give myself completely away in past relationships. And I almost did to my current one too, only my partner wouldn’t let me give myself away. He encouraged me to still do thing important to myself. He has taught me a lot about how to love a person completely. And words can’t express how grateful I am to him. I hope that whoever you chose to love loves you just as hard. I’ve never experienced the joy of loving someone who loves me just as hard back until now. Because we both allow each other to be independent and do our own things and we both flourish and grow on our own as well as together.


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