There are times, we are so stressed out that we go into a self-doubting mode.
We start thinking, if everything we do, the hard work, the management, the money we spend, the sacrifices we do. Are they really worth?
These kinds of thoughts come when we start treating life as an achievement. I would like to tell you life is not a trophy you could achieve in your twenties and thirties and keep it in your house for rest of your generations to see.
Do not think does anything in life matters.
Whether it does or does not. If you do it. You gain XP levels like in a game which no one can take it from you.
Life is a journey. It flows with time. There are good times and bad times. None of them stay forever.
Whenever such thoughts come, just give them some time. They will go. Move on. Keep working towards being a better person each day.
”Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy.”
So, while confidence is essential, it’s important to stay humble as well (the two aren’t as contradictory as you might think). Remember the tale of the Emperor’s New Clothes: It’s okay to be wrong about something and, more importantly, it’s okay to admit that to others. This shows that you not only value your opinion and decisions, but that you also value the opinions and decisions of those around you.
People respond well to humility because it shows that you place yourself at the same level as them, and not above them. Plus, it has other benefits too. Psyblog has an eye-opening list of these benefits that can occur in your personal and professional life. Here are just a few:
Soothe the Soul: Humble people are better able to cope with anxiety about their mortality. Instead of erecting self-defenses against death, humble people tend to find it provides a useful perspective on life and how it should be lived. When it’s not all about you, it makes death easier to contemplate.
Higher Self-Control: Having high self-control is one key to a successful life. Oddly, perhaps, studies have found that an obsession with the self can paradoxically lead to lower self-control. The humble, though, because they place less importance on the self, exhibit higher self-control in many situations. Perhaps this is partly due to the fact that humble people tend to know their limits.
More Helpful: Humble people are, on average, more helpful than people who are conceited or egotistical. In a study by LaBouff et al. (2011), participants who were more humble, were more likely to offer help, and offered more of their time, to those in need. Unsurprisingly, humble people have also been found to be more generous.
Detach yourself: If you can physically move away from the situation or the place that will be the best, but you can also mentally detach yourself from what’s going on.
Reach out: No matter how much of a self-dependent person you are, at the end of the day you should always have a group of friends and family you can go back to with your problems. You will be surprised how therapeutic just talking it out feels.
Cry if you want to: Irrespective of your sex, if you want to cry, just let it out. Crying helps to release that bottled-up feeling and clears the mind as well.The full post lists even more benefits, and is worth a look.
That last one, “More Helpful,” can be especially useful to you. To get where we want to go, we often need help—and what better way to get that help than from those we’ve helped already? In addition, studies show that being humble generally leads to better work performance. So even if you’re a little overconfident on the inside, practicing humility can actually get you ahead.
Kill Them With Kindness
Everyone knows the Golden Rule, but not everyone takes it to heart. Kindness often gets overlooked as a sign of weakness, and to an extent, it can be—there is such a thing as being too nice. But a little kindness can still go a long way.
For starters, being kind is good for you. As in, it’s actually healthy for you in the biological sense. A recent study found that there may be some connection with positive thoughts of kindness and social contact with the body’s vagus nerve:
The vagus regulates how efficiently heart rate changes with breathing and, in general, the greater its tone, the higher the heart-rate variability and the lower the risk for cardiovascular disease and other major killers. It may also play a role in regulating glucose levels and immune responses (…) the vagus is intimately tied to how we connect with one another—it links directly to nerves that tune our ears to human speech, coordinate eye contact and regulate emotional expressions.
Being kind can also make you happier. It feels good to be nice and help others and it can physically make you feel happier. There is a chemical reason for that:
When a person performs an act of kindness the brain produces dopamine, associated with positive thinking. Secondly, the brain has its own natural versions of morphine and heroine: endogenous opioids, such as endorphins. It is believed that when a person does an act of kindness they feel good on a chemical level thanks to the production of these endogenous opioids.
Not only that, but if you exhibit kindness, others will like you more (shocker!). According to giving is the secret to getting ahead. Grant credits his success to being kind and helping others when they need it. So being nice doesn’t just help others—it can help you, too.
Please Remain Calm
My dad said, ‘Stay humble, and you gotta work harder than everybody else.’ My mom said, ‘Always be yourself.’ She always told me only God can judge me. Nate Robinson
Remaining calm in tough situations is a bigger challenge, but equally as important. Stress, deadlines, and surprises can get to us mentally and emotionally. Even the strongest of people can succumb to the almighty power of unpredictability. Figuring out how to stay calm will, for obvious reasons, make your life a lot more enjoyable.
Stress is a killer, we know this. It’s been linked to heart problems, depression, and even PTSD. So how do we manage it? Pick the Brain has some great tips that can make the toughest situations far more manageable. For example:
Staying calm will make you more likeable and make others think that you are more in control than you actually are. You can’t control everything that happens to you, but you can control how you handle situations in a way that will have people gravitate toward you.
It might seem obvious that humility, kindness, and calmness are positive traits. But in case you ever needed more of a reason to exhibit these things, they don’t just help others—they help you and make your life easier.
So extend your hand in kindness and offer help to those who need it. They just might extend their hand back to help you get where you want to go. Admit you’re wrong when you are and find a way to believe that other people might be better than you at something. They just might offer you advice or teach you how to get better at a particular skill. And, no matter what happens, always try and remain calm and keep from going off the deep end. Everyone you’ve ever met is trying to do the exact same thing you are. Life is a lot easier when you accept that you aren’t the only one living it.
It is pretty shocking that most of us miss about half of our lives. That’s right. If you are 42 years old, for instance, chances are you have missed about 21 years of your life already. Your body has been alive but your mind has been disconnected. Your mind has been thinking about the past (e.g., what you did wrong, what he did wrong, things you are sorry for, things you are mad about) or your mind has been thinking about the future (worrying about what might happen, planning all of the things that you may or may not do, making your grocery list). What’s more, when you aren’t living in the present you are more likely to be anxious and depressed.
If that wasn’t enough, when you aren’t engaged in the present you tend to miss a lot of things. You might not even notice what are you putting into your mouth, how full are you getting, how much money are you spending, where you are going, or what are you saying that you might have to apologize for later. One of the most profound statements I’ve ever heard was from a woman in my mindful eating class who came in and said “I don’t like anything I eat, I just hadn’t noticed before.
Our ability to be fully present in this moment without judgment and with kindness and compassion is a prerequisite for behaving in ways that will bring us peace and happiness and help us change behaviors that we want to change. Mindfulness helps us understand ourselves, others, and the world around us so that we aren’t caught up in habitual, mindless behaviors.
As you practice mindfulness over time, there is an increased sensitivity to the world around. You see your part in the whole of everyone else who is trying to be happy and content. You sense the impact you have on the world around you in more and more subtle ways. This consciousness can be a little disturbing at times because there is a weight of responsibility that can feel a little heavy. But don’t fall into the trap of feeling like you need to save the world, become overwhelmed and then do nothing.
Instead, here are some somewhat random tips for becoming a more mindful, conscious human being. This is definitely not an all-inclusive list. But, these are things I’m working on so I thought you might want to try them too. Use them for a week and see if you don’t feel a little more compassionate and connected to yourself and others.
Spend 10-20 minutes a day meditating. There are tons of meditation apps like Insight Timer that can help you get started. This will help you be present for the rest of the day.
Know what you’re putting in your mouth. Ask yourself the questions: What am I eating? Where did it come from? Why am I eating it? Is this food that my body wants and needs?
Drive slower. Not only will you feel more relaxed when you drive slower, but you will get less impatient with others. In addition, think of the gas you’ll save. Notice your surroundings and enjoy the view.
Listen better. How much of the time do you truly listen to another person without thinking about what you’re going to say or asking questions? Just listen until you know the other person has finished talking.
Speak with words that are kind and true. Even in the difficult conversations, you can choose to be kind and say what is “true” from your experience without blaming and condemning another. Mindful communication is difficult. This is a good place to start.
Watch what you’re spending. It is so easy to get caught up in the consumer culture. The next time you are ready to pull out the credit card, stop and ask yourself if this is something you really want and need. You can even wait a couple of days to see if you still want the item.
Living consciously takes constant attention and mindfulness will help you make more conscious choices. Instead of living on automatic, try paying attention with kindness and compassion to the daily choices you make in what you do, say, and hear. It’s not easy to break out of routines and habits, but it is worth the effort.
Today I choose life. Every morning when I wake up I can choose joy, happiness, negativity, pain… To feel the freedom that comes from being able to continue to make mistakes and choices – today I choose to feel life, not to deny my humanity but embrace it. Kevyn Aucoin
Negativity affects ourselves and everyone around us. It limits our potential to become something great and live a fulfilling, purposeful life. Negativity has a tangible effect on our health, too. Research has shown that people who cultivate negative energy experience more stress, more sickness, and less opportunity over the course of their lives than those who choose to live positively.
When we make a decision to become positive and follow that decision up with action, we will begin to encounter situations and people that are also positive. The negative energy gets edged out by all positive experiences. It’s a snowball effect. Although negative and positive thoughts will always exist, the key to becoming positive is to limit the amount of negativity that we experience by filling ourselves up with more positivity.
Here are some ways to get rid of negativity and become more positive.
Become grateful–for everything
My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style. Maya Angelou
When life is all about us, it’s easy to believe that we deserve what we have. An attitude of entitlement puts us at the center of the universe and sets up the unrealistic expectation that others should cater to us, our needs, and our wants. This vain state of existence is a surefire way to set yourself up for an unfulfilled life of negativity. People living in this sort of entitlement are “energy suckers”–they are always searching for what they can get out of a situation.
People that don’t appreciate the nuances of their lives live in a constant state of lacking. And it’s really difficult to live a positive life this way.
When we begin to be grateful and appreciate everything in our lives–from the small struggles that make us better to the car that gets us from A to B every day–we shift our attitude from one of selfishness, to one of appreciation. This appreciation gets noticed by others, and a positive harmony begins to form in our relationships. We begin to receive more of that which we are grateful for because we’ve opened ourselves up to the idea of receiving, instead of taking. This will make your life more fulfilling, and more positive.
Laugh more–especially at yourself
The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched – they must be felt with the heart. Helen Keller
Life gets busy, our schedules fill up, we get into relationships, and work can feel task oriented and routine-driven at times. Being human can feel more like being a robot. But having this work-driven, a serious attitude often results in negative and performance oriented thinking. Becoming positive means taking life less seriously and letting yourself off the hook. This is the only life that you get to live–why not lighten up your mood?
Laughter helps us become positive by lightening our mood and reminding us not to take life so seriously. Are you sensitive to light sarcasm? Do you have trouble laughing at jokes? Usually, people who are stressed out and overly serious get most offended by sarcasm because their life is all work and no play. If we can learn to laugh at ourselves and our mistakes, life will become more of an experiment in finding out what makes us happy. And finding happiness means finding positivity.
I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination. Jimmy Dean
Negativity goes hand in hand with selfishness. People that live only for themselves have no higher purpose in their lives. If the whole point of this world is only to take care of yourself and no one else, the road to a long-term fulfillment and purpose is going to be a long one.
Positivity accompanies purpose.
The most basic way to create purpose and positivity in your life is to begin doing things for others. Start small; open the door for the person in front of you at Starbucks or ask someone how their day was before telling them about yours. Helping others will give you an intangible sense of value that will translate into positivity. And people might just appreciate you in the process.
Change your thinking
Start by doing what’s necessary; then do what’s possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible. Francis of Assisi
We can either be our best coach or our best enemy. Change starts from within. If you want to become more positive, change the wording of your thoughts. We are the hardest on ourselves, and a stream of negative self-talk is corrosive to a positive life.
The next time you have a negative thought, write it down and rephrase it with a positive spin. For example, change a thought like, “I can’t believe I did so horribly on the test–I suck.” to “I didn’t do as well as I hoped to on this test. But I know I’m capable and I’ll do better next time.”
Changing our self-talk is powerful.
Surround yourself with positive people
Perfection is not attainable, but if we chase perfection we can catch excellence. Vince Lombardi
We become most like the people that we surround ourselves with. If our friend group is full of negative energy-suckers and drama queens, we will emulate that behavior and become like them. It is very difficult to become more positive when the people around us don’t support or demonstrate positive behavior.
As you become more positive, you’ll find that your existing friends will either appreciate the new you or they will become resistant to your positive changes. This is a natural response; change is scary. But cutting out the negative people in your life is a huge step to becoming more positive. Positive people reflect and bounce their perspectives onto one another. Positivity is a step-by-step process when you do it solo, but a positive group of friends can be an escalator.
Get into action
Nothing is impossible, the word itself says ‘I’m possible’! Audrey Hepburn
Negative thoughts can be overwhelming and challenging to navigate. Negativity is usually accompanied by a “freak-out” response, especially when tied to relationships, people and to worry about the future. This is debilitating to becoming positive and usually snowballs into more worry, more stress, and more freak-outs.
Turn the negative stress into positive action. The next time you’re in one of these situations, walk away and take a break. With your eyes closed, take a few deep breaths. Once you’re calm, approach the situation or problem with a pen and pad of paper. Write out four or five actions or solutions to begin solving the problem. Taking yourself out of the emotionally charged negative by moving into the action-oriented positive will help you solve more problems rationally and live in positivity.
Take full responsibility; stop being the victim
If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door. Milton Berle
You are responsible for your thoughts. People that consistently believe that things happen to them handicap themselves to a victim mentality. This is a subtle and deceptive negative thought pattern. Phrases like “I have to work” or “I can’t believe he did that to me” are indicators of a victim mentality. Blaming circumstances and blaming others only handicaps our decision to change something negative into something positive.
Taking full responsibility for your life, your thoughts and your actions are one of the biggest steps in creating a more positive life. We have unlimited potential within to create our own reality, change our life, and change our thoughts. When we begin to really internalize this, we discover that no one can make us feel or do anything. We choose our emotional and behavioral response to people and circumstances.
Make positive choices in favor of yourself.
Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habit.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny
― Lao Tzu
”Gandhi, the man who inspired human rights movements worldwide all by dramatically living the simple nonviolent life he preached, once said: “you must be the change you want to see in this world”. We now see this quote everywhere; at churches, yoga centers, political rallies, on workshop flyers, and bumper stickers. But what does “be the change” mean? To be the change means to want, choose and commit your actions to do the right thing.”
In order to do something, you have to want it. If you want something, you’ll endure all the struggles and pain that come with it. You are determined to reach your goal. A change can only happen if you want to see it happen, and the only a change could happen is if you put your effort into it. The quote “if it’s to be, it’s up to me”, explains to us that too many people think that others such as leaders are supposed to be the change. It’s obvious that nothing is going to happen without you. You can choose to make a change or not. To take action or just sit there. But you know, at the end of the day, the choice was and is yours.
“You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty.”
Secondly, choosing is a decision. There are hundreds of students in the school that we don’t know. And maybe one of them is sick of everything. They can’t put up with life anymore. They don’t see the happiness. They don’t feel the love. But you could change that. If you see someone sitting alone at lunch, why not invite them to sit at your table? Everyone is talking about it, reading about it, thinking about it, but they are not doing it. They don’t understand that their actions will only happen by their choice. Gandhi said, “whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it”. This quote encourages me to do the right thing no matter what. To me, this means that I won’t always get an award for every good deed I do, but I should do it just because it is the right thing to do. Our decisions need to be made there and then, and we have to commit our actions to create a change we want to see.
Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future.
Next, committing is like a contract with yourself- to do whatever it takes to reach your goal. A commitment is the action step, the push to get you through the difficult times. No matter what you decide to do, you have to commit yourself to it. Even if it is inviting someone else to sit with you at lunch. When you see a person sitting alone at lunch, you want to make their experience at lunch positive. Therefore, you choose to invite them to sit with you at lunch. But then all these thoughts come rushing into your head, and when you look around yourself, everyone seems to be glaring at you in a weird and awkward way. Just for a stupid reason like that, you decide not to invite the student to sit with you. That is why you need commitment. So you could tell yourself “this is what I want to see happen”. You will need to put all your effort and thought into making it happen, but you can do it. If you want it bad enough, you will not allow anyone to get in your way. That is what commitment means; to give all your effort and thought into making a change you want to see happen, take place.
“Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.”
Lastly, “to be the change you want to see in the world” means to notice what is happening around is us and to take powerful, solid steps towards constructing the life and world of our imaginations. Seeing the change you want to happen will take much of your effort of wanting, choosing, and committing your actions to stand for what is right.
Be That Change This Year And Wish You All A Happy New Year:)
Let’s admit it – ‘Life isn’t and can’t be a bed of roses’. Ups and downs, highs and lows are part of everyone’s life and honestly, these extreme conditions are the elements that make us strong and give us a push to move on in life. Often there are circumstances when things do not work in our favor and the rough phase continues for a bit too long than any of us would expect.
But does that mean we should give up and accept defeat, without even trying again? Certainly not! I feel it’s rather wise to have faith in our karma that there might be a second chance waiting and coming our way to give us an opportunity to start afresh and make things happen for us.
Yes, for those who always thought that life NEVER gives second chances, it’s time to look beyond what your eyes can see and your mind can think, and let there be hope. There’s always a scope for a second chance, only if you TRUST – God and your own self.
A second chance may not be a surety every time that you can go back, rectify your mistakes and get whatever you wanted, but it certainly brings an assurance that you can put in your best efforts, which were lacking the first time you tried and failed. And feel extremely lucky if life gives you a Second Chance for not everyone is God’s favorite child to get blessed with such opportunities in life.
So instead of sulking and feeling gloomy and let desolation creep in because of your failure, let there be a ray of hope – a hope to get that hard-to-get second chance, which may transform your life in a way that you always wanted and waited for. A second chance that can give a new meaning to your existence and help you regain the lost confidence that is affecting your happiness. A second chance that would determine how serious you are about things that matter in your life! A second chance that’ll help you take a decision whether you still can fight against all odds and make things sail smooth.
It’s all about believing that ‘this is not the end of the road’. Life will always give you a Second Chance, only if you TRUST.
However, some of you may wonder that if there’s always a second chance that waits for everyone, then why one should worry in the first place. But do remember, God helps those who help themselves. A second chance isn’t really a boon for those who are comfortable with their discomforts and can lead a miserable life with all sorts of regrets. Second chance would embrace only those select few who have the urge to rise from the ashes and make their way whatsoever.
Ever thought, why despite a fatal accident, some lucky ones still manage to survive and get their life back? Only because they didn’t lose hope and always had the trust that life would give them a Second Chance – to LIVE.
Look around, analyze situations and ask yourself – Hasn’t life been kind to you ever? Has life always given you miseries and then not giving you a chance to correct your mistakes? Can’t be the case! It’s might be the case that you haven’t been attentive enough to notice and grab that second chance that came your way at some point. So it’s your mistake and you are at fault. If you have become used to living with regrets and don’t want to take or give second chances, then it’s not fair to blame life either.
Always remember, God has designed your life as beautifully as you would have thought of, so don’t waste time thinking that ‘THIS IS THE END’. Life isn’t all about trying, failing and then regretting forever. Let there be hope for a second chance, and once you get that, make the most of it and it will work wonders for you – only if you TRUST.
* Accepting Life as it Is Without Sorrow or Emotional Reaction:-
Common definitions of compassion read like the following: a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken with misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering. These definitions create the idea that compassion requires us to join another in their misery. Does this really help anyone? We may need a definition of compassion that is more powerful. For true compassion, we will have to expand our understanding so we don’t mistakenly create more sorrow from suffering.
Let us consider a definition which does not require us to suffer. What if compassion is simply the active expression of acceptance for the world and people just as they are? It entails a state of mind where there is no judgment about a situation or a person. True compassion is being able to look at the whole world without expectations that it should be any different. We can still hold a vision of possibility for the world, but we don’t use it as a standard of comparison for rejecting where the world is right now. In this way, we can avoid the personal emotional reactions that create sadness, sorrow or pity.
In Buddhist practices sadness, sorrow, and pity are referred to as the near enemies of compassion. Being compassionate involves understanding the suffering of another without feeling sorrow or pity. When there are these emotions, compassion has turned into personal unhappiness and only adds to suffering. Feeling the emotional pain of another doesn’t relieve their suffering. In actuality, it adds to the collective field of unconsciousness creating suffering.
If someone is suffering from hunger then it is more appropriate to provide nourishing food. If they are thirsty, provide them something to drink. If someone is in emotional pain bring your love and unconditional acceptance. It would not help people for the caretakers to go hungry and thirsty also. Although this is often the approach people take with their empathy or sympathy when people are without love and acceptance. When caretakers have an emotional reaction of sadness or sorrow they nourish no one. A compassionate person brings the nourishment of love and acceptance to the situation that is starving for those emotions until someone can feed themselves.
Sometimes the best action you can take to help relieve the emotional suffering of another is being present with your attention on the person and say nothing. Oddly enough modern physics tell us that our attention transforms the experience. Although slow, other options are driven by impatience and reaction usually create more chaos. Trying to change someone’s emotion is often driven out of judgment for that and sends a message of rejection.In my own personal process, I did more harm than good when I tried to help. The desire to alleviate suffering is real, but the in which this is actually done is not apparent, nor is it usually our first reaction.
During the first couple years of intense personal growth, I gained clarity on how people created suffering through the beliefs in their mind. I could see the habitual roles they were playing and the emotional reactions they were creating for themselves. The bad news was that I didn’t have much self-awareness in what to do and what not to do.
During that time I was eager to point out what people were doing and what they could do to change it. I was not aware that I was serving my conceptual idea of what should be, instead of serving them. By my suggestions of what they should do I was sending the message, “You should change.” Which is usually interpreted as, “I don’t accept you the way you are.” I was unaware that in trying to help, I was saying, “I reject you the way you are.” I was unaware that I was stirring up more emotions related to lack of acceptance.
Quietly sitting and listening to someone sends a powerful message of acceptance to them. They may feel that the whole world is wrong, but if one person accepts them unconditionally they may begin to feel more accepting of themselves. This is the seed of change that brings a new perspective.
Our Heroic Need to Help and Fix a Situation Can Be Motivated by Selfishness:-
While the desire to make someone feel better is a natural human desire, it can be distorted in our mind. If we react to another person’s situation with sadness, frustration, or anger we will desire to stop feeling these unpleasant emotions. Our mind holds an outside situation as responsible for our sorrow or pity. Unaware of how we are creating our own reactions, our desire to make ourselves feel better drives us to change others. We are overlooking the role of our beliefs, assumptions, and interpretations in creating our own emotions. In trying to change another we have lost our respect and acceptance of another for where they are.
An example of this was a woman who was intent on saving the world from suffering. She saw people being unhappy and was sad for them and frustrated for their circumstances. She saw people drowning in a sea of emotional suffering and her emotional reactions motivated her to dive in to save them. I asked her if she could lift herself into a boat of happiness with the world the way it is. “No,” she replied. She was an unhappy person that wanted to guide the world to be happy, but couldn’t get herself in the boat.
I pointed out that if we followed her logic we would all end up drowning together. If I saw her suffering and unhappy then I would feel sad for her. Now there would be two unhappy people. If two people saw us and took the same approach then there would be four people suffering from our frustration and sadness. Four more people could feel saddened and frustrated by our plight and then there would be eight more in the water. If we keep going in this direction the whole world would end up feeling sorrow and pity because one person was unhappy. She began to see that her logic of outrage, sorrow, and pity helped no one.
Helping someone from drowning in emotional suffering has to be done from within the boat of compassion, acceptance, and love. Diving into sorrow and pity your self will not help anyone and only adds to the number of the waters. Some resist this approach and call it selfish to put your happiness first. I disagree. Having emotional reactions and feeling offended when the world is not living according to our personal beliefs is the act of selfishness. I see expressing love for yourself and for others is the most generous thing you can do.
Seeing Suffering in the World and Not Feel Sadness:-
For most people to look at the suffering in the world and not feel some sadness involves disassociating from their emotions. Taking on an attitude of “It doesn’t bother me,” is usually a mask of emotional denial. This is often the case if a person is not aware of their emotions or their compensating strategies. Developing true compassion may take more practice than simple denial.
The motivation for this kind of practice is usually driven by a desire to be happy. To be present with our emotions and not feel sad about the suffering of someone we love is not something we are conditioned to do in our society. In this society, it goes against the importance of being right and feeling justified. To be compassionate you must give up your personal beliefs about being right. By letting go of your own personal agenda and embracing humility it is possible to be aware of the suffering of the world without interpreting it as injustice and feeling sorrow or pity.
The Great Barrier to Compassion:-
The great barrier to seeing the world with compassion is our personal beliefs about how the world should be. When we are attached to those beliefs we have two pictures in our mind at the same time. The judge part of our mind automatically makes a comparison and we end up rejecting the present reality. Our desire and attachment to our imagined world are what traps us in reactions. When we let go of our imagined perfect world our inner judge has no grounds for rejecting the real one.
Some might argue that we should hold the vision of a better person or better world and keep it in our consciousness or strive towards it. This is a noble and valuable idea, but often the execution is distorted with an attachment to time. We expect our vision of the world to have already manifested and react with frustration or disappointment because it hasn’t. By having these reactions we fall out of the boat and into our emotional suffering.
We cannot help the world out of suffering if we cannot help ourselves. It is difficult to lift someone emotionally higher than where we are standing. This does not mean that you should do nothing People are starving and people are in pain in the world and much can be done to help. Recognize and be aware of the part you have to do for your self. You can do work on creating peace within yourself as you work on creating peace outside yourself.
Action Steps for Transcending Emotional Suffering:-
A specific action that will help you to be more accepting is to find and dissolve your core beliefs about how people should be. What conceptual idea is in your mind about how the world should be and when should it be that way? These artificial standards in the mind become the basis for judgment and emotional reactions. The second step is to become of aware of the emotions that these beliefs create. Becoming aware of the emotional pain born out of these beliefs will motivate you to suspend your belief in these artificial standards. In this process, it may seem sensible to let go of our expectations for ourselves first. This is actually one of the hardest places to start. You may find it more productive if you begin with an inventory of expectations of other people.
This process can be humbling. When I challenged my own beliefs and break the cycle of my emotional reactions I realized how difficult it was to identify and change beliefs. Realizing the challenge helped me be more accepting of other people trapped in their own beliefs. I no longer expected them to change their emotional state simply with my suggestions. I knew that they would have to change their point of view and beliefs before their emotions could change. Sometimes the process can be quick; perhaps a wise teacher can help with a change of perspective. Other times what is called for is being present and unconditionally accepting for life as it is. As my awareness grew I became more accepting of all the different dimensions of life. I also became more humble as I let go of my personal agenda of how the world or people should be.
There is no difference between compassion and forgiveness. Both share an attitude of unconditional acceptance for a situation or person as they are without judgment or expectation of something else. When you forgive people you let go of your attachment to your expectations and wishes for something different. This is the same as actively accepting life as it is. When you forgive people and the world for whatever they will do in the future you will be accepting of them however they are. This act makes it possible to live without judgment and the resulting emotional reactions. In this way compassion for the world is the same as a complete act of forgiveness. This is the pathway to a happy and compassionate life.