”Don’t ever know who you may meet, or just because a person may not be dressed up all fancy, don’t mean they’re not an important person. You just don’t ever know who you’re gonna meet in life. So that’s why I look at everybody as equal. Can’t just judge. I treat everybody with respect. Every man.”
Floyd Mayweather, Jr.
When I think of people who made the biggest impact in my life, it was not their expertise or accomplishments that provided me with the direction, guidance, and reassurance I needed to accomplish my goals. It was their sincere belief in me. They let me know through their words and actions that I mattered.
The people in your life want that same validation. In fact, every single person you will ever meet shares this common desire. They want to know they matter.
Mattering a universal human need. First, you need to fully accept that you matter, and then its incumbent on you to pass this message along. Would the people in your life can answer, “yes” to the following questions:
- Do you see me?
- Do you hear me?
- Do you care about me?
- Do I matter to you?
Here are Some Important things to do now to ensure a “yes” every time you encounter or interact with someone significant or yet-to-be significant in your life.
Make the other person feel like an expert:-
Many people think making other people feel comfortable and entertained is about saying the right things, the real trick isn’t talking well, it’s listening well, and for that, you need to actually shut your mouth. “Realize that to make others feel important, you will share the spotlight, or sometimes, you’ll stand behind it,” To do that, “go into conversations with the mindset of ‘I’m going to hold the spotlight for other people tonight,’
Ask better questions:-
Callahan also stresses the need to not just ask questions, but to ask good questions. What constitutes a good question? “Ask people for their prediction of the future with an open-ended ‘How’ or ‘What’ question. The beauty of this question is, that you can ask it to anyone at any time and it’s always appropriate.” For example, he offers that on a date you could ask, “What do you think this exact place is going to look like 10 years from now?”
For more ideas on great questions to ask, you listen to podcast interviews and “watch clips of late night talk shows on YouTube. Steal the questions and use them for your next dinner party.”
Mind your body language:-
All of these tricks won’t work if your questions say, ‘I’m interested’ but your body says ‘I’m nervous and distracted,’ so mind a few body language basics as well. “Pointing your torso towards your listener is a nonverbal sign of respect. It communicates that you are fully engaged in the conversation,” Your eyes are also vastly important, “Eye contact is crucial for connecting with your fellow humans,” who offers this trick for ensuring you make enough but don’t cross into creepy territory: “Try to make enough eye contact that you could tell me the… eye color of your conversational partner… Do people look away consistently? Then ease off on eye contact.”
And last but not least, smile. “Certain behaviors — like smiling– trigger mirror neurons in our brain and our face automatically reflects what the eyes see. The other person can subconsciously pick up if you are truly interested,”
When you acknowledge someone, you recognize their value and importance. How about starting the day with a “Good Morning” email or Tweet? Or smiling at each and every co-workers as you pass by them by on way to the office? Or reaching out to a new acquaintance you see in a crowd or bump into in the Blogosphere? Go out of your way to acknowledge people. Make an effort to “see them”. Like the Na’vi in the movie Avatar, who greeted one another with the phrase “I see you” as a belief and acknowledgment there is something marvelous in everyone you meet.
At every moment of the day, we are either making the world a better place or making it worse. Our thoughts spread out and become contagious, either positively infecting others or unleashing a plague of negativity, doubt, and fear. We have the power to help lift someone up or to bring them down. How we interact with those we meet may be the catalyst that sets someone into an emotional tailspin or the spark that provides them with encouragement and HOPE for a better day… or maybe even a better life.
Tell the people in your life how you feel about them:-
If it doesn’t come naturally to you, all the more reason to do it more often. It will begin to feel natural soon. Of course, “You matter” is what everyone wants to hear, but other phrases work just as well: “I’m happy to see you. You mean so much to me. Your contribution to the team is immeasurable. I so appreciate you.” The language of mattering is universal; no translation necessary. Tell people and tell them often how much they matter!
Mattering is a choice. Give yourself that option every day. It doesn’t matter how you do it- it only matters that you do it. You can say it, write it, tweet it, or deliver the message in person. Make the choice every day to tell, offer, thank, encourage, inspire, and let others know you notice and believe in them. It could be and often will be the most powerful thing you do all day. Is mattering on your TODO list?
I’ll leave you with this final thought and challenge.
- Can you imagine what kind of world we can create by each of us knowing we matter, believing in ourselves and supporting one another?
- Can you imagine how actions you take today, could make a difference in some one’s life tomorrow? And that ripple would last for generations?
I can, and I know this simple, clear message of “YOU MATTER” has the power to change lives and change the world.