Family-not related by blood but by heart

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When friends become family it’s rare. Some people do come and go, in fact, a lot of people do. So when the right people come into your life, hold on tight and prepare yourself for a wild ride.

They will see your imperfections and love them while you can only pick them out.

Almost everything you have hated about yourself is loved by your family; your second family.

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It is not about the time you have known them. Time is infinite. You can know them for a month and feel more connected, safer than someone who you have known for years. Stop thinking about the time. When the universe wants to put the right people into your life there is no warning.

You either reject it or accept it.

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When friends become family the closeness amplifies. By just one look every emotion is shown because they know you that much. Suddenly one word speaks thousands and silence says more than any word possibly can.

When friends become family, you have a support system. There are people who have your back or try to 24/7. They do this because they want to not because they have to. No one picks your friends for you. No one tells your friends to do anything they don’t want to do.

When friends become family, know you are a lucky one. In this world, friends can be seen as a passing by. People are more connected to followers behind a phone screen then human beings in front of them. Embrace these people.

When my friends became family I felt like I suddenly got something right in my life. All the wrong decisions I have ever made finally made sense because it led me to my family. My people.

You click faster than the social media follower clicked on your profile.

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When my friends became family I finally had a constant in my life.

When friends become family, know you are lucky and know what you have is rare. It may not be sweet sailing but nothing is ever perfect when human beings are concerned. Just breathe and know the moment when you are around with the people you love the most that you are right where you need to be.

Who Thinks About Thinking?

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”If you draw inaccurate conclusions about who you are and what you’re capable of doing, you’ll limit your potential.”

Your mind is very powerful. Yet, if you’re like most people, you probably spend very little time reflecting on the way you think. After all, who thinks about thinking?

But, the way you think about yourself turns into your reality. If you draw inaccurate conclusions about who you are and what you’re capable of doing, you’ll limit your potential.

I see this happen all the time in my therapy office. Someone will come in saying, “I’m just not good enough to advance in my career.” That assumption leads her to feel discouraged and causes her to put in less effort. That lack of effort prevents her from getting a promotion.

Or, someone will say, “I’m really socially awkward.” So when that individual goes to a social gathering, he stays to in the corner by himself. When no one speaks to him, it reinforces his belief that he must be socially awkward.

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Your Beliefs Get Reinforced: –Once you draw a conclusion about yourself, you’re likely to do two things; look for evidence that reinforces your belief and discounts anything that runs contrary to your belief.

Someone who develops the belief that he’s a failure, for example, will view each mistake as proof that he’s not good enough. When he does succeed at something, he’ll chalk it up to luck.

Consider for a minute that it might not be your lack of talent or lack of skills that are holding you back. Instead, it might be your beliefs that keep you from performing at your peak.

Creating a more positive outlook can lead to better outcomes. That’s not to say positive thoughts have magical powers. But optimistic thoughts lead to productive behaviour, which increases your chances of a successful outcome.

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Challenge Your Conclusions: –Take a look at the labels you’ve placed on yourself. Maybe you’ve declared yourself incompetent. Or perhaps you’ve decided you’re a bad leader.

Remind yourself that you don’t have to allow those beliefs to restrict your potential. Just because you think something, doesn’t make it true.

The good news is, you can change how you think. You can alter your perception and change your life. Here are two ways to challenge your beliefs:

• Look for evidence to the contrary. Take note of any times when your beliefs weren’t reinforced. Acknowledging exceptions to the rule will remind you that your belief isn’t always true.

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• Challenge your beliefs. Perform behavioural experiments that test how true your beliefs really are. If you think you’re not good enough, do something that helps you to feel worthy. If you’ve labelled yourself too wimpy to step outside of your comfort zone, force yourself to do something that feels a little uncomfortable.

With practice, you can train your brain to think differently. When you give up those self-limiting beliefs, you’ll be better equipped to reach your greatest potential.

”No One Deserves Abuse”

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Verbal abuse is still abuse. It’s abuse in the form of words. Don’t assume that a few hurtful words won’t cost them their life. Words hurt.”

Give yourself permission to get away from anything that causes you pain. If it is someone that causes that pain seriously evaluate how important that person is to you. Ask yourself is it worth going through any emotional, financial or mental or even through physical abuse just to stay with them?
Abusive relationships have many underlying issues in common. Men and women who drink and use too many drugs or men and women who have anger issues that are related to past experiences that they haven’t been able to heal from.

when addiction enters the scene it is never a good thing. these people are often not themselves when they’re under the influence whether it’s alcohol or drug abuse. They often have major emotional issues that can’t be solved by being romantically involved with a new boyfriend or girlfriend. It requires them to step outside their own comfort zone and reflect on themselves. I’ve seen people get out of that scene and I’ve seen people who were never able to.

We live in a time where women have equal opportunities to work and save up their own money, they no longer need to be financially dependent on men. Many of these abusive relationships have a lot of problems with co-dependency especially financially and emotional dependency and they have unhealthy sexual lifestyles regardless if it is consensual or not but of course consensual is preferred. However, when addiction is in the mix it can lead to a dysfunctional sex life and this can cause many problems in a relationship or marriage. When you don’t have social or financial independence in these relationships it can cause issues.

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drug and alcohol abuse is so common in abusive relationships you can practically predict who is going to experience it and who’s not going to. these people often struggle a great deal with underlying emotional issues that require the individual to realize and understand they have issues, but most importantly they have to make that decision for themselves to get help and work on staying sober learning how to deal with their issues without turning to booze and drugs.

It’s normal for couples to argue, but domestic violence is never okay no matter what gender. We tend to hold men in a higher standard because we’re physically stronger, but women can also cause a lot of damage, women are more likely to use weapons and blunt objects or knives than men. When there are drug and alcohol abuse and there is a weapon in the household the chances of murder or manslaughter increases 500 %.

”For The Moment Of Happiness”

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“Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.” 
― Dr Seuss

What do you need to be happy? All too often, we list the things we want: a bigger house, a cooler car, a trip around the world, money for retirement, a new friend or lover.

While striving for more is one of the things that makes us great, it’s never wise to make your happiness dependent on it. All too often, it’s hard to bring the things we want into our lives.

But one thing you do have the power to do is let go of things you don’t want or need. Whether out of habit or because of peer pressure or family pressure, we often cling to poisonous thoughts, feelings, and individuals.

Our unrealistic expectations set us up for failure, and our addiction to toxic people and activities brings us down. And then we wonder why it’s so hard to be happy.

Well, this year is going fine, and I can say: It did. I made myself happier. And along the way, I learned a lot about how to be happier. Here are those lessons.

1. Don’t start with profundities. When I began my Happiness Project, I realized pretty quickly that, rather than jumping in with lengthy daily meditation or answering deep questions of self-identity, I should start with the basics, like going to sleep at a decent hour and not letting myself get too hungry. Science backs this up; these two factors have a big impact on happiness.

2. Do let the sun go down on anger. I had always scrupulously aired every irritation as soon as possible, to make sure I vented all bad feelings before bedtime. Studies show, however, that the notion of anger catharsis is poppycock. Expressing anger related to minor, fleeting annoyances just amplifies bad feelings, while not expressing anger often allows it to dissipate.

3. Fake it till you feel it. Feelings follow actions. If I’m feeling low, I deliberately act cheery, and I find myself actually feeling happier. If I’m feeling angry at someone, I do something thoughtful for her and my feelings toward her soften. This strategy is uncannily effective.

4. Realize that anything worth doing is worth doing badly. Challenge and novelty are key elements of happiness. The brain is stimulated by surprise, and successfully dealing with an unexpected situation gives a powerful sense of satisfaction. People who do new things―learn a game, travel to unfamiliar places―are happier than people who stick to familiar activities that they already do well. I often remind myself to “Enjoy the fun of failure” and tackle some daunting goal.

5. Don’t treat the blues with a “treat.” Often the things I choose as “treats” aren’t good for me. The pleasure lasts a minute, but then feelings of guilt and loss of control and other negative consequences deepen the lousiness of the day. While it’s easy to think, I’ll feel good after I have a few glasses of wine…a pint of ice cream…a cigarette…a new pair of jeans, it’s worth pausing to ask whether this will truly make things better.

6. Buy some happiness. Our basic psychological needs include feeling loved, secure, and good at what we do. You also want to have a sense of control. Money doesn’t automatically fill these requirements, but it sure can help. I’ve learned to look for ways to spend money to stay in closer contact with my family and friends; to promote my health; to work more efficiently; to eliminate sources of irritation and marital conflict; to support important causes, and to have enlarging experiences. For example, when my sister got married, I splurged on a better digital camera. It was expensive, but it gave me a lot of happiness.

7. Don’t insist on the best. There are two types of decision makers. Satisficers (yes, satisficers) make a decision once their criteria are met. When they find the hotel or the pasta sauce that has the qualities they want, they’re satisfied. Maximizers want to make the best possible decision. Even if they see a bicycle or a backpack that meets their requirements, they can’t make a decision until they’ve examined every option. Satisficers tend to be happier than maximizers. Maximizers expend more time and energy reaching decisions, and they’re often anxious about their choices. Sometimes good enough is good enough.

8. Exercise to boost energy. I knew, intellectually, that this worked, but how often have I told myself, “I’m just too tired to go to the gym”? Exercise is one of the most dependable mood-boosters. Even a 10-minute walk can brighten my outlook.

9. Stop nagging. I knew my nagging wasn’t working particularly well, but I figured that if I stopped, my husband would never do a thing around the house. Wrong. If anything, more work got done. Plus, I got a surprisingly big happiness boost from quitting nagging. I hadn’t realized how shrewish and angry I had felt as a result of speaking like that. I replaced nagging with the following persuasive tools: wordless hints (for example, leaving a new lightbulb on the counter); using just one word (saying “Milk!” instead of talking on and on); not insisting that something be done on my schedule; and, most effective of all, doing a task myself. Why did I get to set the assignments?

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10. Take action. Some people assume happiness is mostly a matter of inborn temperament: You’re born an Eeyore or a Tigger, and that’s that. Although it’s true that genetics play a big role, about 40 per cent of your happiness level is within your control. Taking time to reflect, and making conscious steps to make your life happier, really does work. So use these tips to start your own Happiness Project. I promise it won’t take you a whole year.

”When You Finally Decide to Live Your Dreams”

“Our eyes only see and our ears only hear what our brain is looking for.

You’ve been thinking about this for a long time, haven’t you?

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You’ve revelled in shallow friendships, numbed yourself in trivial distractions and justified low-living for long enough. You’ve tried convincing yourself—to no avail—that you’re not the person you can’t seem to escape.

Over time, you’ve disconnected with your environment and relationships. You’ve started, little by little, to be more authentic with yourself and the world around you.

What took years to hide only took a moment of honesty to recover. And now, here you find yourself, on what feels like the edge of a cliff.

Looking out.

You’re terrified of what might happen if you allow yourself to go there. Will everything fall apart?

You’re tempted to turn around and go back to the lie you’ve been living. Where it’s easy, convenient and less demanding. You’ve done it so many times before.

So why is this time different?

This time is different because you’ve caught on to the fact that there’s really nothing behind you. It’s all nonsense. At this point, going back would be more painful than the unknown before you—no matter what that might be.

So actually, you can’t go back. How you see yourself has fundamentally changed, and that’s why this time you will succeed.

How To Conquer The Fear Of Failure

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Living In Constant Worry, Doubt And Fear Makes Your Life Miserable And It Takes Away All Your Joy, Fun And Happiness.

It seems like, worry, doubt and fear is a very widespread “illness” in our society. Almost everyone seems to worry that this and that may happen. A lot of people are worried about their future, their financial situation, that their husband or wife may leave them, that they may get ill, have a terrible accident… and there are surely hundreds of other worries and fears.

Are you one of them? Do you worry too much as well?

How much of it did actually come true? Probably very little. On the other hand, things may have happened you didn’t even imagine or think about.

So, why spending weeks, months and even years worrying about something that probably never happens? It just doesn’t make any sense to torture yourself because of something that only exists in your mind and has nothing to do with your current reality.

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Let’s say, because of certain events and circumstances your logic tells you “things don’t look good…” and you start worrying. Here is what happens: 

  • Because of your worries and fears, you will start feeling worse and worse.
  • Whenever there is an event you would normally enjoy, those nagging fears will take away most of the joy.
  • Staying for a long time in the emotion of worry and fear will not only make you tired, but it will also make you more prone to illness.
  • As within, so without. If you spend most of your time in worry and fear, you will also create unpleasant events and circumstances in your life that correspond with the energy of fear. In other words, there is a good chance that you will actually manifest what you are so afraid of – just because you constantly think and worry about it.

In other words, there is absolutely nothing good that can come from spending only even 1 second in worry, doubt or fear.

If I Could See At Least 1 Tiny Advantage You Could Get Out Of Worrying, I Would Say: “Yes, Every Now And Then Worry For A Few Minutes, Because It Is Good For…” But, There Is Absolutely Nothing Positive About Those Negative Emotions And That’s Why I Suggest You Simply Banish Worry, Doubt And Fear From Your Life.

That’s right, you no longer need those emotions, you are done with them, so, just let go of them.

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But, bad things happen to people every day…

Of course, unpleasant things happen to all of us. BUT,  to constantly worry about what could happen won’t prevent unpleasant things from happening. Quite the contrary, that’s actually a very efficient way to attract more unpleasant things into your life.

Yes, unpleasant things happen. But when they happen, we simply deal with them, we find a solution and we grow through them. We become bigger, wiser, better…

And believe me, tackling those challenging situations is far easier from a positive mindset than from a mindset that’s entrenched in worry, doubt and fear.

Also, you may have already realized that being in the middle of a storm and dealing with a challenging situation actually feels better than the state of dense fear that only exists in your imagination and is created out of the constant worry that something bad MIGHT happen sometime in the future.

So, I think we can agree that spending even a minute in doubt and fear won’t add anything positive to your life.

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But, the big question is how can you get rid of your worries and fears?

You say, those emotions just overtake your life and it isn’t much you can do about it. That’s wrong because those worries and fears are simply the results of unhealthy thoughts and beliefs you engaged in over and over again – thousands of times.

The Exact Same Way You Created Those Fears, You Can Also Get Rid Of Them And Replace Them With Much Better Feeling Emotions. All You Need To Do Is To Change Those Core Beliefs That Lead To Negative Thoughts, Which In Turn Create Your Worries And Fears.

You may smile about the child who is afraid of the green monster in the closet, but most of the worries and fears of us adults are not any more real.

Just think about some of your fears – right now, they are only a product of your imagination. Once something unpleasant happens, you are no longer afraid of it, because it already happened and you have to deal with it. But then you may be afraid of what could happen next. And again, at that stage, “what could happen next” will only exist in your imagination.

”Let Your Guilt Be Washed”

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”With integrity, you have nothing to fear, since you have nothing to hide. With integrity, you will do the right thing so you will have no guilt.”

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You did something bad. And now you feel terrible. But the feeling won’t go away. It gnaws at you. Even worse, it makes you feel like you’re a bad person.

Nobody tells us how to deal with this, we all feel a wide range of emotions from time to time, but some feelings just don’t deserve to stick around — guilt being one of them. Unless you’ve done something terrible, you shouldn’t feel bad for your actions, and there are certain things you should never feel guilty doing, especially when they don’t hurt anyone. It’s easy to get caught up in pleasing others, but sometimes there are things we just need to do for ourselves without feeling bad about it.

A lot of the things I used to be upset about just don’t bother me anymore.  But one thing that does still bother me is the thought of people around the world suffering so much, and I feel guilty sometimes being so well-off when they’re not. How do we deal with that?

 

You should feel guilty only if you’re living in excess of what an individual life needs.  You need not to be guilty of your wellbeing.  It’s like, “I’m healthy, so I feel guilty because somebody is sick.”  No, I’m happy.  “I’m guilty because somebody is miserable.”  No.  If there are a lot of miserable people, the best thing you can do is at least you’re joyful.  That is the way the world happens.  “Everybody is miserable, so let me also become miserable” is not a solution, you’re adding to the problem.

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”Misery is not the solution”

So this is the choice that we have with every aspect of our life: either to be a part of the problem or a part of the solution.  If you want to be a part of the solution, there’s a lot of misery on the planet.  A lot of misery is caused by one human being to another.  Naturally, there are a few things that happen, but most of it is caused by people – one set of people to another set of people.

So this is a simple example that, with very little, one can live joyfully.  Physical nourishment is needed – unfortunately, a lot of people don’t even have that.  They don’t have enough nourishment that is needed for human life to survive and flourish.  If that much is there, you’re alive, there’s no room for misery, you know?  The rest is only a game: how far you go.  How far you go or you do not go is just a game – all your four limbs intact and you’re alive.  And stomach is full!  Finished.

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What’s Your Problem?

In southern India, if you go to the villages when people meet each other – like here, you say how are they — “Saptingala,” that means, “Have you eaten?”  Because if you’ve eaten, what is the problem?   You can’t get that, you can eat and worry yourself to death.  No, no.  If you’ve eaten, what more problem can you have?  There’s really no other problem in life.  If you still have a problem…You don’t know where it begins, where it ends, you don’t know how the planet is spinning, you don’t know where it is floating, you don’t know how the universe happens – without knowing any of these things, you are enjoying the bounty of life.  If you cannot be grateful for that, I don’t know.  Something seriously wrong with you.

It’s a serious psychological ailment.  Because a lot of people have joined your club – or an asylum, whatever you want to call it – you think it’s normal to be miserable.  No.  Don’t feel guilty of your wellbeing.  Do the best that you can do with your life.  You are alive, you have youth on your side. What are you hesitating, man?  There are things to do!  If you don’t know what to do, ask me, I’ll tell you a thousand things I want to do.  I’ll set you up on one of those things.  My problem is time and energy, okay?  So if you have the time and energy, I’ll give you many things to do.  Please do it.  Let your guilt be washed.

”Awareness Is The First Step In Healing”

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” Do the difficult things while they are easy and do the great things while they are small. A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.”

Progress is progress. This has to be one of my favourite mottos ever, and as we start another new year, I thought it was important to remind everyone.

No matter your current circumstance, no matter your destination, a step forward is a step forward. It doesn’t matter how small because it’s still a step. You are closer to your goal.

Situations in which this rule can help you will vary. It could be something as simple as exercising. If you ran out of time for a half-hour run, do a five-minute one. Every single time your legs move, you still progress further. A more difficult situation can be overcoming an illness, whether it’s cancer or anxiety, but every time you smile or feel better just for an instant, you’re improving.

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Do NOT get caught up in making massive steps. If you’re trying to lose weight, it usually takes a while. If you start dropping off heaps of weight quickly, that can be very unhealthy, especially if you’re starving yourself to make it happen. Take it slow and have fun doing it. Exercise when you have time and eat right when you want to. There’s no rule that says you absolutely have to weigh sixty kilos before February. Take it easy. You’re the only one who will be disappointed if you don’t get there, and you can forgive yourself in a split second.

Appreciate the steps, too. Finish the day and say to yourself: “I have gained from today. I am proud.”

A quote that goes hand in hand is: “Sooner begun is sooner done.” This encourages us to just get started. You don’t need regular commitment. Just whenever you can, spot the small things you can do to benefit yourself, and do it. Don’t worry if you don’t have time to keep it up. One step here and there is still going to affect you in the most subtle way. You’ll be much better off and not even know it.

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Another thing: You don’t need a beginning of a year to make resolutions. You can be sitting in your bed on a Tuesday morning in August and think, “I’m going to follow that dream,” or, “I want to improve myself,” and you can jump straight on that. This whole “New Year, New Me” thing is unnecessary. It’s not the last day on Earth; it’s a day like any other. So why wait? And why rush?

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To summarize, this year, take your resolutions with a pinch of salt. If you want to work hard toward them, do it. But remember: If you slack off, it’s okay. Every bit of effort toward your goals is a step in the right direction. Take it easy. Be kind to yourself. You are doing great. Keep it up.

”Floating Imagination”

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“A man who has no imagination has no wings.”

Imagine an apple floating in front of you. Now see if you can rotate it around in your mind. Look at it from the top, bottom – does it have any blemishes? How clearly can you see it?

Some people see the apple perfectly, like watching a movie, while others have a very poor wavering image. Although it might be hard to believe, a small proportion of otherwise healthy people report having no visual experience at all. In other words, their minds are completely blind – no matter how hard they try they don’t seem to see the apple.

In fact, such individuals are often startled to find that people are not speaking in metaphors when they say, “I picture it in my mind’s eye.” This phenomenon of mind blindness has only recently been given a proper name – congenital aphantasia.

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One of the creators of the Firefox internet browser, Blake Ross, realised his experience of visual imagery was vastly different from most people when he read about a man who lost his ability to imagine after surgery. In a Facebook post, Ross said:

What do you mean ‘lost’ his ability? […] Shouldn’t we be amazed he ever had that ability?

We’ve heard from many people who have experienced a similar epiphany to Ross. They too were astonished to discover that their complete lack of ability to picture visual imagery was different from the norm.

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Visual imagery is involved in many everyday tasks, such as remembering the past, navigation and facial recognition, to name a few. Anecdotal reports from our aphantasic participants indicate that while they are able to remember things from their past, they don’t experience these memories in the same way as someone with strong imagery. They often describe them as a conceptual list of things that occurred rather than a movie reel playing in their mind.


As Ross describes it, he can ruminate on the “concept” of a beach. He knows there are sand and water and other facts about beaches. But he can’t conjure up beaches he’s visited in his mind, nor does he have any capacity to create a mental image of a beach.

Some people have no ability to visually imagine. The idea some people are born wholly unable to imagine is not new. In the late 1800s, British scientist Sir Francis Galton conducted research asking colleagues and the general population to describe the quality of their internal imagery. These studies, however, relied on self-reports, which are subjective in nature. They depend on a person’s ability to assess their own mental processes – called introspection.

But how can I know that what you see in your mind is different to what I see? Perhaps we see the same thing but describe it differently. Perhaps we see different things but describe them the same.

Some researchers have suggested aphantasia may actually be a case of poor introspection; that aphantasics are in fact creating the same images in their mind as perhaps you and I, but it is their description of them that differs. Another idea is that aphantasics create internal images just like everyone else, but are not conscious of them. This means it’s not that their minds are blind, but they lack an internal consciousness of such images.

In a recent study we set out to investigate whether aphantasics are really “blind in the mind” or if they have difficulty introspecting reliably.

Binocular rivalry

To assess visual imagery objectively, without having to rely on someone’s ability to describe what they imagine, we used a technique known as a binocular rivalry – where perception alternates between different images presented one to each eye. To induce this, participants wear 3D red-green glasses, where one eye sees a red image and the other eye a green one. When images are superimposed onto the glasses, we can’t see both images at once, so our brain is constantly switching from the green to the red image.

When people are presented with two completely different superimposed images, a person will be able to see only a red or blue image when wearing 3D glasses – not both at the same time.

But we can influence which of the coloured images someone will see in the binocular rivalry display. One way is by getting them to imagine one of the two images beforehand. For example, if I asked you to imagine a green image, you will be more likely to see the green image once you’ve put on 3D glasses. And the stronger your imagery is the more frequently you will see the image you imagine.

We use how often a person sees the image they imagine as a measure of objective visual imagery. Because we’re not relying on the participant rating the vividness of the image in their mind, but on what they physically see in the binocular rivalry display, it removes the need for subjective introspection.

In our study, we asked self-described aphantasics to imagine either a red circle with horizontal lines or a green circle with vertical lines for six seconds before being presented with a binocular rivalry display while wearing the glasses. They then indicated which image they saw. They repeated this for close to 100 trials.

We found that when the aphantasics tried to form a mental image, their attempted imagined picture had no effect on what they saw in the binocular rivalry illusion. This suggests they don’t have a problem with introspection, but appear to have no visual imagery.

Why some people are mind blind

Research in the general population shows that visual imagery involves a network of brain activity spanning from the frontal cortex all the way to the visual areas at the back of the brain.

 Some people can’t see, but still think they can: here’s how the brain controls our vision


Current theories propose that when we imagine something, we try to reactivate the same pattern of activity in our brain as when we saw the image before. And the better we are able to do this, the stronger our visual imagery is. It might be that aphantasic individuals are not able to reactivate these traces enough to experience visual imagery, or that they use a completely different network when they try to complete tasks that involve visual imagery.

It’s thought when we imagine something we try to reactivate the same brain activity as when we saw that thing previously.

But there may be a silver lining to not being able to imagine visually. Overactive visual imagery is thought to play a role in addiction and cravings, as well as the development of anxiety disorders such as PTSD. It may be that the inability to visualise might anchor people in the present and allow them to live more fully in the moment.

Understanding why some people are unable to create these images in mind might allow us to increase their ability to imagine, and also possibly help us to tone down imagery in those for whom it has become overactive.

”Don’t Ever Let Fear Turn You Against Your Playful Heart.”

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“ Stay focused on whatever you want to do and don’t doubt yourself.”

“I wish I could get back into writing. I haven’t written in so long.”

Just to give you a little background to this story, we’re old friends who first bonded over our mutual love for writing.

My friend tells me that she wants to get back into writing, but the stress that comes with her Job and the lack of time really gets to her. She doesn’t think she can get back into it after not writing for so long.

This post is for any writer who hasn’t written in a long time and wants to get back into it.

As you may already know, I’ve been writing for over a year. This doesn’t mean that I’ve been writing every single day.

I honestly don’t want to tell this story – a story where I’m painting the picture of the writer who’s had more failures than successes.

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In fact, I once went a year without writing because the stress of workload combined with a job was taking a toll on me, forcing me to stop writing.

But if this helps even one person, especially my friend, to get back to writing, I’ll continue to write this even if I don’t want to.

Last year, I had been writing every day – continuously for three months and had even achieved more than I’d set out to accomplish.

I then decided to take a break to work on a side project and go on vacation.

This break from writing was supposed to last three weeks but it ended up lasting 6 weeks.

Why?

Because when I tried to return to the habit of writing, I was failing.

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I’m sure it’s the same feeling you might’ve experienced at one point – where you sit in your chair, your fingers poised in the air as you try to get the ink to form the words in your head and onto the paper.

But you can’t. You just can’t get back into Writing.

There was a fear stopping me, just like I’m sure there’s a fear stopping you.

The fear the no matter what I wrote, it would somehow be the worst thing ever written.

That my writing would be worse than I was writing before I took that break.

The fear that no matter how much I write, I’ll never be published.

I would, in fact, sit down at my table every single day for three weeks, only to come away with no words written down.

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”Don’t Ever Let Fear Turn You Against Your Playful Heart.”

Each one of us has something to contribute. That’s the truth. But many times we don’t feel that way. We are told we are not enough, that we’re not ready, and that we lack what is needed, by others. And even by ourselves. The lies we are told can hold us back from the gifts we were made to give.

At younger ages, it can easier to be faithful to our creativity and our dreaming than to our security. That seems to flip as we get older. But it doesn’t have to. There are steps each of us can take today to use those inspired parts of ourselves and use them. It could be singing, teaching, serving or learning, what is it that you long to contribute? Don’t let fear turn you against your playful heart. Let yourself be inspired again. You might be surprised at the impact it has–on you, and on those around you.

 

”Today Is Valentine’s Day”

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“There is only one happiness in life: to love and be loved.” – George Sand

Valentine’s Day is a time when people show feelings of love, affection, and friendship. It is celebrated in many ways worldwide and falls on February 14 each year.

What Do People Do?

Many people around the world celebrate Valentine’s Day by showing appreciation for the people they love or adore. Some people take their loved ones for a romantic dinner at a restaurant while others may choose this day to propose or get married. Many people give greeting cards, chocolates, jewelry or flowers, particularly roses, to their partners or admirers on Valentine’s Day.

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It is also a time to appreciate friends in some social circles and cultures. For example, Valentine’s Day in Finland refers to “Friend’s day”, which is more about remembering all friends rather than focusing solely on romance. Valentine’s Day in Guatemala is known as Day of Love and Friendship). It is similar to Valentine’s Day customs and traditions countries such as the United States but it is also a time for many to show their appreciation for their friends.

Things You Don’t Know;

 

Valentine’s Day is a beautiful day to celebrate the divine love you have for your partner or your better half. However, the origins of Valentine’s day are murky and there are only a few historical facts that support the lore. Yeah, Valentine’s day isn’t the day that how we celebrate it nowadays. It was something different back then and has a historical significance attached to it. Valentine’s day is called Saint Valentine’s day or the feast of St. Valentine. It is celebrated annually on 14th February in the honor of Saint Valentinus and since then this day is known for its culture, religious and romantic values. Many stories reflect the martyrdom of Saint Valentine for performing weddings for soldiers who were forbidden to marry. According to a legend, during his imprisonment, he restored the eyesight to the judge’s blind daughter and left her a letter signed ‘Your Valentine’ as a farewell.

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Ever since that day, 14th February is associated with romantic love and the tradition of courtly love flourished. Later in the 18th century in England, this day evolved as an occasion where lovers can express their love for each other by offering their partners flowers, confectionary items, greeting cards and more. However, there are various misconceptions that go around with valentine’s day and it has kind of polluted the essence of love and romance for this day.

It’s not just ‘any’ day where you get a date or a fling, have a romantic evening and the next day its over. Valentine’s day is a special day for people who are true, madly and deeply in love. Nowadays, this day has become just a mere day where the need for a partner arises only on this day or during this Valentine week. Guys and girls, men and women, Valentine’s day is not a one-day celebration where you spend an evening. It’s the day where you celebrate the love that you had for your partner for other 364 days in a year.

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The trend of tinder days has made this valentine’s day as a show off for people. You get a date for this day to gain popularity in the college or amongst colleagues, become a person who is talked about for days after valentine’s day and then its all over. It’s not necessary that you should have a date on Valentine’s day. You should have a date or a person with you on all 364 days with whom you feel protected, special, safe and respected.

Hope you all have great Valentine’s day this year…

”Happily Single”

 “I’m not sad about any of my life. It’s so unconventional. It doesn’t look anything like I thought it would.” ~Edie Falco. 

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I’ve realized that it’s not my responsibility to reassure people that I’m normal even though I’m single. I am normal. I’m just not married.

Some people lead their best, most authentic, most fulfilling, and meaningful lives by living single. I call these people “single at heart.” They embrace singlehood and live their single lives fully, joyfully, and unapologetically. There may also be people who do not quite make it into the “single at heart” category but who, all things considered, would still live a better life by living single than getting married.

Deciding whether to stay single is no small thing: Getting married is no royal road to health and happiness, despite all the claims you may have heard to the contrary. And there are important ways in which single people fare better than married people, personally and interpersonally. But legal marriage does grant automatic access to an array of more than 1,000 federal benefits and protections. It also offers instant status, credibility, privilege, and respect. Even though more people than ever are living single. People spend more years of their adult lives not married than married, we are still a nation of matrimaniacs.

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But marriage is also risky. A substantial number of people who get married end up getting divorced, often at a great emotional and financial cost. People who divorce also end up, on the average, less happy than they were when they were single. And staying married is no guarantee of emotional or financial well-being either.

So how can you know if you are one of those individuals who would live a better life as a single person than a married person?

Keep reading we will continue with this topic in my coming article.

”Letting Go Of What You Want Is The Only Way To Get It.”

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“Life is a balance between what we can control and what we cannot. I am learning to live between effort and surrender.” ~Danielle Orner

Life unfolds in the present. But so often, we let the present slip away, allowing time to rush past unobserved and unseized, and squandering the precious seconds of our lives as we worry about the future and ruminate about what’s past. “We’re living in a world that contributes in a major way to mental fragmentation, disintegration, distraction, decoherence. We’re always doing something, and we allow little time to practice stillness and calm.

When we’re at work, we fantasize about being on vacation; on vacation, we worry about the work piling up on our desks. We dwell on intrusive memories of the past or fret about what may or may not happen in the future. We don’t appreciate the living present because our “monkey minds,” as Buddhists call them, vault from thought to thought like monkeys swinging from tree to tree.

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Most of us don’t undertake our thoughts in awareness. Rather, our thoughts control us. “Ordinary thoughts course through our mind like a deafening waterfall,”,  In order to feel more in control of our minds and our lives, to find the sense of balance that eludes us, we need to step out of this current, to pause, and, as  to “rest in stillness—to stop doing and focus on just being.”

We need to live more at the moment. Living in the moment—also called mindfulness—is a state of active, open, intentional attention on the present. When you become mindful, you realize that you are not your thoughts; you become an observer of your thoughts from moment to moment without judging them. Mindfulness involves being with your thoughts as they are, neither grasping at them nor pushing them away. Instead of letting your life go by without living it, you awaken to experience.

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Cultivating a nonjudgmental awareness of the present bestows a host of benefits. Mindfulness reduces stress, boosts immune functioning, reduces chronic pain, lowers blood pressure, and helps patients cope with cancer. By alleviating stress, spending a few minutes a day actively focusing on living in the moment reduces the risk of heart disease. Mindfulness may even slow the progression of HIV.

Mindful people are happier, more exuberant, more empathetic, and more secure. They have higher self-esteem and are more accepting of their own weaknesses. Anchoring awareness in the here and now reduces the kinds of impulsivity and reactivity that underlie depression, binge eating, and attention problems. Mindful people can hear negative feedback without feeling threatened. They fight less with their romantic partners and are more accommodating and less defensive. As a result, mindful couples have more satisfying relationships.

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Mindfulness is at the root of Buddhism, Taoism, and many Native-American traditions, not to mention yoga.

“Everyone agrees it’s important to live in the moment, but the problem is how,” says Ellen Langer, a psychologist at Harvard and author of Mindfulness. “When people are not in the moment, they’re not there to know that they’re not there.” Overriding the distraction reflex and awakening to the present takes intentionality and practice.

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Living in the moment involves a profound paradox: You can’t pursue it for its benefits. That’s because the expectation of reward launches a future-oriented mindset, which subverts the entire process. Instead, you just have to trust that the rewards will come. There are many paths to mindfulness—and at the core of each is a paradox. Ironically, letting go of what you want is the only way to get it.

”Crazy Grief”

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”Grief is never something you get over. You don’t wake up one morning and say, ‘I’ve conquered that; now I’m moving on.’ It’s something that walks beside you every day. And if you can learn how to manage it and honor the person that you miss, you can take something that is incredibly sad and have some form of positivity.”

Terri Irwin

The irony is, when you are in the throws of grief you may really struggle to find the beauty and the joy in life and it may be quite unlikely that you would stop and admire the beauty of a rainbow or the vastness of an ocean. Those who cannot relate to these images begin to worry, what’s wrong with me that I don’t have such a Zen perspective? The inability to derive joy from things that were once pleasurable can feel a lot like depression and it can be frightening.

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Don’t worry you’re still not crazy. These are normal feelings. I know because I’ve experienced my own grief and I know because I’ve heard hundreds of other grievers talk about the same types of experiences.  (If you’re worried that you are actually experiencing a psychological disorder like depression, anxiety, or PTSD.

You’ve probably heard people say, ‘the first year is the hardest’, this is sometimes true.  Quite often, the second year is no picnic either, but at some point, things should get easier. The intense and unrelenting distress of acute grief will be replaced by less frequent moments of sadness, anger, and frustration. You will still have bad days, but you will know things are getting better when those days are outnumbered by ‘okay’ days.

This does not mean you are ‘getting over it’, moving on, or forgetting. An important part of healing is discovering the role your loved one will play in your life after their death. Of course at first, you hold on very tight, afraid if you let go your loved one will disappear completely. You hold on to items (not crazy), you leave rooms untouched (not crazy), you pay their cell phone bill so you can continue to hear their voice on their voicemail (not crazy). These things are not crazy and you may continue to do some of them forever, but some you will eventually let go of as your grip slowly loosens and you realize that nothing short of amnesia could make you really let go.

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And slowly…slowly…the faded colors of life become more vibrant. The world unthaws and you start to find beauty peeking through in places you would never have expected it. Your season of grief has left you weary but stronger. You know you will never be the same and you begin to accept that you must integrate your loved one and your experiences and continue to live…a little bit wary, a little bit wise, and a little bit crazy.

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”Reshimo- “Who In The World Am I? ”

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“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” …

Why are we living in this world?—Every child asks this question beginning around the age of five, and this is because within us is found a Reshimo (reminiscence), a spiritual gene that must be developed. It pushes us from within.

This gene, this desire, requires fulfillment, an answer to the question, “What are we living for? What is the meaning of life?” Later, we forget this question, and in our pursuit of life, we no longer return to it since we don’t have time to think about it and regard it as a useless thought.

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However, we see that this question constantly draws our attention in all kinds of situations throughout our lives, and considering how many people are in despair, get divorced, need drugs, and require antidepressants, we see that in spite of everything, this question still is very strong.

This gene is planted in us because at the end of our development, our evolution, we need to reach a state in which all of us ask the question, “What are we living for?” Why live?” “What is the meaning of life?”

It is possible to ask this question in another way: “Why does nature, which is so perfect and purposeful, create a person with such great potential, but leave him without an answer to the questions of how to build one’s life,  and what to achieve in life?”

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We see what tremendous wisdom is latent in every cell, in everybody, in the connection between us, and we see how much information we haven’t yet discovered! However, even from what we have discovered with the help of science, we see such a wonderful wisdom hidden in all of this rich mechanism, and yet, we who are at the summit of this science, at its peak, don’t see any meaning in our lives. How is such a thing possible? Without a doubt, there is a purpose to our existence, but we don’t know what it is and we need to discover it.

”Death Is Waiting For Us Anyways; Why Call On It Before Our Time?

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”I think my mother… made it clear that you have to live life by your own terms and you have to not worry about what other people think and you have to have the courage to do the unexpected.”

Caroline Kennedy

What Is Life?

LIFE is an invitation to learn, a school. We can learn something from every moment, good or bad.

LIFE is not static, it’s in constant movement, much like the waves of the ocean. Each wave that comes brings with it new experiences, and each one is different. So just like the bad ones can sometimes show no mercy, the good ones also come and refresh us. Nothing last forever.

LIFE is a gift; some beings (children) depart too soon and don’t have the fortune to know life. Those who have it should enjoy it.

LIFE is not only our own. It also belongs to those who surround us. We should take care of ourselves because we are important to others, even when sometimes we are not aware of that.

Each new day is a new experience. If we don’t live it, we don’t know what we’re missing.

We are the designers of our LIFE; it is our challenge to find beauty when just the opposite happens. It is possible and also brings rewards.

We all live through experiences that leave scars. However, there is always someone to give us a hand during those difficult times. The important thing is to accept that help. This is a lesson in and of itself.

Making an effort and dealing with problems makes us aware of how strong we really are. Therefore, all those things that upset us, are not so that we become weak, but so that we understand ourselves better and get to know who we really are.

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To LIVE is to discover something about ourselves of which we were not aware.

To LIVE is to look at ourselves in the mirror and discover a message of love in our own eyes.

To LIVE is to allow ourselves to fall in love, with someone, with something, or with life itself.

If death gives meaning to life, then consider it, but in order to learn to live better.

Death is waiting for us anyways; why call on it before our time?

Sometimes depression does not let us see the beauty of life.

”Life Is A Crazy RollerCoster”

 

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”The truth is you don’t know what is going to happen tomorrow. Life is a crazy ride, and nothing is guaranteed.”

Life is a beautiful journey. It’s up to you to make the best of it!

We were born on this Earth with a destiny. We can try to shape it the way we want, but some things simply cannot be changed.

Nevertheless, once we understand some simple things about life, we have the opportunity to live relaxing, wonderful moments every day.

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FAMILY is more important than anything:-

I’ve learned at an early age that family is the most important thing in life. Professional accomplishments come and go, friends can’t always be by your side, but your mum and dad will always be there when you need them.

And if one day they leave this Earth, you will understand that we all have a destiny written in the stars and cannot do anything about it.

As long as you have your family near you and can’t imagine your life without it, be sure to make the best of every moment you spend with your dear ones. Someday you will realize that these happy little moments were the most beautiful of your life.

 HEALTH is a key ingredient for your happiness:-

We all live our life by setting different goals. We want so many things that we don’t realize how time seems to fly by as we try to live our life to the fullest. People only wish for one thing: to be healthy again in order to live a quiet life with the persons they love.

We tend to forget the importance of health until we get sick or someone we love gets sick.

Without health, nothing else matters. We need health to enjoy every moment near our loved ones so make sure that your lifestyle doesn’t damage your health.

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SMILE even when your heart is aching:-

Whether you’re in pain or not, the world won’t stop and you need to go on with your life. Can you think of a better way to celebrate life and the happy moments than by smiling?

Smile and the entire world will smile with you!

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FRIENDS and YOUR SOUL MATE are important too. Without them, you feel incomplete:-

Surround yourself with beautiful people, people you have things in common with, people who love you just the way you are, people you love, people who always make you smile.

Never stop looking for your soul mate. It’s somewhere out there and you will find him. Never lose faith and hope. You deserve to be happy, just like everybody else.

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 Do something that really makes you happy every day:-

We can’t have fun forever. We also need to work and sometimes do things we don’t really enjoy. Make sure you spend a few minutes every day (maybe an entire hour) by doing something you really enjoy, even if it’s writing, running, chatting with your friends, reading, etc.

May you live a fulfilling life! & Dad Once Again Happy Birthday 🙂

Sleep Hack: ”A Simple Strategy For Better Rest In Less Time”

 

How to sleep better?

Silence is the sleep that nourishes wisdom. 

Desperate to enjoy a better rest, yet keen to reduce the number of hours you sleep?

When it comes to sleep, we’re own worst enemy. There’s always something that ranks higher on the scale than sleep. But the truth is, our choices are killing us. From long-term health to daily bodily functions to simple happiness, how much sleep we get (or don’t get) every night affects us innumerable ways. We can’t cut corners on sleep and not have it affect us.

When your mom told you to “sleep on it,” or to “get your beauty sleep,” she wasn’t kidding. A lot of what we know about the basics of sleep is common sense – but is it possible to hack a good night’s sleep? To fool your body into feeling better when the night before was less than stellar?

If you’re struggling through your day, sleep-deprived and grumpy, try these sleep hacks to navigate your way through your day. And then plan to get to bed early tonight!

We sleep for 26 years in total, so the ultimate productivity hack is undeniably improving our quality of sleep. Imagine if all your life, you thought breathing was best accomplished by inhaling through a straw. Improve your waking life by invalidating misconceptions; it’s that simple.

You’ll relate to this: You look at your alarm clock. It says 4:36AM. You’ve been trying to go to bed for the past 2 hours, and the longer you’re awake, the more you worry about having to properly “wake up” at 6:00AM. You can’t sleep because you’re stressed from being awake, and you can’t wake because you’re stressed from lack of sleep. We’ve all had nights like this.

 it’s almost a competition to see who can function the best with as little sleep as possible. Information overload is a very real problem in the 21st century. Sleep debt is getting even worse among the Millennial generation, and the alarm function on most smartphones is an inadequate solution.

Many studies have emerged that show the harmful effects of not getting a good night’s rest. Our bedtime is now measured by how long it takes us to get bored of browsing the internet. Side effects include anxiety, depression, irritability, poor health, and arguing over who snores the loudest.

So in an ever-connected world, how can we get a good night’s rest consistently?

How can we minimize the number of hours we sleep and get a better quality of sleep?

What are some different sleeping techniques? What if I can’t sleep?

The key to sleeping is to aim for quality, not quantity.

Environmental Factors

This is the easiest modifier and can have the greatest impact on the sleep-wake cycle. My bedroom, unfortunately, faces south, so every morning, I wake up to the sun glaring through my shades. We’re naturally meant to wake with the sun hitting our faces. It sets our internal clock and prepares us for the day as nature intended.

Light Psychology

This is why we’ve seen an appearance of specialized dawn simulators that exploit the role of the sun in circadian rhythm regulation. These clocks work by emitting a bright light in excess of 200 lux, which tricks us into thinking it is morning. Within a few days to a week, your body will start to wake up before the alarm itself actually goes off.

Just as there is artificial light, logically, there is artificial dark. If your sleep schedule has you waking up after the sun rises—delayed sleep phase disorder—then consider wearing a sleeping mask.

Wavelength of Light

Finally, the Psychology of light can be boiled down to its wavelength (color).

Blue is a terrible wavelength to be absorbing during the day; it’s just too calming. Likewise, warmer colors in the red spectrum are terrible for night-time browsing (unless you’re trying to stay awake).

This hack can be common sense, i.e., don’t paint your bedroom red, but this approach is a little more comprehensive than that. The color temperature of your backlit monitor affects your circadian rhythm. As you browse Facebook, Twitter, WordPress, and Tumblr, all you see is blue!

Humidity

Apart from light, one might consider the humidity in the ambient air temperature. Remember how mom would always bring the Humidifier out of the closet whenever you were sick as a child? Well, why only use it when we’re sick? Especially in the winter time when you’re running the heater quite a bit, it tends to zap the humidity out of the air. This means your nostrils might become dry thus effectively making your body more susceptible to inhaling a virus. This is because the tiny hair follicles in our nose need to be wet in order to catch the viruses/bacteria we might inhale.

If you’re breathing in air with moisture, it helps your lungs and your breathing throughout the night.

Habits

There is only so much we can modify in our environment to make our sleep a little better. The largest part has to do with ourselves and the things we do leading up to sleep. We need to make quality sleep hygiene just as routine as brushing our teeth before bed

DO Figure out how to Stop Your Mind from Racing

This is one of the biggest drivers to people staying up at night. Ever go to bed and you can’t stop thinking? You can’t stop worrying or wondering what is going to happen tomorrow?

This is a form of anxiety that we all have but very few seem to recognize. This is partly why meditation is so important because it teaches you not only the awareness factor that this is occurring but also the tools you need to be able to tell yourself “NO.”

Make a conscious effort to stop your mind from racing and focus on a single thing, whether that is counting your breaths or the number of sheep in the sky.

Drugs

Now, I could call these supplements, but it’s important to recognize that these so-called supplements are just as many drugs as any other traditional kind of pharmaceutical and should be used with caution.

”Life’s Too Short To Be Busy All The Time”

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”It’s very important to take care of yourself. Everyone’s lives are so busy. Take at least an hour a day to recharge and do whatever makes you better. For grown-ups, whether it’s a spa, sitting in a park with a book, or coffee, take time for yourself.”

Ana Ivanovic

I think you’re a liar. You may not be a liar, but I suspect you could be. I’m also a liar, at least I think I used to be. What makes both of us liars is we constantly say we’re too busy. I’ve learned over the years that too busy is simply code word for either not interested or simply a means of not being able to manage your life correctly because you’re lazy. Therefore, you’re either a lazy liar who cannot manage your life correctly or you’re simply not interested.

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Still with me or insulted at this point? The last thing a writer needs to do is insult his audience. I’m here to offer an awakening because I fell culprit to the too busy syndrome and getting out of it gave me the potential to become aware, productive, and happy. It made me a human again.

I can easily relate this topic to exercise as a means of showing that too busy is a poor excuse to not work out. As it turns out, being too busy isn’t just a poor excuse to not work out, but rather a poor excuse in all facets of life.

Previously, I used to think the idea of being busy was cool. It showed me a great sense of confidence that I was wanted and requested by others. Being busy was a vanity thing. Telling clients how busy you are and how you don’t have any time for their requests is a means of winning their business because human nature is to want something we cannot have.

I would go whenever and wherever they wanted me and I’d give each of them their very own hour — sometimes more. I was miserable and in turn, professional service was compromised. I realized busy was not good.

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I realized life is too short to be busy. When you’re not busy, you have more time to think and play. More time to exchange ideas and experiences with friends and family. In turn, professional service for clients is never compromised.

Busy is just a false facade based on lies, laziness, and mismanagement that restricts performance and limits your mental capacity.

I know this because I experienced it. I claimed to be so busy that I had no control over my time. I used busy as a means of showing confidence I lacked to demonstrate to people that I really am worth it. And I used busy at the expense of limiting my professional performance with clients.

I’ve realized that it is only when you eliminate the idea of being too busy that you can finally open the door to being happy. Eliminating busy means you’re in absolute control of your life and your time management skills. Most importantly, you regain self-worth and confidence without using the word busy as a confidence-booster. Eliminating busy means you’ve got time to finally think and develop both personally and professionally.

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My idle time is more valuable than a busy time. When I’m not working, I don’t think about fitness, or in our analogy, lemonades and souvenirs. Idle time is time away from busy. It’s time for what makes me happy whether it’s time with friends or driving to a place I’ve never been.

A wise friend recently said to me, “Life is not something that happens to us, it is only responding to us.” Stop fooling yourself because you’re not really busy. You may be lazy and lacking confidence. You may also be a liar. But busy is something you’re probably not. You just need a better approach to managing everything — one that will give you ample time for all the things you really wanted to do including regular exercise.

”Time Heals All Wounds”

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”The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone. Time heals almost everything.”

I often hear of people giving bereaved people advice similar to “you just need some time, after all ‘time heals all wounds.’” It is as if these well-meaning people are saying: “Just sit back and in time you’ll no longer have the sadness, anguish, yearning, guilt, anger, and fear you’re feeling now. They’ll fade away, and you’ll be fine.” Wow! What an interesting concept! But wait a minute, that approach to grieving raises a couple of questions. First, how long is “some time” – two months, one year, two years, five years? The second question is why doesn’t this apply to the rest of our lives? After all, we have to look for a new job, search for the right house, study to get through school. Even if we want to win the lottery, we still have to buy the ticket. We have to take the initiative to do something to cause something else to happen. Is grief different? Can it really be true that time alone is enough for grief to go away? I don’t think so…

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Time teaches us to look into our past from a different perspective. The moment when something traumatic happens, we always feel like we are never going to get out of this horrible situation. Our conscience is paralyzed at this moment, unable to provide any healthy solution. Sometimes, we just can’t control our overwhelming waves of negative emotions. For days we can’t eat, sleep, or think properly. However, as time passes, we gradually understand that “the show must go on”; we have to pick ourselves up and keep going. We start looking at life through a more intelligent and practical perspective and we realize that slowly, that pain is starting to fade away.

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It is difficult to maintain the same intensity of emotions throughout life, regardless of what they are. We are humans and our emotions/mentality never stays at the same level; it’s just not possible. Our emotions are constantly changing, depending on the situations and the environments we are exposed to. So, it’s pretty much impossible to keep that same intensity of emotions, for any of those “hard” times everyone experiences in life. I think we can all remember a time where we cried for days and nights, but every day, it got a little bit easier. My mantra is while times can be tough and everyone goes through different things, this can be universally said: each day everything gets easier and time heals everything.

” Just Get in Shape When You Feel Lazy and Unmotivated”

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I know exercise is supposed to help me fight depression, but how can I find the motivation to work out when I’m depressed?

Depression definitely can make it hard to find the motivation for exercise (among other things) because a loss of interest in normal activities, along with the ability to enjoy them, is often one of the main symptoms of depression. But what does that mean in practical terms?

It definitely doesn’t mean that you’ll have to wait until your depression has cleared up before you’ll be able to start building up a regular exercise routine. In fact, it probably means just the opposite. You might need to stop looking for your motivation or waiting for it to appear before you start working out.  Instead, recognize that feeling unmotivated is part of the illness and that starting a regular exercise routine is an important part of the cure. It’s a lot like getting out of bed in the morning on a low day—you might not feel like it; but you know that if you don’t do it, things are only going to go downhill from there.
The good news is that actually starting an effective exercise routine isn’t as unpleasant or difficult as it seems. Just because you’re depressed doesn’t mean you’ll to have to spend weeks or months forcing yourself to do something you don’t feel like doing; you just have to start by taking the first few steps on faith. That’s because motivation is actually a mental muscle that works a lot like your other muscles—the more you use it, the stronger it gets. And just like there are good (and bad) ways to train your other muscles effectively, there are good ways to train your motivation so it gets stronger as you go along, and makes it easier for you to establish and maintain a good exercise habit. Here are a few good motivation muscle training tips to get you started.

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Focus on just a few things at a time.

We often create a big list of things that we want to do and achieve. Focusing on two or three things at a time will allow you to feel less overwhelmed. Instead, you will feel motivated, as your goals will now seem so much more achievable.

Out of the two sets of six-month goals below, which set gets you more motivated?

Learn to play guitar, do well at work, and get fit.

Learn to play guitar, do well at work, get fit, build big muscles, get better at singing, get top marks at school, learn how to draw better, and write a book.

When I see the second list, I feel overwhelmed. When my life looks a bit like this, I usually don’t know where to start or if I can succeed at anything I’ve set out to do.

People feel motivated when they feel they have a good chance of success.

This has been a big learning curve for me. When success seems like it is just around the corner, suddenly I get an amazing rush of energy where I feel liberated and excited to achieve bigger things.

Set yourself two or three easy to achieve goals at a time and you will notice that you will naturally gain inspiration and motivation.

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 Exercise.

Exercise is the simplest way to overcome laziness. A lot of the time, we feel lazy because completing a task seems too difficult. With exercising, you don’t have to figure anything out. You just have to make that one big decision to literally start moving your body (jump up and down, go for a run, or start doing lunges in your living room).

This has been a big revelation for me. Sometimes I get so fed up with feeling lazy and lethargic that I literally just start running. I have learned that if you can overcome physical laziness, your mind will naturally follow.

You will find that you will become more willing to think about complicated things, such as working on a project or doing something that you have been avoiding. Exercise will help you break through that barrier of inertia and will help you feel motivated and more willing to put in an effort.

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Allow yourself time to relax and do the things you enjoy.

Sound’s ironic, doesn’t it? Overcoming laziness by relaxing! But it works.

Often, we become lazy because a task seems too difficult. By relaxing and doing the things we enjoy, we allow ourselves to feel satisfied. When we are satisfied, we are more willing to take on bigger tasks and achieve bigger things.

By relaxing and enjoying yourself, you also allow yourself to think about things, reflect, and feel inspired.

For example, I often feel uninspired to write articles. I get a mental block. Writing and researching becomes an overwhelming task, so I retreat to laziness. I completely block out anything that requires hard work.

I have learned that as I relax and do things I enjoy, my mind is encouraged to reflect again. It is not scared of becoming overwhelmed because it knows that I am not going to push it to do something productive if it does not want to.

This is how I gain inspiration again. When I relax, I suddenly find myself thinking of all these great ideas and I regain inspiration and motivation.

Get organized.

Your physical surroundings have a big impact on how you feel. If your house is a mess, you are likely to feel even more overwhelmed—both because clutter creates a sense of chaos and because having to clean your house adds to your giant list of things to do in a ridiculously short amount of time.

Clean your house and organize your physical surroundings and you will naturally feel motivated to be more productive and active.

You will be making life simpler and easier to manage.

Once you’ve organized your home, you may feel motivated to get organized in other areas of your life and tackle tasks you’ve neglected.

As I mentioned earlier, laziness is often our attempt to avoid difficult or unpleasant tasks. Ironically, once you start tackling them, it will all feel less difficult and overwhelming and you’ll likely feel a lot less tense.

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Be aware of and monitor your internal dialogue.

Our internal dialogue (the way we speak to ourselves) has such a big impact on how we feel and what we do.

Anthony Robins, a world-famous motivational speaker, explains that if we want to feel ecstatic, all we need to do is adopt a point of view that creates that emotion.

For example, picturing in your mind the things that make you feel that way, change the tone and content of your internal dialogue and change your posture and breathing to create that state in your body.

This has become my personal motto, and I am genuinely amazed at how much more positive I feel just by choosing to have a positive outlook.

Every time I have a negative thought, such as “today is going to be a long, hard day at work,” I immediately challenge that thought by telling myself something like this: “I have so much to be grateful for and today is going to be fun and enjoyable!”

I then make a choice to get rid of my slouchy posture and tell myself that I have lots of energy.

Just thinking that way makes me feel excited and gives me a big boost of energy.

I once learned that we have over 50,000 thoughts a day. Even if only 10 percent of them are negative, it equals a total of 5,000 negative thoughts a day. When I heard this, I realized that we have way too many negative thoughts and it helped make sense of why so many of us struggle to feel motivated.

Being aware of and monitoring your internal dialogue is so important, and will inevitably impact on how lazy you feel and how easy it will be for you to overcome that laziness.

These methods have helped me incredibly and continue to help me every day. I am sure that if you apply them too, you will experience a big boost of energy and motivation in your daily life

”Shine Like A Crazy Diamond”

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”Look after yourself from within, and your beauty will shine through on your skin.”

Is the light you shine any less bright if no one notices or acknowledges it? Or is it possible to shine the light just because that is part of your life path? Those with the brightest lights are easier to see but their task is not to engage more people in the light, it is simply to shine their light in a more unconditional way. The light shines so all can see but not all do, not all want to, and not all need to. This doesn’t diminish the importance or value of the light. Its value is not measured by how many see, embrace, and embody it, but by how brightly it shines, even if it shines alone.

Those who shine most brightly are not burdened with lighting the greatest amount of darkness or bringing more people to the light, they become light beacons of the choice to embrace a higher frequency and vibration, not imperatives for change. Being an unconditional source of light means you shine brightly no matter who sees the light, it is there for all to see when it is their time and when they are ready.

Some have a journey of being in the darkness as encouragement for those who seek the light. They are also an important part of the foundation of light. Without shadows, light is invisible. And without light, there is no alternative to darkness. But there is no commandment for everyone to see the light, and there are no conditions on anyone, those who are in the light or in the dark, to become aware of the light, to embrace and embody it, and to also become a beacon of light for others.

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That does not make the work of those who shine less successful or valuable. In an unlimited, unconditional Universe, every potential exists, even that to remain in the darkness. Shining with unconditional light makes the light available for all, without the condition of acceptance or acknowledgment.

If the fear of the results of darkness become the reason for shining your light then you are acting with conditions and judgment. You may be tempted to shine more brightly so others can see, but the potential for seeing and embracing the light depends on frequency and vibration, which also depend on the will, the lessons, karma, and soul path of each individual.

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Just because you shine more brightly doesn’t mean others will want to see more light. Some may be blinded by the light and turn away because it interferes with their path. Others may use the light to make a choice to remain in their own darkness. The light you shine must be unconditional and you must shine from the joy of being in the light and in being a ‘being of light’, not because you believe you shine so others can see it and know the light for themselves.

The light is a path of joy, truth, and unconditional love, all as energies of higher frequencies. But the path of light does not include the need to become the force for the transmutation of darkness. Does the sun shine only because it is appreciated or does it shine because that is what it does? This is how you can find joy in your light as well, shine with the joy of the light and that you feel in your light. Having awareness of the light is your gift, so shine it for yourself, to light your own path. Don’t be discouraged if no one appears to see it because they cannot see what is not within their frequency or part of their life path.

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When you become an example of joyful, joy-filled, empowered, and fulfilled living through your light, you can become an inspiration for others. Not because you shine more light but because they see the example of your light in action. This is how you inspire others to consider the light as an alternative to darkness and when you shine with unconditional light, you make the light a potential and allows others to make it an empowered choice that they make through their own free will.  And when you find the joy in your light it no longer matters whether others can share in your joy today, you are in joy and that allows your light to shine even more brightly for yourself, for everyone around you, and for all of humanity.

”Pilgrimage of Desire: A path out of walking depression”

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“I once read that succumbing to depression doesn’t mean you are weak, but that you have been trying to be strong for too long, which is maybe a form of denial. So much of life happens somewhere in between being okay and complete breakdown—that’s where many of us live, and doing so requires strength.” ~ novelist Matthew Quick

Let’s play a little word association.

When I say someone is DEPRESSED, what comes to mind?

You might think of someone who:

  • Looks or acts sad most of the time
  • Cries often
  • Can’t feel any emotions (positive or negative)
  • Can’t get out of bed or leave the house
  • Can’t work
  • Can’t take care of themselves or others
  • Thinks or talks about suicide

That’s what severe depression can look like, and it’s a terrible and potentially deadly illness. Most people would notice those signs, realize something was wrong, and hopefully get some help.

But depression has many different faces and manifestations.

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I was one of the walking depressed. Some of my clients are too.

We have many of the symptoms of clinical depression, but we are still functioning.

On the surface, people might not know anything is wrong. We keep working, keep going to school, keep looking after our families.

But we’re doing it all while profoundly unhappy. Depression is negatively impacting our lives and relationships and impairing our abilities.

Our depression may not be completely disabling, but it’s real.

Walking depression can be hard to recognize because it doesn’t fit the more common picture of severe depression. But it can be just as dangerous to our well-being when left unacknowledged.

This list isn’t meant to be exhaustive or to diagnose anyone. But these are some of the signs I’ve observed in myself and those I’ve coached:

Nothing is fun:- You root around for something to look forward to and come up empty.

You can’t find flow:- Working on your creative projects feels like a grind, but you keep plodding away.

Your energy is low: –Maybe you’re not getting enough rest because you’re too anxious to sleep, or you’re trying to cram too many tasks into a day, or you’re punishing yourself by staying up. Whatever the reason, you are effin’ tired.

You feel worse in the morning and better at night:-I remember explaining this to a friend, who found it mystifying. In the morning I felt the crushing weight of all the things I had to do that day. In the evening I was temporarily free from expectations and could enjoy a moment’s respite.

You have simmering resentment toward others:-Sure, you’re still doing what everybody asks of you, but you stew in anger the whole time. You are jealous of and bitter toward people who look happier than you feel.

Your self-talk gets caustic:-You say nasty things in an effort to shock yourself into action. You use shame as a motivator.

You feel distanced from people around you:-It’s hard to have genuine, intimate conversations because you have to keep up this front that you are alright.

You deprive yourself of creative work time:– This helps you exert some control and stirs up feelings of suffering that are perversely pleasurable. Also, taking on new projects that prevent you from writing or making art lets you prove to yourself that you’re still strong and capable.

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Jen Lee has coined the term Dutiful Creatives to describe those who are inclined to take care of their responsibilities before anything else.

“If life were a meal, you’d consider your creativity as the dessert, and always strive to eat your vegetables first. Pacing and knowing how to say No are your strengths, but your creativity is more essential to your well-being than you realize.” from Jen Lee

You notice a significant mood change when you have caffeine or alcohol: –A cup of coffee might make you feel a lot more revved-up and optimistic. A glass of wine might make you feel really mellow and even ~ gasp! ~ happy. (That’s how I finally realized that I was depressed.)

You feel like you’re wasting your life:-Some people have a high sensitivity to the inherent meaning in what we do. Creativity coach Eric Maisel calls this our “existential intelligence.” If our daily activities don’t carry enough significance ~ if they don’t feel like a worthwhile use of our talents and passions ~ then soon we are asking ourselves, “What’s the point? Why should I keep going?”

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Why is it hard to admit that you have walking depression?

You may recognize many of these signs in your life but still be slow to admit that you are depressed. Why is that?

Because it feels presumptuous to put yourself in that category when you’re still getting by. You feel like it would be insulting to those who are much worse off than you. You may feel like you have no real reason to be depressed.

Because your pride and your identity take a hit. You have to admit vulnerability and allow that you are not the all-conquering superhero you thought you were.

Because you realize that you and your life need to change, which feels like more work piled on your plate.

Because you are admitting your own responsibility for your unhappiness and that can trigger self-judgment.

Because you might uncover grief or anger at those around you for not seeing and taking better care of you.

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What to do, what to do?

I’ve posted another entry about how creatives heal from walking depression, and here are the highlights:

  • Rest.
  • Make use of medication and other physical treatments.
  • Do therapy.
  • Practice gratitude.
  • Make connections.
  • Reduce your responsibilities.
  • Spend time creating.
  • Change your thoughts.
  • Develop meaning practice.
  • Change your life.

These steps are simple to say, not easy to do, so make sure you get as much support as you can.

 

Pilgrimage of Desire: a path out of walking depression

My life’s work is to help writers and artists recognize their depression and find healing by making their creative work a priority.

As a young adult, I longed to make my mark on the world as a writer. But after university, I got sidetracked by all the demands of ordinary life.

Soon I joined the ranks of the walking depressed. I was working, volunteering, and looking after my family, but I was also desperately sad.

I found the path out of depression by following my desires—to write, to travel, to become a friend and a creativity coach. Eventually, I left ordinary life behind. I thought I’d found my happy ending, but there was more to the story …

”Stop Waiting For The Perfect Conditions To Start Really Living.”

”Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind. – Dr. Seuss”

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At 27, I look back on my 20’s in an interesting way. I’m not yet out of my 20’s, but I’m old enough now that I’ve started looking back on the past 7 years with a lot of clarity. I don’t take any of it back, as regretting the past is as useful as placing your hands on a hot stove, but if I was back in my early 20’s again and knew wiser, there are so many things I would do differently.

Making the most of life isn’t as difficult as it might sometimes seem. You can have an amazing life right now if you give up doing these nine things:

 Settling for less than your worth:-

Whether it’s settling to be with someone you don’t truly love, deciding to just take that 50 hours a week job your friend offered you because you don’t think you’ll ever finish school, or turning your back on what you love, don’t settle for less than your worth.

The likelihood is, you’re worth far more than you give yourself credit for. By the time we’re young adults, we’ve been through so much in life that we can often think things like, “I’m not good enough” or, “I don’t deserve that”. But you are good enough, and you do deserve that.

One of the greatest fallacies in life is the idea that we’re incomplete. That we’re missing a screw, lacking something, or altogether messed up. But this couldn’t be further from the truth.

You were born absolutely and completely whole, and you continue to be no matter what you go through. No matter how many mistakes you make and no matter who wronged you, you’re the same beautiful person you began life as.

Realize that you’re priceless, and stop settling for less than you’re worth.

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Changing for others:-

I was guilty of this myself. We act like someone we’re not to get the girl or guy we like, we do something unlike ourselves to impress a group of people we want to be our friends, and overall we give up what makes us “us” just so that others will like us.

But all this ends up doing is making us lose track of ourselves in the needs of others. We forget who we are, and when we “come to,” we realize all that time was wasted wandering around in disillusion.

Don’t change who you are for others. The people that are right for you will love you for you, not for who you’re trying to be.

Spending the day online:-

The internet is the future; it’s as simple as that. Everything you could ever want to know is on the internet, and a lot of the most popular forms of entertainment too. Oh, and you can make a living on the internet to boot. So it makes sense that we’d spend so much time online.

But to spend almost literally all day online is unhealthy, both with regards to your body and your mind. Maybe you’re a programmer or run a blog, and spend a huge portion of each day online. That’s fine, you’re making a living, or are working on making a living through the internet.

But even then, you need to get out and experience nature, talk to people face to face, and just plain have fun with all those things that life has to offer that you can never find or experience online.

Learn how to balance your life between time online and time fully experiencing the beauty of life while disconnected and you’ll be far happier and healthier.

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Thinking likes and followers = genuine friends:-

One of the biggest mistakes we make in our 20’s is convincing ourselves that Facebook friends, followers, +1’s, and the like are genuine friends. But genuine friendship is built upon the depth of the connection between two people. You can’t “go through things,” or experience life, with followers and Facebook friends. The most you can do is like the same post and occasionally say “What’s up!” or “Yeah, me too!”

Today, do a quick inventory. How many genuine friends do you have? If you’re having hard times, or something comes up unexpectedly, who do you have that you could turn to? If that answer is one or none, you probably need to get out and start building some genuine friendships.

Our relationships are the most telling factor in not only our ability to be happy but plays a big part in helping us thrive in all areas of life, so invest time in building friendships. It will serve you well for the rest of your life.

Sweeping problems under the rug:-

When we’re younger, we tend to push our problems aside or ignore them, often for endeavors that help us drown them out and forget about them altogether. But that won’t make them go away. They’re still there, waiting for their chance to strike.

Adopt the habit of taking care of things, whether regular responsibilities, serious issues, or surprise occurrences, head-on and as soon as they come up. Remind yourself that whether you take care of it now or later, you still have to do it eventually and that if you put it off it can escalate into a far worse problem than what it is now.

You’ll begin really living life the day you decide to face yourself. All your problems, whether big or small.

Decide today to lift the rug on all of your problems and shine a light, and you’ll discover how exhilarating and joy-filled life can be.

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Caring what others think of you:-

The number one fear that holds us back is the fear of what others may think of us. At one point or another, we all suffer from it. It’s only natural to feel this way. I felt this intensely from the time I was a young teenager all the way up into my 20’s.

This is probably most intense from high school on into our 20’s. A time where we often want to impress or, at least, not feel the critical eye of numerous groups of people from the other sex, groups of friends (or potential friends), to potential employers, and family.

But guess what? In a very real sense, while you might think that all these people are constantly looking at you and being critical of you, most people are never, if every, thinking about you. Once you realize this, it’s nothing short of a life changing realization.

Don’t believe me? Use yourself as an example. Are you constantly thinking about those around you, nitpicking and being overly critical of everyone near you? Or are you too busy being concerned with your own problems and aspirations to sit around thinking critically of everyone around you? The likelihood is, you don’t. And almost no one else does either. And those that do? Well…

Thinking you only have a few options:-

I grew up thinking I had to go to college to make something of myself. And while this is a respectable path, thinking this was my only option is just another example of limited thinking.

Don’t convince yourself that you have to take some specific path in life. This all comes down to not restricting yourself and thinking your only options are what you see everyone else doing, or what others expect you to do.

The world really is open to you and you have so many different options in front of you. Look around, use your creativity, and don’t take no for an answer.

Get out there and live your life, and don’t let anything hold you back.

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Living absent-minded:-

Truth be told, this isn’t a problem only 20-somethings have, but it is a critical ingredient to thriving in life and something which, if tackled now, will show huge dividends both immediately in your life now and for decades to come.

The way we usually live our lives, we’re pushed and pulled here and there based on a combination of responsibilities, impulses, and only the occasional moment of clarity. We live quite literally only half-awake to the moment in front of us, more often worried about the future and regretting the past.

Do this simple exercise: say to yourself, “I am awake. I’m here, right now, fully alive to the beauty of this moment.” As you say this, focus your attention completely on the present moment experience. Get out of your head completely, stop purposely thinking (thoughts will still crop up without you doing anything, this is OK), and be fully alive to this moment.

Your entire life is waiting for you, realize how amazing your life can be by simply becoming fully awake to the moment in front of you.

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Thinking you have all your life:-

Right now, it can seem like you have so much time that there’s little bother rushing to tackle anything of value. This is natural, and you shouldn’t rush around doing anything either way, but you need to live aware of the fact that life is a lot short than you think.

Before you know it, you’re going to turn around and be 30. And when this happens, you’re going to wonder where all the time you wasted went.

Create a “bucket” list, make plans, and get out there and do all those things you’ve always wanted to do.

As you grow older, you’ll find the only things you regret are the things you didn’t do. – Zachary Scott

 

 Looking for “happily ever after”

Since we were little tykes, through T.V., movies, books, and stories of all kinds we’ve been fed the idea of “happily ever after.” That is when you can gain the perfect conditions for happiness and an overall great life, such as your special someone, your ideal house, a nice job, and the like, then the rest of your life you’ll remain blissfully happy.

This idea is never more present than when we’re in our 20’s, setting out in the world for the first time, searching for ourselves and striving for our goals.

But “happily ever after” isn’t at all true. Nothing will magically make you happy for the rest of your life. But this isn’t a bad thing, and it doesn’t mean we can’t find happiness.

On the contrary, you don’t have to wait 3, 5, or 10 years to find happiness. The conditions for an amazing life all exist right now within you. You don’t need to find “the one”, you don’t need to make more money, and you don’t need to get rid of your problems.

You can be happy right now in this very moment by fully accepting yourself, embracing your struggles, and realizing that it’s through these very things that you can see the beauty in life.

Stop waiting for the perfect conditions to start really living. Realize you can be truly happy right now by embracing life fully with open arms.

”How To Increase Your Willpower.”

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”The willpower response is a reaction to an internal conflict. You want to do one thing, such as smoke a cigarette or supersize your lunch, but know you shouldn’t. Or you know you should do something, like file your taxes or go to the gym, but you’d rather do nothing.”

Okay, we know that we only have so much willpower and as we go about our day, stress and normal self-control deplete our resource. Let’s see what options we have for increasing the pool of willpower we have to draw from.

Increase your capacity for pressure: Learn how to manage stress

To start with, we need to manage our stress levels. Being under high levels of stress means that our body’s energy is used up in acting instinctively and making decisions based on short-term outcomes. Our prefrontal cortex loses out in the battle for our energy when high-stress is involved.

It is said that stopping to take a few deep breaths when we feel overwhelmed or tempted can be a great start in managing our stress levels and improving our willpower.

Encourage yourself to stick to your plan:-

To make it even easier, it appears that self-affirmation can even help you to have more self-control when you’re running out, according to a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. A good example of this is the difference between telling yourself “I can’t” and “I don’t.” Taking back control of the situation using the phrase “I don’t” has been shown to be more effective at helping you to stick to your plan and break bad habits:

So try telling yourself that you don’t do that bad habit, rather than punishing yourself by saying “I can’t.”

Get more sleep to help your brain manage energy better:-

Getting enough sleep makes a big difference in how efficiently our prefrontal cortex works:

Luckily, It also cites studies that have shown we can make this work in our favor by ensuring we get enough sleep:

And if you’re wondering how much sleep is enough, here’s a rough guide: one of the most acclaimed sleep researchers, Daniel Kripke, found in a recent study that “people who sleep between 6.5 hours and 7.5 hours a night, live the longest, are happier and most productive”.

 Meditate (for as little as 8 weeks)

Meditation has also been linked to increasing the reserve of willpower we have available, as well as improving attention, focus, stress management, and self-awareness. this can even give fast results.

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Better exercise and nutrition: The most ignored route to higher willpower

Another great way to train the brain, that is often easily ignored or undervalued, yet can make you a lot more resilient to stress, and thus boost willpower, is regular physical exercise. Both relaxing, mindful exercise like yoga and intense physical training can provide these benefits, though points out that we’re not sure why this works yet.

As I mentioned earlier, what you feed your body affects how much energy the prefrontal cortex has to work with. This is why nutrition is so important:

Not only will exercise and good nutrition improve your willpower, but they’ll make you feel better as well. Exercise, in particular, is known for making us happy by releasing endorphins.

Postpone things for later to gain focus on what’s important now:-

Postponing something you really shouldn’t have can be effective if you’re trying to break a bad habit. In Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength, Roy F. Baumeister explains that people who tell themselves “not now, but later,” are generally less tormented by the temptation of something they are trying to avoid (his example is eating chocolate cake).

”Love, Attachment, Or Sexual Desire”

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“The world is little, people are little, human life is little. There is only one big thing — desire.” 

From time to time, our romantic relationships can be difficult to understand. Part of this confusion stems from the fact that our relationships are influenced by three powerful, yet separate, emotional systems.

Often these three emotional systems work together to create satisfying outcomes. But that’s not always the case.

Sometimes these three emotional systems compete with each other—leading to mixed feelings and confusion.

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Love

The First emotional system entails love. And love, in and of itself, is composed of a complex set of feelings. Love often entails feelings of closeness, genuine appreciation, and concern. But, the experience of love is not the same for everyone. For some people, love is delusional and needy, or based on emotional game playing, or experienced as the desire to take care of another person.

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Attachment

The second emotional system involves attachment. Attachment is the feeling of security and comfort we get from being close to someone else. Attachment provides a sense of stability, certainty, and safety—the feeling that someone will always be there for you in a time of need. And, as with love, there are individual differences in the experience of attachment.

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Sexual Desire

The last emotional system is sexual desire. Sexual desire involves the lustful, sexually passionate feelings people have for each other. Sexual desire is a very intense and powerful emotion; it can cloud one’s judgment and prompt risk-taking. Sexual desire is often based on physical appearance, novelty, and the chemistry between two people. And while sexual desire motivates a lot of our behaviors early on in a relationship, intense levels of sexual desire are difficult to maintain with the same person over the course of time.

Again, these three emotional systems can work together to produce a healthy and satisfying relationship. Sexual desire can turn into feelings of love, resulting in a lasting attachment.

However, these basic emotional systems do not necessarily work in sync over time. Long term, it can be difficult to find one person who consistently satisfies all three needs. In many cases, these three emotional systems work against each other—creating competing desires and interests.

For instance, it’s possible to be attached to one romantic partner, be in love with someone else, and have sexual desire for yet another person.

Being aware of these competing emotions, and that not everyone experiences love and attachment in the same way, often helps us to make sense of the problems that arise in our romantic relationships.

”How to Release Emotions Stuck in Your Body and Let Go of the Pain”

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“Whenever something bad happens, keep calm, take a few deep breaths and shift the focus to something positive.”

Someone crushed my heart pretty badly. It was one of those breakups you don’t see coming, the kind of heartbreak you never thought could happen to you. But it happened to me, and I lost myself for a while. I was in so much pain, I wanted nothing more than to get rid of it. So I did.

But the only way to heal emotional pain quickly is by running away from it. And I knew that wasn’t something I could do. One of the main messages in my breathwork teaching is to feel everything—even when it’s excruciating.

But I was so TIRED of feeling the pain. I just wanted it to disappear. We’re wired to run from pain. We want to get as far away from it as possible, whether that means pushing it away or finding a way to go numb. The problem with those approaches is that they create bigger problems, in the form of disease, anxiety, and emotional stagnation.

If you’re someone who wants to live a deeply fulfilling life, you have to learn to face your pain. I know it doesn’t sound appealing, but ignoring your pain will only make it worse over time. Only by staring it right in the face, and really dealing with it, can you find the richness, beauty, and joy that comes with true freedom. Which do you want for your life?

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Why Do Emotions Get Stuck In the Body?

Any emotional energy that we don’t fully experience and process, can get trapped in the body.

  • When we talk ourselves out of feeling how we really do

    How many times have you told yourself it is “ridiculous to get upset over this!” or “not worth upsetting dad” to bring up. Those types of situations cause you to be at risk for trapping emotions. Emotions want a “voice” and if they are not acknowledged, they won’t go away.

  • When we are isolated at the time of the event

    When we are isolated while dealing with a stressful event, we are at risk for trapped emotions. I believe this is because it is human nature to find comfort in the sharing of our emotions — positive and negative. When we can’t reach out, we may be less likely to really feel them and experience them. It often feels safer to let go emotionally with someone else.

  • When we have never experienced something similar before

    Not having any coping skills for the specific event that’s bringing up negative emotions can really leave us “stuck.” If it’s the first time you are experience something, a death of a loved one for instance, you are more likely to “freeze” emotionally than you would be if you had coping skills for the situation. You would be more likely to have coping skills if you learned them during an earlier similar life event.

 

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The Top Most Commonly Stuck Emotions

The top  emotions on my list are the ones I see most often, in most people. Now, remember, these are just the ones that I commonly find to be lodged in the body. Certain events or years of your life can create different types of emotions, and even multiples of the same ones. These are just a general list of what comes up most during my sessions with clients, and for myself! Also keep in mind, they don’t all have to get stuck! Negative emotions aren’t bad. They can only harm if you don’t let them go.

1. Anxiety

While this is a commonly described “emotion,” my experience is that there is other, suppressed emotion under it creating a feeling of anxiousness. It’s best to find what is making you feel anxious instead of using the catch-all of “anxiety” to describe what you’re experiencing.

2. Disgusted

A feeling of loathing; when good taste or moral sense is offended; a strong aversion. Disgust is a feeling that is low enough on the radar to not say anything about. It’s not like anger where you can lose your temper and it comes bellowing out. Disgust is more of an internal ruminating that one often keeps to themselves and festers over.

3. Grief-stricken

Intense emotional suffering caused by loss, disaster, misfortune, etc.; an acute sorrow and deep sadness. A universal reaction to bereavement. Also can be feeling harassed, vexed or exasperated
Grief is something that we don’t often “have time for.” There are so many things humans have the tendency to grieve over. We often need to grieve over the loss of something we never attain (a job, for example), our expectations (the actions of a friend who doesn’t meet them) and many many other things. It’s easily overlooked because we don’t see things as important enough to take the time to say “we’re really feeling that loss,” unless it’s something we think is big enough like the death of a loved one.

4. Criticized

Criticized includes being criticized by others and also negative self-talk (e.g. “Iʼm such an idiot”), blaming the self, etc.  Illnesses can be forms of self-abuse (e.g., “I don’t deserve to be healed.”)
We are masters at this! This one becomes easily stuck because we do it so often to ourselves and we are usually the last people we will give a break to. Many people are willing to forgive others more easily than themselves. In addition, many people think this is a helpful behavior/emotion because it keeps them motivated and so on.

5. Unsupported

A lack of support, help or encouragement; not provided for by another; not defended when help is needed; feeling the burden is too heavy to bear alone. This one goes back to being isolated. Feeling unsupported is scary and makes us feel like we have nowhere to turn. When we have nowhere to turn, we don’t know what to do. And when that happens, we usually find a distraction and don’t really work through the feelings and let them go.

6. Unsafe

Feeling “unsafe” in the world is one of the energies that affect us most as far as our overall wellbeing. This can be feeling unsafe physically or emotionally. Feeling unsafe in the world leads to an overactive “fight, flight, or freeze” (stress) response in the body, which can create a host of emotional and physical challenges.

7. Overwhelmed

To be overpowered in mind or emotion; extreme stress; feeling overpowered with superior force; feeling excessively burdened. This is often self-inflicted. We live in a society where we never feel we’re doing enough, fast enough, good enough. So, we take on more. And then we get overwhelmed. Also, we can tend to be overwhelmed with emotion and if we don’t want to feel that, we can bury it and it can become trapped.

8. Worthless

Of no importance or value; without excellence of character, quality or esteem; serving no purpose. So many of us have given other people permission to define our worth. We are so caught in a pattern of this that we just hang on to how we didn’t live up to someone’s expectations, or that they thought “x, y or z” about us. We hold tight to those perceptions and are scared to let go of them, sometimes because we don’t really know who we are; and sometimes because other people’s perceptions of us serve us (let us “off the hook” for things we don’t want to do, for example).

9. Helpless

Helplessness is the sensation or perception that there is nothing one can do to fix, repair, or improve a situation. This feeling is a huge fear trigger which affects the mind and body greatly.
Feeling helpless in life is so common. And, such a scary feeling. But, we often don’t know how to get out of it. We don’t take the time to change our beliefs about “nothing will make a difference,” “it’s not worth it,” and “I don’t matter.” Changing long-held beliefs is a great way to reverse feelings of helplessness.

” The Art Of Education”

”We need to usher in an educational revolution and not just an evolution of teaching techniques.”

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The emergence of a knowledge-driven society demonstrated that everything can and must change and that the process of change is a continuous search for better solutions. Indeed, new scientific discoveries and technological innovations have become an integral part of our everyday biography. Objects we had grown accustomed to having been replaced by newer and more efficient products. If anything is truly permanent, it changes itself.

Yet the vast majority of people continue to have a pathological fear of change. They harbor feelings of great mistrust because they perceive change as an explicit acknowledgment of failure. Consequently, they are steadfast in their refusal to accept that the failure to shift thinking would, most certainly, lead to their obsolescence.

Research has substantively established an inter-linkage between countries that embrace innovation and, thus, change, and economic prosperity. People in such countries think different. They are more adventurous, less risk-averse and open to experimenting. Governments and the bureaucracy in emerging or developing economies, on the other hand, tend to suffer from an acute disavowal of all that challenges existing paradigms. New ways of seeing worry them. Consequently, our schools and colleges are unable to respond to the rapidly changing educational needs of a knowledge economy.

This has serious consequences. First, it adversely impacts economic growth because the quality of education is the principal driver of the growth engine. And second, because bad education does not lead to employability in a globally competitive environment. This is a profound and not imagined disaster that this country credibly faces and will, most certainly, undermine India’s aspirations as a global thinker.

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So, what is the role of education?

To paraphrase Nietzsche, all human action needs to be based on what we wish to achieve. Education, similarly, must have an end-objective. For students, it is a productive and sustained employability. For governments, this translates into contributing to the GDP. If education underachieves in this stated objective, it would be perceived as a failure, since more and more young people would become unemployable.

What this requires is the radical shaking up of the education system. First, this would ensure that the dead wood and dried-up leaves fall off. Second, the system would be reformatted to achieve 21st-century objectives. In short, we need to usher in an educational revolution and not just an evolution of teaching techniques. Yesterday’s curriculum and pedagogy have to give way to future needs and requirements. In effect, this means shifting from an education system that was crafted during the industrial era to one that is in consonance with the present-day demands of an ever-changing environment. In other words, the very DNA of education — both at the school and university level — needs to be changed.

For India, this is the need of the day. She is at the cusp of transformational change. Global perception of her attractiveness is remarkably upbeat. She has been invited to the high table. However, all these positive developments are directly related to whether India will deliver on promise and expectation. Is she, in other words, a safe bet? The attractiveness of the Indian workforce would be the key for corporate investors. This means that education would need to produce a world-class workforce that is in consonance with the expectations of the corporate investor.

This requires a fundamental overhaul in the way we perceive what education needs to deliver.

First, the education environment cannot be divorced from the external landscape. The “in-here” experience needs to be directly linked to the “out-there” experience. Our schools and universities are not a comfort zone or an idyllic island resort but rather deeply rooted in the here-and-now. The outside world is complex, volatile and unpredictable. Students need to be taught to embrace uncertainty and not be intimidated by it. Indeed, the job they might end up doing has not yet been created. Did any of us realistically believe, when we were students, that a living could be made by designing apps?

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Second, education needs to inculcate learning agility. In other words, education must craft persons who are open to new ideas, who are constantly learning new skills and willing to apply them but, more importantly, learning from experience and failure.

Third, we need to learn the importance of teamwork and focus. Teams are not a collection of silos but an integrated circuit with a clear objective. And finally, education administrators need to recognize that the teacher is simply a facilitator. Unless education is refashioned, we will embrace the 21st-century with a 19th-century mindset. The result would be a failure.

Restructuring the approach towards contemporary education, accordingly, needs to incorporate the following, among others:

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 Learning about learning: The teaching community and education administrators need to recognize the need to shift from teaching to learning. This is the transition from the sage on the stage to a co-learner. Substantive evidence exists of teachers abandoning the chalk and talk methodology with dramatic results.

Shifting the mindset of education providers: The fundamental paradox is that teaching is provided by an older generation to a younger one leading to a credible likelihood of a mismatch and disconnect in thinking, understanding and communication. Education is all about connecting and, thus, interpersonal relations. Students need to be able to relate to their teachers. If this is lacking, education will fail to meet the high societal expectations.

Embrace the internet The internet has made learning possible 24×7 without the teacher. Unfortunately, while the teaching community acknowledges the transformative impact of the internet, the embrace is perfunctory. Consequently, educational institutions are unable to take full advantage of the incredible world the internet opens up, which, for the most part, is entirely free.

Redesigning space: Design has assumed significance and rightly so. Studies have demonstrated how design impacts thinking. Various corporate offices are moving into open-style functioning and a fluid utilisation of space with funky designs that are immediately attractive. Schools and classrooms have, similarly, started changing. Indeed, even the term “classroom” is being replaced with “learning centres”. The consequent requirement is for the campus and the learning centres to become interactive, engaging and functional. They play a dramatic role in shifting pedagogy to a modern mindset.

Recognising that globalization is multiculturalism: A rapidly integrating world has substantially diluted geographical boundaries. Educational institutions need to recognise this dramatic new requirement and help open minds, so that we are sensitive and welcoming of other cultures.

The future is hurtling towards us at an extraordinary pace. Unless education is refashioned by a visionary leadership, we face the dire consequence of being left out of the mainstream.

 

”Tears- Crying For No Reason”

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”When a father gives to his son, both laugh; when a son gives to his father, both cry”.

As men age, we’re more prone to — and able to — express our pain and connect to our emotions. That’s not weakness, it’s hope.

I begin many days by crying. I’m not depressed, it’s not something I intend to do and I’m not a sad person. It just happens, often when I’m reading the morning paper. And it’s been going on for several years. A patient comes to a psychiatrist because he’s having sudden bouts of crying for no apparent reason. The doctor diagnoses depression and prescribes an antidepressant. The patient’s crying episodes are reduced, but there is still a problem.

In both cases, the diagnosis may be correct, but the reason for these bursts of uncontrollable crying and, less often, laughing may be due to an illness called pseudobulbar affect (PBA). (The illness may be known by several names, and more recently has been called involuntary emotional expression disorder, or IEED.)
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What Is PBA?

The main symptom of PBA is sudden, unexplained and unstoppable crying that occurs multiple times a day for no apparent reason. Similar sudden laughing can also occur, as well as bursts of anger. Very often, patients become socially isolated out of embarrassment, which can lead to other depressive symptoms.

Pseudobulbar affect is a condition that occurs due to other neurologic conditions and may occur in patients with amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS or Lou Gehrig’s Disease), multiple sclerosis (MS), Alzheimer’s disease, and Parkinson’s disease. Traumatic brain injury via accident or stroke may cause PBA to appear as well. Sometimes PBA symptoms uncover a hidden brain injury.
A major study found that 51% of people with PBA reported spending little to no time with friends and family, and 57% little to no time talking on the telephone. Thus the impact on daily life and functioning of this illness is extreme.
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Differences Between PBA and Mood Disorders

The primary difference between pseudobulbar affect and other mental illnesses like depression and bipolar are that the outbursts of crying, laughing and/or anger happen for no reason, last a very short time, and can occur many times in the course of a day. Still, one can see where a patient who only has bouts of crying might be diagnosed with depression, especially since one study found that almost 90 percent of PBA patients also had significant depressive symptoms.

Since social withdrawal/isolation is so often a symptom of major depressive episodes, the reason for it has to be determined. In depression and bipolar disorder, this is a primary symptom, while in PBA, it happens because patients are fearful of being in social situations. Imagine bursting out laughing during a funeral, or suddenly crying in the middle of a board meeting. Such events could easily make a person avoid any situation where PBA symptoms would be inappropriate and embarrassing.
Some symptoms of depressive episodes aren’t associated with PBA, such as changes in appetite and inappropriate feelings of hopelessness or guilt.
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Treatment

It’s only recently that a treatment specifically for PBA was found, and then only by accident. Researchers were testing a combination of two drugs to see if it helped symptoms of ALS, and although there was no effect on ALS, those patients who had PBA reported that the experimental treatment decreased their laughing and/or crying.

The combination consists of dextromethorphan and quinidine, a heart medication. Although dextromethorphan is a common ingredient in cough medicines, patients should not try to self-medicate for PBA, as the prescription medication is quite different.

More research is needed to determine whether the drug is safe for people with disorders like Parkinson’s disease. There are concerns about problems arising from mixing it with medications for these illnesses. In addition, patients taking antidepressants that act on serotonin, or those with any risk of heart rhythm problems, need particular cautions.

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Diagnosis or Misdiagnosis?

Some reliable tests for PBA have been developed, and more are in the works. Because so many people are misdiagnosed as having depression, bipolar, or other illnesses such as anxiety disorders or even schizophrenia, it’s impossible to know how many people in the U.S. actually have pseudobulbar affect. Estimates put the number of patients with PBA between one and two million. With time and education, more people will be identified as having PBA and have access to proper treatment.

At last, Perhaps social scientists will eventually find a way to exhaustively quantify the changes. Right now, though, it’s important simply to know what I and other men are seeing and feeling. We are more willing to admit to and feel the terrible pain of our losses; to weep in celebration of our own and other’s loving connections; to know and feel the threat that individual and collective greed and selfishness, and the fear that feeds them, pose to all of us and to generations beyond us. That our tender emotions are hopeful signs, not of weakness or pathology, but of a necessary and welcome growth — in our compassion, wholeness and, perhaps, our wisdom.

How I Finally Moved On From My “Non-Relationship”

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”I searched for years I found no love. I’m sure that love will never be a product of plasticity.”

Ending a relationship can be incredibly difficult no matter how toxic it is. Part of this is for simple biological reasons, as some scientific studies have shown that being in love activates the same areas of the brain as being high on cocaine.

Brain scans of lovers and people experiencing cocaine addiction both displays increased activity in the pleasure centers of the brain (most notably the dopamine centers) and decreased activity in the frontal lobe, which is the area responsible for cognition. This means that while falling in love can make us feel good, it can also profoundly affect our judgment.

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It is for this reason that love can sometimes be compared to an addiction. In love, much like an addiction, there may be negative side effects such as abuse or gaslighting. But despite all of those bad circumstances, it can still be difficult to kick the romantic attraction and feelings of love.

If you find yourself feeling trapped in a relationship you know is not healthy, consider these tips for letting go of it for good:

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1. Trust In Your Emotions: If you are feeling, more times than not, insecure and ill at ease about your relationship, you need to pay attention to this perception. You are not overly sensitive, insecure, needy, and irrational all of the time. People tend to tell themselves these things so as to push their negative emotions away and avoid confronting the possibility that a relationship may not be sustainable. Instead of criticizing yourself for your feelings, take them seriously and try to directly talk with your partner. If your partner habitually dismisses you, rejects you or turns the tables by blaming you for your feelings, this is an indicator that this relationship may simply not be workable. Manipulation through guilting you, telling you are overly sensitive, needy and turning the tables are key signs of a toxic union.

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2. Trust In Reliability: The basis of healthy love and friendship is believing people are going to do what they say they are going to do. It means something if your partner often leaves you hanging, shows up late or doesn’t show up at all. We all have off days or events come up that are out of our control, but most of the time your partner should be reliable. If you live with anxiety about what’s going to happen next or whether he/she is going to let you down, there is a major issue in your relationship. If you live off small crusts and crumbs of pleasure with your partner, then consider that this relationship may not have enough sustenance to keep you happy and healthy.

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3. Trust In Intuition: Have you ever had a hunch about someone but then talked yourself out of it, only to later have your original hunch confirmed? So often when partnering up we want so badly to believe in a person or in love that we dismiss our intuition. We know something is off or not quite right about our new partner but choose to ignore or push away these insights in favor of getting swept up in romantic love. Sometimes people push their intuition away for years or even marry, only to eventually have it all come crashing down when they can no longer ignore what they have always known to be true. When you have a hunch that something is off with your partner, talk with him or her about it, but when you continue to have the same sense that something’s not quite right, don’t push your instincts away. Your intuition is telling you that this particular person may be a lemon and that it is time to discard.

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4. Trust In Your Experiences: It means something important when most of the time you’re around your partner you feel ill at ease, uncomfortable or worried about tripping a switch to a fight. For things to be going well in your relationship, most of the time you should feel safe, at ease and comfortable with your partner and with bringing him/her around your friends and family. Remember when things start off poorly, they are unlikely to improve with time and hard work.

 

5. Trust Insecurity: Take full notice that you have a major issue if you feel insecure most of the time about how your romantic love feels about you or about what their level of commitment is to you. It’s not your fault when this insecurity wells up. Talk with your love about your feelings, your worries, your concerns and see if you feel better after this talk. You may have things you need to work on as an individual, but you should be able to talk with your partner about these things. Once your partner knows what the buttons are that make you insecure, he/she should not continue to push them. You should feel safe and secure with your love, not worried about if you are going to feel insecure in their presence.

Criticism and Creation: A Meditation

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“To avoid criticism say nothing, do nothing, be nothing.”

It is much simpler to criticize than it is to create. All criticism takes is a quick wit and a sharp tongue. It requires little investment of the depths of yourself, and you can all the while maintain a safe and respectable distance from committing yourself to anything.

Creation, on the other hand, is a profoundly self-giving and self-sacrificing enterprise. It requires me to pour myself out into a task, to dredge up the deepest parts of myself and give them expression in what it is I am creating. It is a difficult, vulnerable task; one laced with pitfalls and characterized by suffering.

The critic says to the creator, “you’re not doing it right.”

The creator says to the critic, “something must be done.”

I would much rather be a creator. I’m afraid that I’m the critic.

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God, You are the Creator who reigns over all of my potential for co-creation. Kindle in me a fire for all of the things that the critics within and without would keep me from doing. Help me to look for the beautiful and the good rather than a smug ability to point out things that are not as they should be while doing nothing about it. Stoke in me a flame of imagination that sees the power and goodness of Your kingdom making all things new.

”The Language of the Spirit.”

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“In reality, we live in everyone. I live in you. You live in me. There is no gap, no distance. We all are eternally one.”

Clashes between different religious groups seem to be on the rise, and there are more incidents of religious cleansing and abuse of religious minorities, The study says that around 33% of countries in the world have been displaying increasing religious hostility.

There are those who think that their religion is better, deeper and closer to the truth than others. However, the ones closest to God always had a different story to tell. Prophets, spiritual masters, and seekers belonging to different time periods and following diverse traditions have spoken about receiving similar visions and feeling comparable bliss. They report being one with the universe, feeling a strong positive force, developing a deep sense of meaning and purpose, experiencing transcendence, realizing the truth, appreciating the unity of the visible and invisible, moving closer to the Divine, and feeling limitless affection.

Spirituality is not identical with religion, although some use the two terms interchangeably. A person may be both religious and spiritual, or he may be religious and not spiritual, or he may be spiritual but not religious. While spirituality is the direct experience of realizing higher consciousness within, religion is an institutionalized set of beliefs, practices, and guidelines to be followed. Nonetheless, historically, every religion has had its basis in the direct experiences of a prophet or master – and followers consolidated and formulated the teachings in the form of a doctrine.

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Therefore, when we look deeply, we find that all religions are devoted to the one universal consciousness and its myriad manifestations. There may be apparent differences, but the deeper essence is the same. For instance, God has expressed unmatched love and compassion through His different manifestations, incarnations, and prophets. As per Hindu mythology, during the churning of the ocean, Shiva drank poison to save creation. The Bible narrates that when Jesus was being nailed to the cross, he asked his Father to forgive his executioners. Likewise, Zarathustra forgave his assassin by throwing his prayer beads at him. Then, there are several anecdotes that describe the compassion of Prophet Muhammad towards his enemies.

Buddha once told a king that if he believed that sacrificing an animal will take him to heaven, then sacrificing a human being will perhaps help him even better. Thus, Buddha urged the king to spare the animals and accept him as a sacrifice. Guru Nanak happily accepted captivity so that he could use it as an opportunity to enlighten an emperor to set free all prisoners of war. When the enlightened ones have always spoken a language of love, harmony, kindness, peace, and oneness, why are we going in a completely opposite direction?

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Psychology has time and again confirmed that human beings always interpret the incoming information based on their past experiences, judgment, personality, education, biases and cultural influences. Perhaps, while God has always spoken to us in the same language, we have interpreted it in different ways and constructed different religions. But, when it is the same force that illuminates all religions, why should we be bothered by external attributes and practices? Isn’t it better that we dissolve our prejudices, fundamentalism, and cultism and hear this language of oneness? Only then, the world will become a peaceful and joyful place.

Manifestation- “Create Your Own Reality”.

 

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“The only time you fail is when you fall down and stay down.” “When you connect to the silence within you, that is when you can make sense of the disturbance going on around you.”

A great many of my teachings are about how the mind creates the reality you live in. I teach people how to create their own reality. Many spiritual teachers do. The benefits of doing that are obvious. But what I want to talk to you about today is the shadow side of manifestation. The shadow side of “create your own reality”. I want to outline some common pitfalls that we might unintentionally tumble into once we have committed to the path of manifestation. Keep in mind that there is a lot of nuance in spiritual practice.

1. The first pitfall is that once we find out that we can make whatever we want to be true, become true for us, we will actually make true whatever we want to be true for us. We enter the la-la land. That may not at face value sound like such a bad thing. But take a look at the downside to this, if we have not fully questioned WHY we want something to be true, or WHY we want something to happen for us, we could be manifesting directly from our suppressed shadow side. For example, one woman who was an avid manifestation practitioner, but who was also an environmentalist, started dating a man who was an off-roading enthusiast. She loved this man, but the thing that was preventing her from being close to him was that he did not seem to care about harming the environment. He was not open to changing his principal past time so she was in an existential crisis. She decided that to be with him, she needed to have an open mind to off-roading. So she went with him on an off-roading trip. On the trip, they ended up killing a small sapling that was in the middle of one of their steepest routes and they ended up driving over some cryptogamic soil. She was thrown into a guilt spiral. She wanted desperately to be free of guilt. So she began to subconsciously and also consciously manifest proof that what she did wasn’t all that bad. Sure enough, she was a match to a meditation experience where she saw that death must occur for anything that is created and that the destruction of the environment was inevitable because it was created. She began to see proof that by adding to destruction, she was clearing the path for a new creation and that death could not be wrong so inherently, the killing cannot be wrong either. She was right. That is one perspective about destruction. But it is not the only perspective. It is not the only truth. And it is certainly not the full objective truth. She decided to invest further in the past time of off-roading in order to be close to her boyfriend.

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Did any of that feel off to you? If the answer is yes, here’s why… You can manifest whatever you want to be true. She wanted it to be true that what she did wasn’t a bad thing. So she manifested proof of it. But the thing to consider is why did she want it to be true? Because A) she wanted to not feel guilty and B) she wanted to be close to her boyfriend. Instead of asking for those two things directly from the universe, she began to manifest justification for something being right that she, in fact, knew felt wrong to her. She was unaware completely of the shadow aspect behind why she wanted it to be ok to go off-roading. The shadow aspect must be COMPLETELY unveiled for a manifestation to actually be completely in alignment. A serial killer can convince himself that by killing women, he is keeping them safe from an even worse fate. He will be able to argue that this is true. He will make it true for himself. But does that make it objectively true? More importantly, is it healthy or in alignment for him to make that thing he wants to have been true, actually be true in his own reality?
Being able to convince yourself of anything is only as good a mental tool as it does. In order to really create well, you need to come out of denial and use the shadow to enhance the light. Use the awareness of what is unwanted to design your perfect life and move towards that instead of trying to change the unwanted into want. We need to question why we want to manifest the reality we want to manifest, especially the shadow reasons. This is how to avoid becoming a serial killer who can justify killing people because, in his reality, he is keeping them safe.

2. The second pitfall is that often when we practice manifestation, we begin to disbelieve in objective truths that we don’t want to have been true for us. We go into a state of denial. For example, many of us don’t want to believe in danger. But the danger exists for people on earth. We may not want to believe that children are sold as sex slaves but they are. We don’t want to believe that there is radiation in the ocean, but there is. We don’t want to believe that the holocaust happened but it did. We don’t want to believe that corporations sway the government, but they do. There are a great many things that exist on earth that are real and objectively true that people don’t want to include in their subjective reality.
Is there an objective truth outside of subjective truth? Yes. Everyone and everything’s subjective truth combined into one big picture is objective truth. To be aware and enlightened, we need to remain open to seeing that truth. Regardless of how tempting it may be, you cannot progress on the spiritual path and live your life inside a bubble reality made for only one. It is a disconnection. We live in a consensus reality. Even though we absolutely can create a reality that is separate from everyone else’s reality, we came here to this consensus reality to co-create, not exempt ourselves from the co-creation. Why might I say the opposite to someone who is in a state of victimization and why might you hear me contradict this last statement while talking to someone in the future by telling them to “create your own reality without caring what is objectively true?” I might do that because they are currently thinking they have no hand in creating reality. They are powerless. But that is not where the truth ends.
Ask yourself these questions, is it a virtue to disconnect from the consensus reality to the degree that you are not even experiencing the same things as anyone else? How do we maintain a view of objective reality while living in our own subjective realities? Last week, I was over at someone’s house and I saw multiple low vibrational beings there, feeding off of someone’s energy field. But the owner of the house is a positive focus junkie who is unaware of the suppressed shadow aspects of himself. Because of his ‘everything is awesome’ vibration, he could not perceive them. The fact that he couldn’t perceive them does not mean that they weren’t there. It just means that he could not perceive them being there.

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You could ask why it is important to see what is there if it is unpleasant. I will tell you that awareness is the answer. Consciousness is the answer. When we discovered enlightenment and discovered how to create our own reality and started teaching it to each other, we did not mean create your own reality by willingly becoming ignorant. I will tell you that it is important to open up and become aware enough to see all of what is there the FULL picture. Not just half of the picture. Not just the light half and not just the dark half. What causes many of us pain is that our eyes are closed to the light half. Not that they see the dark half. Likewise, what causes many of us pain is that our eyes are closed to the dark half, not that we see the light half.
We need to expand on the idea that ‘create your own reality’ can lead us into the pitfall of denial. Mankind is one of the species on earth that is the most objectively self-aware. This has its upsides and its downsides. One upside is, with such a strong sense of “self”, enlightenment is often realized in human form. One downside is, with such a strong sense of self, there is strong motivation to have a positive sense of self and world, this means anything about the self or world that is perceived as negative is often denied.
The human consciousness becomes unaware of what is negative because the human consciousness has developed many beliefs which have made negative not ok. When we make something “not ok” we cannot admit to its existence. We must think we are good to such a degree that we cannot open up our vision wide enough to recognize aspects of ourselves that are out of alignment. Denial prevents us from moving forward as a species because we cannot even admit to what there is to transform. Denial is so much a part of the human consciousness since our species gained the ability to objectively conceptualize identity, that denial is now a self-preservation function of the human brain. Denial is a defense mechanism. It is fascinating to me (when I am not directly suffering because of it) that human consciousness tries to protect itself from itself.
Why are we unable to admit to an obvious truth we see? I suppose I should say, why, (when we are in denial) is obvious truth not obvious to us? Denial allows the ego to protect itself from things that the ego is convinced it cannot cope with. For example, if we are attached to the idea of being the best mother, we usually develop extreme resistance to the idea of not being a good mother. We feel as if we cannot cope with the possibility that we are not a good mother. This is where denial kicks in. The ego protects you from objectively seeing yourself because of the potential for pain. It sweeps the times you were a “bad mother” under the rug and only allows you to selectively remember the times when you were a “good mother”. You have stopped seeing the truth of yourself objectively. Your reality now consists only of what you want to believe. You have whitewashed over everything unsightly. A great many manifestation experts would tell you “good because your reality should only consist of what you want to believe is true”. I do not agree. I think your reality should consist of things you want to make true for yourself and beliefs that work for you whilst being acutely aware that other equal truths do exist in this world.

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Many of our spiritual practices are in fact not spiritual practices, they are excuses not to see or feel certain things that down deep we are afraid to exist or are true. We call this spiritual bypassing, which is the next pitfall. A selective focus for the purpose of manifestation is not the same thing as denial. But the selective focus for the purpose of manifestation serves as a very good excuse to go into a state of denial. You do not have to deny something to validate something else.
Denial is not only about a flat-out rejection of an evident truth. It is also about minimizing the importance of something that is already evidently true in your reality. If we are bypassing by denying or suppressing something, it means we are resisting something. So by encouraging someone to bypass, deny or suppress, we encourage them to resist. We need to allow and explore whatever we feel the need to deny, even if it is just a possibility. The longer we are in denial, the harder it is to come out of it. It is possible to positively focus on something without denying the negative.
The rule of thumb is that if we have extreme resistance to the idea of something being true, we are probably in denial about something. And the more committed we are to AVOIDING our painful emotions, the more in denial we will be. We need to practice non-aversion.
A very common thing to see in the manifestation community is people putting a positive spin on everything. While doing that can help you to see the full picture, and discover the more objective truth behind what happened to us (and thus not get stuck in negativity), the positive focus should not be used to avoid or whitewash over the negative side of the picture. When we do this, we are using positive focus as an analgesic. This is symptom relief, not real and lasting change. Our car broke down because we were supposed to see the pretty sunrise. We are smoking pot because it expands our consciousness. We are proud that our friend stabbed us in the back because she was getting her suppressed anger out. Our mother was a good mom to have because her addictions helped us to find out who we really are. We ignored our own intuition about going somewhere dangerous because we were the hero that was meant to ward off the bad guy. There is a very big difference between creating the kind of world we would prefer (which involves admitting to the full truth of how the world is currently for us) and covering a murder scene with yellow paint so it does not feel so bad. Are you manifesting an improved world for yourself and others? Or are you manifesting yellow paint?
3. The third pitfall is spiritual bypassing. Spiritual bypassing is the use of spiritual practices and beliefs to avoid dealing with our painful feelings, unresolved wounds, and developmental needs. Never has a spiritual belief system been invented that opens the door to spiritual bypassing wider than ‘you create your own reality’.

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4. The fourth pitfall is that Manifestation allows you to step into a judgmental state that is void of empathy and compassion because you have convinced yourself that people bring painful experiences onto themselves. I’m not going to go easy on this one. How many times have you heard the following… “They brought on their cancer. They are choosing to be depressed and focus negatively. They created poverty. They could just as easily change their mind and create something different”. It is easy to convince yourself that people either want to experience the painful things they are experiencing or that they are ignorant of creating their own reality and that’s why they are experiencing painful things. This is a disconnection in and of itself from others. And a kind of piousness. Just because someone was a match for cancer because of thoughts or childhood pain, doesn’t mean they deserve cancer and doesn’t mean that the cancer is not real. It also does not mean that they are deliberately consciously choosing it. Much of what occurs in people occurs subconsciously and to act like it is just a matter of attachment to pain or stubbornness or ignorance that makes someone create negative experiences in their reality, makes it feel terrible to spend time around you. Just because you know that you can create your own subjective reality that feels good to you all the time, does not mean that others (who do not currently know that or who have not perfected that art) are less evolved or less spiritual or are choosing to be attached to their pain and egos. In other words, the fourth pitfall is the risk of invalidating people, trivializing people’s experiences and losing compassion by becoming egotistical and holier than thou more manifest.
5. The fifth pitfall of manifestation is the avoidance of negativity. Once people learn that they create their own reality, the very next step people take is to avoid all things negative. You can’t think it if it’s negative, you can’t look at it if it’s negative, you can’t acknowledge it if it’s negative, you can’t do it if it’s negative or else you will create negative things in your reality. When we teach people to use their emotional guidance system by following their joy, people do set themselves free to create the reality that they envision. But the trap of this particular path is that all other emotions become “unacceptable” and one runs from unacceptable feelings.
Denial keeps these unacceptable feelings out of one’s consciousness. While our emotions are a guidance system, they are absolutely not guiding us to avoid all things negative. Suppression and denial of the negative abound as a result of creating your own reality. We avoid our entire shadow side. You don’t need me to tell you just how dangerous that is. Suppression and denial will do nothing but make your shadow larger and make it manifest even more intensely externally, regardless of how aware or unaware you may be of those manifestations.

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6. The sixth pitfall is that critical thinking (not to be confused with criticism) goes right out the window. The baby goes out with the bathwater. Critical thinking is the act of awakening the intellect to the study of itself. It is an open-minded stance. Critical thinking allows us to see multiple viewpoints before deciding what is actually in alignment to manifest. Many manifestation gurus are directly opposed to critical thinking. But the reason they are opposed to it is that you can and will manifest proof for anything you believe and then call it reasonable proof or reasonable thinking. But I happen to be of the opinion that our capacity for critical thinking actually makes us better at manifesting. It means we can develop awareness of all viewpoints before deciding a course of action in terms of creation. The more information we have, the better decisions we make. The more awareness we have, the better chance that our manifestations will be in alignment manifestations instead of out of alignment manifestations.
7. The seventh pitfall is never being able to access the present moment. If we are always focused on creation, we are never in a state of stillness and peace. We never really truly experience the now-ness of life or how the now-ness of life feels. We are never really present with ourselves. When we are using the unwanted to move towards the wanted, we are in a state of perpetual movement, always after the next best thing. This can be a kind of suffering in and of itself. It also makes it so you cannot fully be present with someone else unconditionally as they are right here and now so it can be a barrier to intimacy. If we are living only for what is coming and if we are living in our own LaLa land, we cannot really connect with other people. We can potentially even manifest a reality where we cannot really relate to them and they cannot really relate to us.
We need to practice present moment mindfulness and embracing what is, along with manifestation. We need to stop using manifestation to avoid the current state of ourselves and instead join ourselves in the now with our own unconditional presence. , Even the most exquisite spiritual methodologies can become traps of unconsciousness. You are practicing the art of manifestation. It is a practice that is full of nuances and complimentary contradictories. As frustrating as it is to navigate that minefield with no real solid truth to hold on to, it is an art form that brings you back to the awareness of being the infinite creator and teaches you to sculpt reality itself.

If you are interested in expanding on this concept, please check the link below:-

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”Introversion- The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking.”

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“It’s a very powerful thing to be quiet and collect your thoughts.”

At least one-third of the people we know are introverts. They are the ones who prefer listening to speaking; who innovate and create but dislike self-promotion; who favor working on their own over working in teams. It is to introverts.

If you had to guess, what would you say investor Warren Buffett and civil rights activist Rosa Parks had in common? How about Charles Darwin, Al Gore, J.K. Rowling, Albert Einstein, Mahatma Gandhi and Google’s Larry Page? They are icons. They are leaders. And they are introverts.

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Despite the corporate world’s insistence on brazen confidence–Speak up! Promote yourself! Network!—one third to half of Americans are believed to be introverts, according to Susan Cain, author of just-released Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking. She contends that personality shapes our lives as profoundly as gender and race, and where you fall on the introvert-extrovert spectrum is the single most important aspect of your personality.

Introverts may make up nearly half the population, but Cain says they are second-class citizens.

“A widely held, but rarely articulated, belief in our society is that the ideal self is bold, alpha, gregarious,” says Cain. “Introversion is viewed somewhere between disappointment and pathology.”

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The terms “introvert” and “extrovert” were first made popular by psychologist Carl Jung in the 1920s and then later by the Myers-Briggs personality test, used in major universities and corporations. By Cain’s definition, introverts prefer less stimulating environments and tend to enjoy quiet concentration, listen more than they talk and think before they speak. Conversely, extroverts are energized by social situations and tend to be assertive multi-taskers who think out loud and on their feet.

It was over the last century, says Cain, that society began reshaping itself as an extrovert’s paradise—to the introvert’s demise. She explains that before the twentieth century, we lived in what historians called a “culture of character,” when you were expected to conduct yourself morally with quiet integrity. But when people starting flocking to the cities and working for big businesses the question became, how do I stand out in a crowd? We morphed into a “culture of personality,” which she says sparked a fascination with glittering movie stars, bubbly employees, and outgoing leadership.

In the last few decades, this “Extrovert Ideal” has transformed workplaces, says Cain. Independent, autonomous work that favored employee privacy was eroded and practically replaced by what she calls “The New Groupthink,” which “elevates teamwork above all else.” Children now learn in groups. Ideas are formed in brainstorming sessions. Talkers are considered smarter. Employees are hired for “people skills,” and offices are designed to be open and interactive.

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Yet, according to Cain, it’s only worked to damage innovation and productivity. Research shows that charismatic leaders earn bigger paychecks but do not have better corporate performance; that brainstorming results in lower quality ideas and the more vocally assertive extroverts are the most likely to be heard; that the amount of space allotted to each employee shrunk 60% since the 1970s; and that open office plans are associated with reduced concentration and productivity, impaired memory, higher turnover and increased illness.

If we all lose in this situation, introverts lose more—with skills that are more likely to be overlooked and underappreciated. “Introverts living under the Extrovert Ideal are like women living in a man’s world,” says Cain. “Our most important institutions are designed for extroverts. We have a waste of talent.”

Cain is not seeking introvert domination. She acknowledges that big ideas and great leadership can come from either personality type. What she wants is a better balance and inclusion of different work styles. “In most job interviews, people say they are looking for people skills and emotional intelligence,” notes Cain. “That’s reasonable, but the question is, how do you define what that looks like?”

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Furthermore, she believes that extroverted and introverted leaders excel in different areas and can learn from each other. Studies show that introverts are better at leading proactive employees because they listen to and let them run with their ideas. Meanwhile, extroverts are better at leading passive employees because they have a knack for motivation and inspiration.

While extroverted leaders could learn from their counterparts to take a more careful approach to risk and let others speak up, Cain says introverted leaders need to push themselves to be more social. She offers John Lilly, former CEO of Mozilla, as an example. He would force himself to walk the halls and make eye contact because he hadn’t realized how much it offended people when he didn’t greet them.

Ultimately, Cain believes, as a society, we are starving for stillness and need to turn down the noise. “It’s a very powerful thing to be quiet and collect your thoughts.”

 

”If You Make Us Feel Invincible, We’ll Make You Feel Beautiful.”

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”If you love someone, set them free”

Whether you are a man or a woman reading this article, this will give you greater clarity in yourself/partner and what your/their needs are in your intimate relationship.

Let’s put an end to the needless fighting due to miscommunication, the unnecessary sex-less nights, and the verbal shut-downs.

Read through these tips and I promise you’ll never see your relationship through the same lens again.

Open any beauty magazine and you’ll see article upon article about what women want in relationships and how to get it. But there’s rarely space for men to express their relationship needs. And women need to know. So let’s create that space. Here. Now. Maybe it can be the first domino to start a conversation. You may or may not agree with these. What’s more important is that we talk about it. The following are based on my sessions coaching thousands of men on and offline as well as my own wants.

To feel like your hero:-

We don’t want to be your Clark Kent. We want to be your Superman. We want you to see us as leaping tall buildings in a single bound and catching bullets. Not pushing a mail cart and asking you if we can buy sugar cereal < — Or at least feel that way. And I know it’s our job to get there, not yours. But nothing gives us more strength than a woman who creates a space that makes us feel invincible. If you make us feel invincible, we’ll make you feel beautiful. And of course, you want to feel invincible too and we want to feel beautiful as well. But for men, our invincible is your beauty.

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Acceptance:-

There’s a new T-shirt trending Los Angeles titled “Love Me Anyways.” They should make them for men. Because we need to feel that when we stack the dishes in the dishwasher like a five-year-old, say the wrong thing in front of your friends, leave the toilet seat up, get too logical, forget something you’ve said a thousand times, that you love us anyway. Because inside every man is a boy who forgets he’s a man sometimes. And every boy gets into things, not because he’s bad but because he’s got a curious mind and a short attention span.

Unconditional support from our woman is what will snap us out of our boyish behavior and inject us with a desire to be a stronger man. Only when you accept us as we are, who we are, will we want to become someone better.

Not to be left in the dark:-

So many women don’t tell their men how they feel because they don’t want to rock the boat. Or they’re afraid. The truth is when you don’t express yourself, you leave us in the dark. You’re not doing life with us. You’re doing life around us. We don’t really know the truth of you. You are prepackaging and presenting parts of your life instead of doing your whole life with us. This creates a crowbar, not glue.

Couples grow and get stronger overcoming adversity, not by doing life separately. Know that every time you hold things in, you are building walls inside the sacred space of the relationship. No, we don’t want you to verbally vomit on us. But believe it or not, we really do want to know how you feel.

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Blinders sex is about connection:-

There’s sex. Then there’s blinders sex, the kind of sex that gives you blinders, keeps your eyes forward and intentions straight when you’re out in the world. Let’s face it. Men are going to look. They’re like squirrels. They get distracted by shiny things. But there’s a difference between noticing and wanting. We’re visual creatures. We notice shiny things. But blinder sex gets us to say, “Yeah, she may be pretty but I would never trade in what I have for anything else.”

Blinders sex isn’t just good sex. It’s an authentic deep connection with someone that makes you fantasize about them in the shower, call in sick so you can lie in bed all day making love and eating Oreos. It produces an experience that cannot happen with anyone else. That’s why it gives us blinders. Blinders sex is about connection. Not sex.

The C-word:-

Communication. Without it, relationships are built on sand. We want you to communicate directly. We don’t get clues. We need things spelled out. We are logical creatures. And we understand that if you have to spell it out, it’s not the same. You don’t want us to do the dishes. You want us to want to do the dishes. We get it. OK, then tell us. Explain. Model how you would like us to communicate back.

For many of us, communication is not our specialty. We need some guidance. Generally speaking, men tend to pull from a logical place. Women pull from an emotional place. If you can meet us at logic, we will match your emotions.

Sweat:-

There’s nothing sexier than working out with your intimate partner. Watching you sweat and work on your body only encourages us to work on ours as well. We get to see the raw and real you, a different type of naked. Now, if we do this together, we’re in the act of building something, a lifestyle. We’re not just talking. We’re doing. And that’s hot. We need to sweat and we would like it if you joined us.

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Mandates:-

There is something we get from our boys (male friends) that we just can’t get from you. And there’s nothing you can do to give us that because it’s a relationship dynamic, a comradery that men have with men. You have the same when you go dancing with your girlfriends. And it doesn’t mean we want to be with them more. It’s apples and oranges. It fulfills a different part of us. And it refuels us and wants to be with you more. It’s life balance. It’s also going to sharpen us and make us better men, assuming our boys are not boys but real men.

To have our own lives:-

We may not say it, because how do you tell the person you love to get a life? But we really want you to have your own life. Really. We want you to have your own set of friends, activities, and passions. Of course, we want to be supportive of everything you care about and be a part of anything you would like us to be a part of, but we want you to have your own identity.

Because if you have nothing that is yours, our relationship is standing on one leg. Also, if you have your own life, it forces us to get our own lives as well or risk losing you. Forget legs. Let’s put our relationship on wheels. One is yours. One is mine. And together, we’ll ride.

Cutting Addiction: Why Do People Cut Themselves?

creative_self_harm-1330467257m“In case you didn’t know, dead people don’t bleed. If you can bleed-see it, feel it-then you know you’re alive. It’s irrefutable, undeniable proof. Sometimes I just need a little reminder.”

Today, people stand proudly against being fat-shamed or slut-shamed, but it’s harder to find someone who will stand up and disclose their own cutting or other self-injury. Self-harm is one of the last things people feel ashamed of, despite it being far more widespread than you might suspect.

Cutting and self-harm can be a way of coping with problems. It may help you express feelings you can’t put into words, distract you from your life, or release emotional pain. Afterward, you probably feel better—at least for a little while. But then the painful feelings return, and you feel the urge to hurt yourself again. If you want to stop cutting or self-harming but don’t know how, remember this: you deserve to feel better, and you can get there without hurting yourself.

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What is Self-Harm?

Self-harm is a way of expressing and dealing with deep distress and emotional pain. It includes anything you do to intentionally injure yourself. Some of the more common ways include:

  • Cutting or severely scratching your skin
  • Burning or scalding yourself
  • Hitting yourself or banging your head
  • Punching things or throwing your body against walls and hard objects
  • Sticking objects into your skin
  • Intentionally preventing wounds from healing
  • Swallowing poisonous substances or inappropriate objects

Self-harm can also include less obvious ways of hurting yourself or putting yourself in danger, such as driving recklessly, binge drinking, taking too many drugs, and having unsafe sex.

Regardless of how you self-harm, injuring yourself is often the only way you know how to:

  • Cope with feelings like sadness, self-loathing, emptiness, guilt, and rage
  • Express feelings you can’t put into words or release the pain and tension you feel inside
  • Feel in control, relieve guilt, or punish yourself
  • Distract yourself from overwhelming emotions or difficult life circumstances
  • Make you feel alive, or simply feel something, instead of feeling numb

But it’s important to know that there is help available if you want to stop. You can learn other ways to cope with everything that’s going on inside without having to hurt yourself.

The technical term for cutting is non-suicidal self-injury, and it’s defined as the deliberate, self-inflicted destruction of body tissue. But keep in mind two important facts: first, cutters aren’t trying to kill themselves. By contrast, they often self-harm to feel alive rather than numb. Second, it’s“for purposes not socially sanctioned.” So, no matter how you feel about your daughter’s nose or belly button piercing, it doesn’t count as self-harm. But cutting, burning, carving words or symbols into one’s skin, painful hair-pulling, or literally banging one’s head against the wall certainly do count.

So what’s going on? To an outsider, self-harm may seem incomprehensible, even crazy, but if you go with the truism that each person copes as best as they can with the resources they have at the time, it might be a little easier to understand. With that, here are four reasons individuals self-injure:

Reason #1: Physical pain takes away emotional pain:- The physical pain of cutting not only diffuses negative emotion, but it also creates a sense of calm and relief. Because it works almost instantly, cutting is highly reinforcing—some even say addictive. Individuals who cut describe the sensation as an escape or a release of pressure, similar to how people suffering from bulimia describe purging.

Eventually, the brain starts to connect the relief from emotional pain with cutting. This creates a strong association, or even a craving, that can be difficult to resist. And while most people who self-injure do so for two to four years, there are many who continue on well beyond that time frame. The frequency of self-injury also varies; some do it daily, while others can go weeks, months, or even years between episodes.

Reason #2: People who cut are their own harshest critics:- A study asked college students who cut themselves, plus a control group of non-cutters, to keep a daily diary of their emotions for two weeks. The biggest difference between those who cut and those who didn’t? People who cut reported feeling dissatisfied with themselves much more often than non-cutters. This dissatisfaction manifested as harsh self-criticism. Indeed, anyone who self-injurers is really hard on themselves, and they sometimes carve their criticisms into their skin: “fat,” “stupid,” “failure.” Interestingly, a study showed that harsh self-criticism is most strongly related to self-harm, rather than other, more indirect forms of self-injury, like eating disorders, drinking or drug abuse.

Reason #3:  Cutting can be a way to stop feeling numb:- In particular, individuals with a trauma history may self-harm to take control of their own pain, and feel something other than numbness.

Reason #4: It’s an alternative outlet for emotional pain. Kids raised in a household where sadness, hurt, or disappointment gets invalidated or mocked start to believe that it’s not okay to feel bad. They turn to cut as an “acceptable” way to feel pain—if they’re not allowed to feel it emotionally, they’ll let it out physically.

In short, think of cutting and self-harm as any other unhealthy coping mechanism like getting drunk, binge eating, or getting high; it’s a way to feel something other than what you’re feeling, or it can be a way to punish yourself for not measuring up.

It goes without saying that cutting is dangerous. Even when suicide isn’t the intention, it’s all too easy to cut too deeply. In fact, individuals who cut know it’s unhealthy– they go to great lengths to hide their behavior, not to mention their scars.

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How to Prevent Self-Harm:-

In a study, researchers asked people who formerly cut themselves why they stopped. There were many answers, but there were three big ones. First, almost 40 percent said that they stopped cutting when they came to realize that they could handle feeling crappy for a while and that they would probably feel better soon. Nearly a quarter (24 percent) stopped because they felt someone loved or cared for them—they may have entered a loving relationship or their friends made them feel worthy and cared for. And a full 27 percent said they simply grew out of it.

But if those things don’t come into your life, what are some concrete methods to stop?

First, it’s important to match the solution with the reason for cutting. If cutting is a way to feel deep dark emotions, experiment with ways to feel those emotions safely: listen to music that matches how you feel, have a good cry, or write out your thoughts in a journal, even if you just write page after page of profanity in big black letters. If cutting is a way to release tension, move your body—visit a boxing gym or go for a long, pounding run.

If channeling your pain into another activity doesn’t work, simulating cutting might help. It won’t be as satisfying, but it’s safer. Squeeze ice until your hands hurt or draw on your skin with a red marker instead of cutting it.

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Finally, you can try to wait it out. It will be excruciating, especially at first, but the urge to cut will eventually pass. Promise yourself (or someone who loves you) that you’ll put at least 10 or 20 minutes, or however long you agree on, between the urge to cut and actually doing it.

Cutting can be notoriously difficult to stop on your own. If you’re struggling with self-injury, do the strong thing and reach out to a mental health professional for support, help, and accountability. No one should suffer such emotional pain they feel the need to self-injure; a good therapist can help you get back on track.

To wrap up, cutting can be a hard habit to break—that harsh inner critic is a  voice not easily silenced.  It will take time and courage, but know that that inner critic can slowly be edged out by something you didn’t even know you had: inner strength.

”You Need to Know When Pursuing An Ambitious Dream.”

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”Be a warrior when it comes to delivering on your ambitions. And a saint when it comes to treating people with respect, modeling generosity, and showing up with outright love.”

Ambition gets a bad rap. The trait that pushes someone toward success can sometimes turn into a game where winning isn’t about achieving; it’s about beating the other person. Channel it correctly, however, and ambition can bring great results.

“On average, ambitious people attain higher levels of education and income, build more prestigious careers, and report higher overall levels of life satisfaction,” “Many of man’s greatest achievements are the products, or accidents, of their ambition.”

The key is to pursue healthy ambition: “People with a high degree of healthy ambition are those with the insight and strength to control the blind forces of ambition, shaping [it] so that it matches their interests and ideals. “They harness it so that it fires them without also burning them or those around them.”

They harness it so that it fires them without also burning them or those around them. Nearly anyone can be ambitious given the right internal and external stimuli, Here are six things you can do to harness your ambition and focus on success over competition:-

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 THEY SET GOALS BUT DON’T SHARE THEM:-

Ambitious people are goal-oriented and are always striving towards the next accomplishment, but healthy ambition involves keeping your goals private.

Psychologists have found that telling someone your goal makes it less likely to happen, “Any time you have a goal, there are some steps that need to be done, some work that needs to be done in order to achieve it. Ideally you would not be satisfied until you’d actually done the work. But when you tell someone your goal and they acknowledge it, psychologists have found that it’s called a ‘social reality.’ The mind is kind of tricked into feeling that it’s already done. And then because you’ve felt that satisfaction, you’re less motivated to do the actual hard work necessary,”

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THEY ARE WILLING TO TAKE RISKS:-

Ambition takes a willingness to step into fear and anxiety, “Some people are better able to tolerate this fear, perhaps because are more courageous, committed, or driven, and can minimize the fear,” “Ambitious people act with purpose, but allow themselves room to explore, experiment and discover.”

“Don’t be surprised if a breakthrough emerges from a well-managed crisis,” a firm that mentors high-achieving teenagers and adults. “Ambition is the act of being an innovative change-maker.”

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THEY EXPOSE THEMSELVES TO NEW WAYS OF THINKING:-

Ambitious people break away from consistent groupthink, and expose themselves to new ways of thinking.

“Talk with and learn from people different from you,” suggests Ma. “Be open to dialogue with acquaintances and even select strangers, as you may uncover interesting opportunities.”

Burton says ambition makes people resourceful: “It forces us to grow, often in unexpected ways,” he says.

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THEY ARE FOCUSED ON EXECUTION:-

Often people spend the most time working on building their skill set and researching solutions or possibilities. While it’s wise to craft and execute a strategy for any given type of important vision or outcome you want to achieve, ambitious people put the main emphasis on pulling the trigger.

“An executor is one who gets shit done,“If your execution is poor, nothing matters.”

THEY DON’T COMPETE WITH OTHER PEOPLE:-

Your biggest competitor should be yourself, “Avoid the trap of comparing yourself with others and measure success only against what you are capable of achieving, “Nothing beats hard work with focus and passion. Stretch yourself.”

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THEY SURROUND THEMSELVES WITH OTHER AMBITIOUS PEOPLE:-

Finally, applying the “power of proximity” by networking with clusters of successful people. You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with,“Find role models. Befriend and learn from mentors. Make friends with people smarter than you and more successful in fields you are interested in.”

”This Realization Is The Key…”

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”External nature is only internal nature writ large.”

Swami Vivekananda

The world is suffering because of pollution. There is no point in shouting from the rooftops that carbon emissions are rising substantially. Every individual can act with the realization that his actions can make a difference in decreasing pollution levels across the world. This realization is the key. If each of us decides to act, it will make a difference.

If we do not act now, we will end up destroying ourselves. Already the number of people getting sick, who require treatment for diseases caused by air and water pollution, is on the rise.

To respect nature, we have to learn to accept ourselves. Scientists keep reminding people of global warming, of glaciers melting. But has that led people to lead less ostentatious lives?  No, nothing has changed.

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It is only when people realize that each of their small interventions is going to make a difference, little by little, that they will begin to act differently. Each of us can start by planting trees, saving water, walking or using a bicycle whenever possible. We are planting trees in the compound and in all the surrounding areas.

Each of us must start with our immediate surroundings. First, start by keeping your room clean. If we want to change our surroundings, we have to first change our own lifestyle.

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Pollution level in Delhi, India:-

Every year, there is so much smog in and around Delhi. Other cities in India are also getting polluted. Look at how the rivers in India have become so dirty. Let me remind you that nature knows how to act by itself. She knows how to balance things out. But when she creates a balance, this balance could go against us.

The present practice whereby the natural flow of rivers is being blocked or water diverted in huge quantities – all these go against the laws of nature. This is because the natural flow of a river is like the network of veins in our body. When we begin re-channelizing the flow, it could adversely impact the riverine system and its surroundings.

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If we are going about changing everything in nature, we are going against the natural flow of energy on this earth. It is important not to block energy sources. Often, people pretend to be what they are not in order to please others. We cannot go against the laws of nature.

Technology has taken over our lives and people have stopped thinking for themselves. They have allowed their brains to get frozen. They seem to forget that they too are part of nature.

This complete denudation of nature must be seen against how our freshwater resources have begun to shrink substantially. All this will affect the world sooner than later. We must never forget that this could happen. And once that happens, we will be in serious trouble. Water is a basic requirement.

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I recommend to everyone who has the means, that they must have a garden however small it may be. In this garden, we must grow an Ocimum tenuiflorum or Tulsi plant as it helps to purify the air. A garden reminds us of the need for us to respect nature. Each of us has to make a contribution to the planet and we need to start doing this right away.

”We Will Emerge From The Cocoon, Spread Our Wings, And Fly”

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‘I am closest to my mother, as she is my rock, my pillar of strength, and my world. Not only has she stood by me through all times – happy, sad, and otherwise – but there have even been moments when I had completely lost hope, and her immense belief in me had lifted me up.”

Devastating heartbreak. Sudden illness. Unexpected departures.

Whether it’s a business challenge or a personal situation, tough times happen for everyone.

Trying to “stay positive” and “keep the faith” can feel almost impossible.

And no matter how strong we think we are, unforeseen change can leave us all feeling quite vulnerable and lost.

That’s why it’s important to remember that even though you may feel helpless — you’re not.

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When things fall apart, we sit still.

When things fall apart, we run fast.

When things fall apart, we hang on.

Marilyn Monroe said, “Sometimes things fall apart so that better things can fall together.”

Falling apart is to be expected in the process of life, growth, aging, and death.

What if we stop looking at breakdowns as falling apart, but rather the place between what was and what will be? The time just before things come together in a different way.

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When the caterpillar enters the chrysalis and its metamorphosis begins, we can only imagine that the process of this transformation will be uncomfortable. The cells of the caterpillar literally become what are called “imaginal cells” as the tiny creature grows into something completely different and utterly magical.

Unless the caterpillar undergoes this radical transformation, it will never fly as a beautiful butterfly.

If we don’t break down, we don’t break through.

There isn’t a single successful person out here in the world who hasn’t learned to weather breakdowns and failures.

Pema Chodron said, “Things falling apart is a kind of testing and also a kind of healing. We think that the point is to pass the test or overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don’t really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It’s just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.”

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Mistakes are painful. Sometimes they are life-threatening, or send us to prison, or cause the loss of those we love. Squirming through the discomfort of perceived failure can be downright humiliating.

But when did we decide that worrying and panicking would make any difference?

When you come up against a situation like this remember that on the other end is a golden nugget of hard-earned truth molded from experience. And stretching yourself in that way will lead to expansion.

You get to become comfortable being uncomfortable. We say this a lot. Amazing things rarely happen in your comfort zone, on the couch eating Doritos. In your comfort zone is where you only dream of amazing things happening.

I will never forget the time I was at one of my early team handball practices.  Things weren’t going the way I wanted, I was pissed off, my legs were burning, and I was far from comfortable.  I was in a bad mood and complaining to myself when something literally life-changing happened for me.

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As I turned around to take a look at the other end of the court we were sharing with another team’s practice, I saw that this wasn’t just any team. It was a team of basketball players in wheelchairs. They were going at it hard, leaving everything on the court. Here I was complaining to myself about my legs burning when I realized in an aha moment that I was beyond blessed to have the feeling of these legs burning at all. What would any one of those players give to feel what I was feeling?

Those players could’ve given up when they lost the use of their legs or never started playing at all. But they dreamed of playing and so they did whatever it took to get on the court. Words can’t express how much they inspired me to see my life differently.

Oftentimes when things fall apart, if we just open our eyes, we will see something immensely beautiful.
We will emerge from the cocoon, spread our wings, and fly.

”The Year We Fell Apart And That’s Okay”

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“Look for something positive each day, even if some days you have to look a little harder.” 

Not because I don’t think it will be (because, okay, it will be). But because that’s not helpful to you where you’re standing right now. That’s a thing we say to each other when we can’t find any other words.

It will be fine. It will be okay. Everything will work out.

These are all real and true statements that apply to you, no matter where you stand. I have enough trust and faith for the both of us that everything you and I are walking through at this moment, we’re both going to come out the other side wiser and happier than we ever thought possible.

But the truth is, those words don’t help. Instead, they usually cut us on a level we didn’t know pleasant words of comfort had the ability to cut.

Because even if it’s true that it will be okay… it’s not okay right now, and sometimes that’s all we can see and feel and hear. Sometimes that’s all we can register inside our weary bodies.

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It’s not okay that someone you loved is no longer living and breathing and giving their gifts and presence to this world. It’s not okay that everything is falling apart around you, that your world is imploding more and more every moment of every day. It’s not okay that the bank accounts are at zero, or possibly into the negative, with no sign of relief. It’s not okay that someone was nasty or cruel to you in ways that shattered your heart. It’s not okay that you’re exhausted to the point you can’t make it through a single day without curling into a sobbing ball on your kitchen floor. It’s not okay that you’re swimming in failure or shame or a grief like you’ve never known.

Whatever it is for you… it’s not okay right now.

So we tell each other it will be okay… because we don’t know what else to say, and we don’t know how to climb into the sh*t with someone and just hold their hand while they cry or scream or rage it out.

I’m not going to tell you it’s going to be okay:-That everything is going to work out.
I’m not going to tell you it will be fine or to buck up.
That you’ve got this and you’ll see it soon.

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Instead, I’m going to tell you that I see your pain:- I understand how much it sucks right now. How your heart is heavy and your spirit is weary. How it’s taking everything you have just to get through the day. I see you. I feel you. I love you. I know… I get it, I really do. And I also know exactly how much willpower it takes to not punch someone in the face for telling you it will be okay. Especially when it feels like “being okay” is completely out of reach, no matter how hard you fight to find your footing and dig your way out of the darkness that’s nearly consuming you. I see your pain and I’m holding you in my heart with all the love I have to give. Because it’s okay that everything is not okay right now.

I’m going to tell you that you’re stronger than you know:-Because you are, my friend. You are powerful beyond measure whether you know it or not. You have a purpose and a contribution to this world that only you can make. I know it doesn’t feel like it when all you can do is find a way to get yourself out of bed each morning when the hours begin to weigh on your chest like a ton of bricks and breathing becomes more difficult the longer you’re forced to be awake and upright. But you’re doing it, love. It may not be at a rate or pace that you want, but you’re doing it. Just by getting out of bed and finding a way through the next moment that smacks you in the face. And you’re stronger than you give yourself credit for.

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I’m going to tell you that trust and faith go a long way:-I’ve never tried to pretend that trust and faith are easy. They’re not. Not even a little bit. But they are all we have when nothing is okay and everything is falling apart. They are all we have to make it through to what’s next. I say this from a place of walking through some seriously dark life chapters.

Chapters filled with depression that nearly killed me by my own hand, with being so broke that I owed the bank money and was being threatened with losing my house. Chapters that ripped someone from my life in the most abrupt and tragic way, and that have torn everything known and stable and secure from my hands. Somewhere along the lines, I found trust and faith, and I’ve never let go, regardless of the chaos around me. Trust and faith. It’s all we have, and they go a very long way when everything feels impossible.

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I’m going to tell you that you’re not alone:-Even though I know it feels that way like you’re the only person in the history of the world who has experienced this much loss and pain and struggle. Even the happiest and successful people have been through some sh*t, or are probably walking through their own storms right now.

You’re not alone. You do not have to do this alone. If ever there was a thing that lifted me out of the depths of grief, it was being reminded that I wasn’t alone. That I didn’t have to do this alone. You, my friend, are not alone.

I’m going to tell you that I love you:-Because I do. Because you’re here and you’re having a bad day. Because you’re human and that makes you beautiful and messy and all things lovable.

”Beyond The Barriers: Do You Feel Trapped By Your Circumstances’

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“As long as we know we’re trapped, we still have a chance to escape.” ~Sara Grant

Feeling trapped and defeated are experiences common to people who face anxiety and depression, according to psychological research. In other words, feeling trapped can create anxiety and depression, which further reinforces the feeling of being trapped. And so the cycle continues. But the question is, why do

we feel trapped in the first place? Anxiety and depression may trigger this experience, and also be the byproduct of it, but what actually creates the anxiety and depression?

Do you ever feel as if you’re trapped within your life, constrained by circumstances and unable to achieve the true freedom that you desire? Do you sometimes feel overwhelmed, trying to muster up options you could take, only to assess none of them are practical and there is simply nothing rational that you can do to change where you’re at?

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Maybe you have ideas you’d like to pursue but a door has been slammed in your face, or maybe a significant event has happened that’s left you in turmoil. If a situation is out of our control, we may rationally comprehend there is no point in worrying about it, there is nothing you can do except accept it and carry on, however, this is often easier said than done often when you yearn for a change of some kind to happen.

The merry-go-round of the incessant mind: –Whilst silencing your mind and accepting the situation may seem like the logical thing to do, our minds are vast playgrounds of thoughts, where we can have fun in our imagination, or we can turn on ourselves and tear apart the intricacies of our life. Always chatting, always whirring, always there with the checklist ready to mark out what is and isn’t going well – the mind will always have something to say if you allow it to speak and are willing to listen.

When you feel there is nothing you can do, consider that this situation is more like an enforced Time Out given to us by the universe. We can be so busy in our lives, we must remember that if we start heading in a less preferable direction, the universe may push you to a position where the ability to navigate is taken out of your hands. During these periods, remember another door will open – it may be that currently, you’re focusing your attention in the wrong direction so you can’t see the wood for trees, and with a little time to reflect, and maybe a little more knowledge gained, you will find a progression that truly pleases your soul and your community.

This enforced period of nothingness, where your limbs appear tied, can be uncomfortable, maybe you’ve actually fallen ill and your body is restricting what you can do – whether your restraints are physical or metaphorical, we must consider that this period is happening for a reason and one day, when the universe is ready to unfold, your solution will appear.

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Human Being or Human Doing:-So often we busy ourselves to the extent where the term Human Doing would better describe our species, but we must remember that the ultimate human experience is simply to enjoy Being. Yes, there are many things we would like to do, places we’d like to go and people we’d like to meet, but if the universe doesn’t feel like letting you do those things at the moment, try telling your mind to take some time off, and try your best to simply enjoy being exactly where you are.

If you find it impossible to enjoy your surroundings, try to consider what you have in your life right now that you are grateful for. Consider you are grateful for your heart which is beating in your chest and its capacity to love, consider that you’re grateful for the roof over your head, the food in your cupboard, and the souls in your life who you care for.

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‘Just for today…’ Counting your blessings during turbulent times will be your first route to giving your mind something positive to focus on. If you consider that things could be worse, and try to at least switch off from worrying ‘Just for today’, you can take life one day at a day, remaining positive and trying to center yourself on the notion that what will be will be. If we live our lives doing the very best we can each day, we can have faith that we will be guided in a positive direction towards finding that silver lining.

One thing we can rely on is Change – nothing in our world is ever constant, nor ever remains the same. So, whilst you may feel trapped now, take peace in the knowledge that circumstances evolve naturally, sometimes there are things you can do to move things forward and sometimes there aren’t, but either way, change will come.

”Rising Storm-Everyone’s Doing The Best That They Can”

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”Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value.”

Albert Einstein

I’m sometimes amazed and embarrassed by how critical I can be — both of other people and of myself. Even though I both teach and practice the power of appreciation (as well as acceptance, compassion and more) when I find myself feeling scared, threatened or insecure (which happens more often than I’d like it to), I notice that I can be quite judgmental. Sadly, as I’ve learned throughout my life, being critical and judgmental never works, feels good or leads me to what I truly want in my relationships and in my life. Can you relate to this?

I’ve recently been challenged by a few situations and relationships that have triggered an intense critical response — both toward myself and some of the people around me. As I’ve been noticing this, working through it and looking for alternative ways to respond, I’m reminded of something “It’s important to remember that people are always doing the best they can, including you.”

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The power of this statement resonated with me deeply when I heard it and continues to have an impact on me to this day. And although I sometimes forget this, when I do remember that we’re all doing the best we can given whatever tools and resources we have, and the circumstances and situations we’re experiencing, it usually calms me down and creates a sense of empathy and compassion for the people I’m dealing with and for myself.

Unfortunately, we tend to take things personally that aren’t, look for what’s wrong, and critically judge the people around us and ourselves, instead of bringing a sense of love, understanding, acceptance, forgiveness, and appreciation to the most important (and often most challenging) situations and relationships in our lives.

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When we take a step back and remember that most of the time people aren’t “out to get us,” purposefully doing things to upset or annoy us, or consciously trying to make mistakes, disappoint us or create difficulty (they’re most likely just doing the best they can and doing what they think makes the most sense) — we can save ourselves from unnecessary overreactions and stress. And when we’re able to have this same awareness and compassion in how we relate to ourselves, we can dramatically alter our lives and relationships in a positive way.

Here are some things you can do and remember in this regard:

1.) Give people the benefit of the doubt:-Most of the time, people have good intentions. Many of us, myself included, have been trained to be cautious and suspicious of others, even seeing this as an important and effective skill in life and business. However, we almost always get what we expect from people, so the more often we give people the benefit of the doubt, the more often they will prove us “right,” and the less often we will waste our precious time and energy on being cynical, suspicious and judgmental.

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2. Don’t take things personally:-One of my favorite sayings is, “You wouldn’t worry about what other people think about you so much if you realized how little they actually did.” The truth is that most people are focused on themselves much more than on us. Too often in life, we take things personally that have nothing to do with us. This doesn’t mean we let people walk all over us or treat us in disrespectful or hurtful ways. (It can be important for us to speak up and push back at times in life.) However, when we stop taking things so personally, we liberate ourselves from needless worry, defensiveness, and conflict.

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3.) Look for the good:- Another way to say what I mentioned above about getting what we expect from other people, is that we almost always find what we look for. If you want to find some things about me that you don’t like, consider obnoxious or get on your nerves — just look for them, I’m sure you’ll come up with some. On the flip side, if you want to find some of my best qualities and things you appreciate about me, just look for those — they are there too. As Werner Erhard said, “In every human being there is both garbage and gold, it’s up to us to choose what we pay attention to.” Looking for the good in others (as well as in life and in ourselves), is one of the best ways to find things to appreciate and be grateful for and we remember that not everything is about us all the time.

4.) Seek first to understand:- Often when we’re frustrated, annoyed or in a conflict with another person (or group of people), we don’t feel seen, heard or understood. As challenging and painful as this can be, one of the best things we can do is to shift our attention from trying to get othe