”Don’t Worry Be Happy”

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“ Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength. …“ If a problem is fixable, if a situation is such that you can do something about it, then there is no need to worry”

We often get so caught up with the future and how our lives will be months or years from now that we fail to recognise that the only moment we have is the present. Even though we know we cannot change anything that has happened to us in the past, we still can easily fall into the trap of dwelling on the past and wishing that things had been different or better.

Similarly, becoming too focused or driven to create a better future can result in us missing the beauty, wonder, joy and miracles that are around us right now. While there is a lot of value in knowing where we want to go in the future, it does not mean we obsess about the future and forget to really enjoy and appreciate the only thing we will ever have — this present moment.

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If you’re anything like me, you might worry like it’s a second job: if the coffee is good or bad, if we’ll get that promotion, and what diseases the future has in store for us. The unfortunate part is that this all-consuming gig doesn’t pay money—it pays in stress, unhappiness, anxiety, and inner turmoil.

It can feel almost unbearable waiting for these future outcomes to transpire. Sometimes our worries are small and manageable and pass, but sometimes worry becomes a chronic default setting. When we worry chronically, it becomes second nature to live in this revved-up state of anxiety and restlessness. Know that you’re not alone; chances are if you are breathing you are likely worrying.

Here’s how to worry less and live more:

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  • Think about worrying differently:What purpose does worry serve? Does it make problems go away? Prevent them from happening? Or make them worse?

 

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  • Allow yourself time to worry:                                                                                        Many chronic worriers feel they have no control over it. They tell themselves things such as “just don’t worry” or “don’t think about it”. This thought stopping approach rarely works. The reason — it’s a negative command and people simply don’t process these well. It forces you to think about the very thing you’re trying to avoid.

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  • Control: 
    Ask yourself: do I have control over the issue? So many of the things people worry about they have absolutely no control over yet it dominates their thinking. For example, the weather. We can’t control it but we can certainly prepare for it.

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  • Fact or fiction? 
    On a piece of paper make four columns. On the far left write the worry you’re having. In the next column identify whether it is fact or fiction and if there’s any real evidence to support your belief. Then write an alternative way of thinking and finally, think about whether the original thought was helpful or not.

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  • Be a problem solver:
    There’s a big difference between worrying and problem-solving. The former is about repeating thoughts that are unhelpful and leads to more stress and worry and gets in the way of actually enjoying life and being productive. The latter is focused on getting out of the current way of thinking and making life better. Put on your problem-solver hat and think about solutions. How might you advise a friend who has a similar concern? What steps would you take to ensure a solution? Take action now.

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  • Make friends with uncertainty:                                                                                        Feel okay about not knowing exactly how things will turn out. Accept the unpredictability of life. Can you imagine how dull life would be if we knew everything that would happen? Think of all that is right with life and embrace ambiguity.
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”What Other People Think About You Is None Of Your Business!!!”

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”Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect. ”Mark Twain

When you care about what others think of youYOU GIVE YOUR POWER AWAY. You effectively disempower yourself. Wondering, worrying or being concerned about what others think of you is the number one reason why people experience stress, anxiety, and fear.

What other people think about you is none of your business.

It’s their business.

Wasting your time thinking about what they are thinking about you serves nothing.

Seeking approval is a waste of your time and energy. It will only bring you suffering.

It’s not about whether others approve of you but if you approve of you.

This is what counts.

How people perceive you reveal more about them than it does about you. People will perceive you based on their own conditioning and filters. So don’t take it personally.

We sometimes hold back being fully ourselves or stepping out and living our purpose in a big way because of the fear of being judged and what people will think or say.

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Here’s the deal: When you put yourself out there in the world and dare to follow your dreams, it is a risk. It is a vulnerable and courageous act.

People will judge you.

People will talk about you.

People will project their stuff onto you.

It is what it is.

In fact, some people won’t like you. And they don’t even know you. This is unavoidable. Make peace with this up front.

Do not give those who don’t even know you the power to determine your happiness.

Do not give even those who know you the power to determine who you should be and what your limits are.

Know who you are.

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As you accept yourself as you are and as you are not, you become powerful. You consolidate your energy and remain rooted in your center. You become free.

When you no longer seek other people’s approval, you are free. As you unhook yourself from other people’s validation, you become truly powerful.

Your soul is already SELF-validated.

You can please some of the people some of the time, but you can’t please all the people all of the time. In fact, there will be those who, no matter what you do, will think negatively and never be satisfied. This has nothing to do with you.

Jesus. Bruce Lee. Gandhi. Bob Marley. Martin Luther King Jr. They all had people who didn’t like them.

Remember that there really are no enemies. Just those who don’t know you yet and neither themselves.

At the end of the day, you are the one who has to live with yourself.

Even if you do get others’ approval, if it’s at the expense of yourself, it won’t be truly satisfying.

Trying to get people’s approval is a form of control. But in doing so, you are the one who ends up controlled.

The energy it takes is not worth it, as it often requires you give up a part of yourself in order to get the approval.

It’s expensive.

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As I often say, if everyone likes you, you might want to be concerned. When you follow your heart, you will make waves in this world.

You will stand out.

You will upset some people.

You will create change.

Life is a daring adventure to be lived with no regrets.

It takes true boldness to be yourself fully.

People have the right to think whatever they want to think about you.

Let that be their business.

So what do you think about you?

What other people think about you is none of your business!

”So What Are You Worrying About”

”Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia. ”– Charles Schulz

What does that mean?
To me, this is a reminder that too many people worry about too many things. How can the world end today? It’s already tomorrow in Australia and quite a number of other places. We really need to get a grip sometimes.

We tend to worry about the things we have the least control over. If the world was going to end sometime soon, do you really think you could make a difference? Do you think you could stop it from happening? Perhaps in a movie, but in real life, probably not.

Why is not worrying important?
What are you worrying about? If you can do something about it, then get busy. If not, what does worrying do for you? I don’t know about you, but it makes me nuts. Worrying gives me headaches, back-aches, nervous tics and irritates my entire body, mind, and spirit. Not a good thing to have going on.

I try to do the opposite of worry, which to me is to relax and to be calm. I know, it’s not always easy. But I’ve been working at it for a decade and I think I may just get out of this life without an ulcer.

How do you feel when you worry about something you have no power to change? Or worse yet, how do you feel when you are worrying about something you have the power to change, but aren’t busy changing it?

Where can I apply this in my life?
I use faith in a higher power as a crutch in times of worry. I firmly believe that we aren’t given anything we can’t handle.

Some might ask “what about cancer or some other fatal illness?” My response would be to remind them that everything that is born will eventually die. The only variable is when, where and how. By “handling” a fatal situation, I would fight like hell to keep alive for as long as possible, but try to set an example in my death. Worrying won’t make that situation any better, right?

What are the things you worry about? Your weight? Your breath? How you will do an interview or a test? My advice is to do what you can to prepare, and then ride it out. Find a program to alter your lifestyle, not a diet that you will eventually give up on. Brush your teeth, gargle, and stay away from garlic. Study and prepare, and then relax.

Grab some paper and write down all the things you are worried about right now. Sort through them and look for a pattern. How many are in your control to influence? The rest should be outside your ability to influence, right?

For all the items that are outside your control or ability to influence, quit worrying about them. It might be a good idea to make some contingency plans so that you are as prepared as possible for any of the possible outcomes, but don’t worry.

For all the items that are within your control or ability to influence, get a plan, some thoughts at least, and get busy. Find others who have been through whatever it is that is worrying you and get some ideas on how to deal with the situation and get busy. Do research on the web or in the library and find out more about the situation and how experts recommend you deal with it and get busy. Find a help group or a professional who deals with your situation, get some assistance and then get busy. Did you notice a thread in this section? If it’s within your control or power to influence, don’t worry, get busy!

There’s another quote that deals with worry that I really like: “Don’t worry about the little stuff.” It has a corollary, “It’s all little stuff.” So what are you worrying about?