How I Finally Moved On From My “Non-Relationship”

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”I searched for years I found no love. I’m sure that love will never be a product of plasticity.”

Ending a relationship can be incredibly difficult no matter how toxic it is. Part of this is for simple biological reasons, as some scientific studies have shown that being in love activates the same areas of the brain as being high on cocaine.

Brain scans of lovers and people experiencing cocaine addiction both displays increased activity in the pleasure centers of the brain (most notably the dopamine centers) and decreased activity in the frontal lobe, which is the area responsible for cognition. This means that while falling in love can make us feel good, it can also profoundly affect our judgment.

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It is for this reason that love can sometimes be compared to an addiction. In love, much like an addiction, there may be negative side effects such as abuse or gaslighting. But despite all of those bad circumstances, it can still be difficult to kick the romantic attraction and feelings of love.

If you find yourself feeling trapped in a relationship you know is not healthy, consider these tips for letting go of it for good:

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1. Trust In Your Emotions: If you are feeling, more times than not, insecure and ill at ease about your relationship, you need to pay attention to this perception. You are not overly sensitive, insecure, needy, and irrational all of the time. People tend to tell themselves these things so as to push their negative emotions away and avoid confronting the possibility that a relationship may not be sustainable. Instead of criticizing yourself for your feelings, take them seriously and try to directly talk with your partner. If your partner habitually dismisses you, rejects you or turns the tables by blaming you for your feelings, this is an indicator that this relationship may simply not be workable. Manipulation through guilting you, telling you are overly sensitive, needy and turning the tables are key signs of a toxic union.

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2. Trust In Reliability: The basis of healthy love and friendship is believing people are going to do what they say they are going to do. It means something if your partner often leaves you hanging, shows up late or doesn’t show up at all. We all have off days or events come up that are out of our control, but most of the time your partner should be reliable. If you live with anxiety about what’s going to happen next or whether he/she is going to let you down, there is a major issue in your relationship. If you live off small crusts and crumbs of pleasure with your partner, then consider that this relationship may not have enough sustenance to keep you happy and healthy.

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3. Trust In Intuition: Have you ever had a hunch about someone but then talked yourself out of it, only to later have your original hunch confirmed? So often when partnering up we want so badly to believe in a person or in love that we dismiss our intuition. We know something is off or not quite right about our new partner but choose to ignore or push away these insights in favor of getting swept up in romantic love. Sometimes people push their intuition away for years or even marry, only to eventually have it all come crashing down when they can no longer ignore what they have always known to be true. When you have a hunch that something is off with your partner, talk with him or her about it, but when you continue to have the same sense that something’s not quite right, don’t push your instincts away. Your intuition is telling you that this particular person may be a lemon and that it is time to discard.

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4. Trust In Your Experiences: It means something important when most of the time you’re around your partner you feel ill at ease, uncomfortable or worried about tripping a switch to a fight. For things to be going well in your relationship, most of the time you should feel safe, at ease and comfortable with your partner and with bringing him/her around your friends and family. Remember when things start off poorly, they are unlikely to improve with time and hard work.

 

5. Trust Insecurity: Take full notice that you have a major issue if you feel insecure most of the time about how your romantic love feels about you or about what their level of commitment is to you. It’s not your fault when this insecurity wells up. Talk with your love about your feelings, your worries, your concerns and see if you feel better after this talk. You may have things you need to work on as an individual, but you should be able to talk with your partner about these things. Once your partner knows what the buttons are that make you insecure, he/she should not continue to push them. You should feel safe and secure with your love, not worried about if you are going to feel insecure in their presence.

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”The Year We Fell Apart And That’s Okay”

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“Look for something positive each day, even if some days you have to look a little harder.” 

Not because I don’t think it will be (because, okay, it will be). But because that’s not helpful to you where you’re standing right now. That’s a thing we say to each other when we can’t find any other words.

It will be fine. It will be okay. Everything will work out.

These are all real and true statements that apply to you, no matter where you stand. I have enough trust and faith for the both of us that everything you and I are walking through at this moment, we’re both going to come out the other side wiser and happier than we ever thought possible.

But the truth is, those words don’t help. Instead, they usually cut us on a level we didn’t know pleasant words of comfort had the ability to cut.

Because even if it’s true that it will be okay… it’s not okay right now, and sometimes that’s all we can see and feel and hear. Sometimes that’s all we can register inside our weary bodies.

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It’s not okay that someone you loved is no longer living and breathing and giving their gifts and presence to this world. It’s not okay that everything is falling apart around you, that your world is imploding more and more every moment of every day. It’s not okay that the bank accounts are at zero, or possibly into the negative, with no sign of relief. It’s not okay that someone was nasty or cruel to you in ways that shattered your heart. It’s not okay that you’re exhausted to the point you can’t make it through a single day without curling into a sobbing ball on your kitchen floor. It’s not okay that you’re swimming in failure or shame or a grief like you’ve never known.

Whatever it is for you… it’s not okay right now.

So we tell each other it will be okay… because we don’t know what else to say, and we don’t know how to climb into the sh*t with someone and just hold their hand while they cry or scream or rage it out.

I’m not going to tell you it’s going to be okay:-That everything is going to work out.
I’m not going to tell you it will be fine or to buck up.
That you’ve got this and you’ll see it soon.

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Instead, I’m going to tell you that I see your pain:- I understand how much it sucks right now. How your heart is heavy and your spirit is weary. How it’s taking everything you have just to get through the day. I see you. I feel you. I love you. I know… I get it, I really do. And I also know exactly how much willpower it takes to not punch someone in the face for telling you it will be okay. Especially when it feels like “being okay” is completely out of reach, no matter how hard you fight to find your footing and dig your way out of the darkness that’s nearly consuming you. I see your pain and I’m holding you in my heart with all the love I have to give. Because it’s okay that everything is not okay right now.

I’m going to tell you that you’re stronger than you know:-Because you are, my friend. You are powerful beyond measure whether you know it or not. You have a purpose and a contribution to this world that only you can make. I know it doesn’t feel like it when all you can do is find a way to get yourself out of bed each morning when the hours begin to weigh on your chest like a ton of bricks and breathing becomes more difficult the longer you’re forced to be awake and upright. But you’re doing it, love. It may not be at a rate or pace that you want, but you’re doing it. Just by getting out of bed and finding a way through the next moment that smacks you in the face. And you’re stronger than you give yourself credit for.

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I’m going to tell you that trust and faith go a long way:-I’ve never tried to pretend that trust and faith are easy. They’re not. Not even a little bit. But they are all we have when nothing is okay and everything is falling apart. They are all we have to make it through to what’s next. I say this from a place of walking through some seriously dark life chapters.

Chapters filled with depression that nearly killed me by my own hand, with being so broke that I owed the bank money and was being threatened with losing my house. Chapters that ripped someone from my life in the most abrupt and tragic way, and that have torn everything known and stable and secure from my hands. Somewhere along the lines, I found trust and faith, and I’ve never let go, regardless of the chaos around me. Trust and faith. It’s all we have, and they go a very long way when everything feels impossible.

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I’m going to tell you that you’re not alone:-Even though I know it feels that way like you’re the only person in the history of the world who has experienced this much loss and pain and struggle. Even the happiest and successful people have been through some sh*t, or are probably walking through their own storms right now.

You’re not alone. You do not have to do this alone. If ever there was a thing that lifted me out of the depths of grief, it was being reminded that I wasn’t alone. That I didn’t have to do this alone. You, my friend, are not alone.

I’m going to tell you that I love you:-Because I do. Because you’re here and you’re having a bad day. Because you’re human and that makes you beautiful and messy and all things lovable.

”Sometimes We Screw Things Up When Life Is Good”

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”Maybe it’s a little depressing to think that my vision of a perfect world is actually so messed up, but I think it means that I don’t really understand what ‘perfect’ is.”

Feeling like a total mess-up in life? Become kinder to yourself by relaxing your rigid pass/fail mindset.

Today, I want to talk to you about what you should do when you feel like you are an utter, utter screw-up in life and steps you can take to help make yourself feel a bit better, that you don’t feel like as much of a mess-up and you get a bit more realistic about yourself.

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That got your attention, didn’t it?

And what is the number one way that people screw up life? By taking it for granted. Assuming there will be time to fix things, find the right person, make the changes you should and be happy… later.

Think about the last time you lost someone close to you. It could be that they passed away, maybe it was a friendship that suddenly went south, or possibly a relationship that ended abruptly.

If you’d have known that it was the last hug, kiss or conversation, would you have made more of an effort? Would you have listened deeply, while appreciating the sound of their voice? Would you have given them a real kiss, not just the hurried, routine version? Would you have said “I love you” with every fiber of your being?

We never know when our last moments, kisses and conversations with the ones we love are going to be. Yet we choose to ignore this truth and take the people and things in our lives for granted.

We put them off, prioritize other things that aren’t actually more important… and we certainly don’t show up in each moment with those people and things (jobs, experiences, life) with the attention, present-minded focus and care that we should.

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We’re All Human: –And that means that this is a natural state of being. We fear death, goodbyes, and loss… so we don’t keep that a top of our mind. We assume that it will be down the road, we’ll deal with it then. We’ll get better and more focused later. It’s okay to put these things off for just a bit longer because there’s always the weekend. Except that sometimes there’s not.

Sometimes tomorrow really never comes and life really does change in an instant.

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Live With a Sense of Urgency:- Choose to be more than “just human” and live with a heightened sense of urgency. Not in the sense that “there aren’t enough hours in the day” or that you have way too many things on your to-do list. You probably do, but that’s not my point…

My point is that there’s value in living your life constantly aware of and accepting the fact that one day, it will end. Whether that’s a breakup, loss of life or time running out… all things must come to an end. Don’t allow yourself to be one of those people that kicks themselves for having wasting precious moments. Rise above the human condition…

Do better. Love deeper. Experience more. Be present.

Say I love you like you really, truly mean it.

We throw around “I love you” in relationships like we say hello and goodbye. We just do it because we should. Sure, we love them… but do we take that pause before speaking to really feel and express it? No. We just pop the words out with a standard kiss on the way out the door.

We aren’t present in those moments. We don’t give them the love they deserve. We don’t give ourselves the love that we deserve. And this goes for more interactions than just the “I love you’s” that you’re throwing around mindlessly.

Do better. Love deeper.

Make real memories with the ones you love.

Life is busy and sometimes it’s hard to make time for the important things. The anniversaries, the birthdays… the seemingly unimportant moments of moving into a new home together or that first big promotion at work. We say that we’ll celebrate later or assume that it’s not a priority. But what will you have when you look back at your time here? A lot of missed opportunities to experience life to its fullest?

Make life a celebration. We’re only here once, that we’ll know of, so live it like you mean it! Live it fully. Show up to each moment, truly experience it and create real memories.

Don’t just go to the park, have a picnic. Make it a full day, take pictures and be present for it. Work and expectations will be there when you get back either way, better to leave them behind and really show up in the moments that count.

Never, ever settle for less than you want or deserve.

Even if you get to live a long one, life is short. Time flies. Everyone says it and you know it’s true. Why waste it with people, jobs or things that are less than you deserve? Less than you want?

If you want a love that is deep, passionate and life-altering, then don’t spend another minute with someone that you don’t connect with deeply. If you want a job that allows you to do great things, leave your mark and feel fulfilled at the end of each day, don’t settle for any old job that will cover the bills.

Don’t stay with people or in a job because you feel like it’s the best you’ll get… or that “it’ll do.” You can do better if you feel like “it’ll do.” You can have extraordinary, passionate, deep, mind-blowing, colorful, lively, exciting, romantic and so much more. You just have to stop settling.

If you feel the slightest twinge of “meh” or “that’ll do,” run in the opposite direction. You can waste years of your life at the wrong job, with the wrong person or in the wrong city.

I’m not saying you have to make huge, life-altering changes right this minute. But change things. Put the plans into place to move your life from “it’ll do” to extraordinary. You deserve it.

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Just Be You:- Don’t waste time trying to fit in, live up to your family’s expectations or be the perfect [fill in the blank]. Just be you. Be messy, moody, opinionated, passionate, eccentric, wild and picky. Don’t eat what you don’t like, don’t go to movies you hate, don’t do things just because everyone else wants to.

Don’t give a single thought to what other people think of you. It doesn’t mean be insensitive, destructive or mean, it means stop caring if everyone likes you. Stop worrying that you’re embarrassing your mother or that the others will think you’re lame. It’s who you are. They can take it or leave it.

There’s no sense in wasting time pretending to be someone you’re not so that you’ll fit in with the people you don’t belong with. Life is short, spend it with people who love and appreciate the real you.

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Take Action Now! :-You deserve better. You deserve a life that has deep connections, meaning, memories, love, and happiness. Take a moment to assess your life…

Where are you not showing up? Where can you do better and stop taking people and things for granted? Where you can you be more fully yourself?

If you only had a year to live, how would you want to spend it? When you have that answer, share with me one step you’re going to take this week to make that dream a reality.

”The Sole Meaning Of Life Is To Serve Humanity”

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”The sole meaning of life is to serve humanity.” Leo Tolstoy

What is the true meaning of life?

No matter what job title you hold, how many zeroes you have in your paycheck or where you came from, I know the true meaning of life can be summed up in one word: service.

Don’t believe me? Ask the 14th Dalai Lama himself. I was inspired to write this post after a stranger who gave me this lovely card. It was given to him during a visit from the Dalai Lama. So I wanted to share this gift with you:

I framed it and keep it in my apartment as a reminder that even though life is an intricate, complex layer of experiences, the meaning of life and key to joy is through giving back and serving others.  I used to think to be a writer would bring me joy.

All of my dreams manifested, however, I still found myself feeling empty. My soul was still not satisfied. I was hungry for something else.

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I believe we are all brought here on earth for a reason. As a child, I remember praying  and asking, “Please use me, use my life to make a difference, to help others.”

I’d ask myself, “What am I supposed to do with my life? Why am I here? Am I on the right track?”

I felt like the Santiago, the little shepherd boy in Paulo Coehlo’s The Alchemist (one of my favorite books) who was searching for the treasure in the Egyptian pyramids that would bring him happiness. I too was searching for that “treasure,” only to become disillusioned after I found it.

After many personal and professional twists and turns, I’ve finally found the joy that I was searching for through serving others via my nonprofit. I believe we all have a power, some sort of talent that comes naturally to us. But it isn’t just about discovering this gift and keeping it to yourself.

As I’ve experienced, the true joy comes from giving it away. I am grateful to use my power of connecting with people and telling their stories to spark civic engagement and ultimately change. Service is the meaning of life and what will ultimately bring you joy.

“Discover and use your power to help others.” Along with this journey, I’ve met incredible people from all walks of life — the true treasures in my life. I’d love your feedback on how these stories made you feel and what you will do to make someone else’s life better.

As you will witness from our stories, it doesn’t take much effort, just a small action. What can you do to serve others? Onward!

 

”The Secret to Knowing If You’re On The Right Path”

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”I was a bit challenged when I was younger to stay on the right path.”

Dwayne Johnson

When I was 18 and started playing poker seriously.

I wanted money. To me, money symbolized freedom. With money, I could do anything. I could travel, relax and have fun.

I thought a certain amount of money would make me happy. But when I finally reached that monetary goal, I realized happiness wasn’t found in money, or anything external for that matter.

I had read books that exclaimed happiness was found within, but it wasn’t until I realized it myself that it started making sense.

I’m all for listening to solid advice and having a good mentor, but you still have to make a lot of mistakes on your own. You won’t get through life by avoiding mistakes.

I’ve been making mistakes on my own ever since I was 18. It took me several years to realize that the fastest way to make progress is to take action and be okay with making mistakes all the time.

A Crossroads: –

After a while of playing poker, I started to realize that it wasn’t something I wanted to do for the rest of my life. I had come to a crossroad and I didn’t know where to go, because the possibilities were seemingly unlimited.

The reason for my overwhelm happened because I tried to use my logical mind to find my path. It wasn’t until I started listening to my heart and doing what I truly enjoy that everything started falling into place.

I stopped worrying about the right path and I started doing what I enjoyed in each moment. This wasn’t something that came easily. I still struggle with this and I think I will be struggling for the rest of my life. The trick is to be okay with struggling because it will always be there.

What calmed me down was the fact that I stopped thinking of my path as an isolated road from where I could never go back or jump to another path. I started imagining my paths running parallel to each other. I could jump around and try other things whenever I wanted to.

The anxiety I had was entirely self-created. At that moment something clicked. I realized that what I really wanted to do was play around with websites, write and help people. I listened to my heart and started learning how.

I found a resource that filled me with curiosity and excitement. Following your heart is simple. It’s easy to increase the complexity of your life, but once you realize everything really is as simple as following your heart, a new world opens up to you.

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Overcoming Obstacles:-

Following this path hasn’t been a walk in the park. I run into obstacles all the time, but what has changed is how I view my obstacles. Instead of looking at them as something that is there to stop me from achieving what I want, I now look at my obstacles as challenges.

They help me grow and understand life better. I have gone from despising obstacles to looking forward to them. The more criticism I receive, the faster I’ll learn. If someone says something bad about my blog, my products or anything I’ve created, I can now look at it objectively and determine if it is true or if the person is just projecting.

There have been times when the going has gotten so tough that I have doubted my path. Should I really be doing this? Or are these obstacles here to tell me that I should be heading in another direction?

I use very simple methods to solve problems like this. I listen to my heart and look at if I am still excited about what I am doing. If the answer is yes, I keep going.

Ever since I have discovered the power of following my heart, everything has become much simpler. I still use my logical mind, but it no longer is in the driver’s seat as it used to. There’s no need for me to try and make sense of everything. My heart knows best.

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How I Deal With the Really Rough Days:-

But what about the really tough times where you feel like you’re going nowhere?

For me, those times have been more on my mind than anywhere else. They aren’t really there. They are what I call “down days”, as they just seem to happen and go away. The best way to take advantage of them is to learn what they are trying to tell you.

There are days when I feel horrible. I’m afraid, frustrated and angry at the world. It feels like everyone is against me and nothing is going right. When this happens, I take a deep breath and acknowledge what is going on.

I often take a day off observing my thoughts. This may seem counter-intuitive as you’re probably accustomed to pushing your thoughts away when they aren’t pleasant, but if you want to get rid of them, you have to learn what’s going on.

I may do a bit of walking, meditating, talking to Ingela or my friends. These are activities that help me. You have to find what works for you.

When I’m feeling bad, I often find that my ego is not entirely happy. It’s not getting what it wants, being validated enough, making enough money, or getting enough traffic.

When I look at these thoughts, I realize that they are almost always unfounded. When I switch my focus from service-to-self to service-to-others, I experience a dramatic shift. Now, sometimes all of this doesn’t work, which is when I try to be okay with my thoughts and go about my day.

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The Secret

It’s easy for me to look at other people and compare myself to them. I’ve learned that the only way I’m going to be happy is if I follow my own path and guidance.

Once you step into your own space and are confident enough to follow your heart, you will feel an incredible sense of freedom. You will no longer be overwhelmed with all the options out there because you know that the only thing you have to do is listen to your heart.

This is how I know I’m on the right path. Every day I wake up, I feel grateful to be doing what I’m doing. If you’re not at this place yet, that’s completely okay.

Stop trying to find ways to put yourself down. It’s cool to not be a superstar right away. Realize what is going on. These are just habits that aren’t serving you. If you’re doing your best and moving towards what you feel good about, you’re on the right path.

If You Think I’m on a right path, Please do follow and share on your social page, friends, and family because sharing is love, You can only have more for yourself by giving it away to others.

”We Are Losing Our Humanity”

”Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them, humanity cannot survive. ”

Dalai Lama

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Here’s something I’m noticing in alarming frequency: there’s a lot of blame happening, especially and overwhelmingly on the internet. And the blame I’m seeing is this pointing-of-fingers on who is ruining our humanity, which honestly seems like a tall order to throw onto ANYONE. I’m not really talking about politics or social justice issues or anything that high level, although that is certainly part of the finger-pointing.

I’m talking about blame in terms of the substance of culture, the quality of our celebrity idols, and ultimately the decline of kind acts and compassionate people. Almost every day I see an update where a person posts something redeeming about humanity and captions it by saying it has “restored their faith in humanity.”

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This is wildly condescending. And unproductive. To shift blame to others and to belabor the “downfall of humanity” by way of any number of things misses a crucial part of this picture: that you are human, too. And we are all responsible for the shape of our planet and the state of our world. To point fingers and blame others is to rid yourself of responsibility.

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And, truly, this is an epidemic: that people believe it is other people’s responsibility to prove to them that humanity is good while never taking a look in the mirror to determine if they are being that proof to someone else today. If you are tired of meaningless celebrity culture, stop consuming it. If you are tired of art that is void of quality, start making the damn art you want to see in the world. If you walk around believing that the way it is is the way it will always be, then you’ve already lost the game. If you are exhausted by irredeemable people, be redeeming to someone else today.

It is not someone else’s responsibility to give you permission to be a kind, compassionate, and loving person today, right now, or ever.

Change starts in you — and if all you do is spend your time focusing on what everyone else is doing wrong, you are contributing to the problem. Just because someone is rude to you doesn’t give you permission to pay that unkindness forward. Just because everyone else — in your eyes — is vapid or vain or devoid of substance doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t stand tall in your own substance, that you shouldn’t think long and hard about how you can shift something, anything in this world so that it better reflects what kind of place you want to live in.

 

Whether we want to believe it or not, we are part of this whole system, each one of us. To blame is to ultimately usurp your own power to make a change, to have an impact, and to create even a tiny revolution of your own doing. By letting other people dictate who you are or what you are capable of is to give them more power than they already have. Take it back and take your back the responsibility of creating a better world for yourself and for generations to come. The more of us who feel infinitely and intimately responsible for what progress humanity makes, the better off we will all be.

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If you’ve lost faith in humanity, others have, and that means even more so that we need to make compassion, kindness, and love the priority in every interaction. It starts with you. It always has.

Stop giving other people your power. Rein it back in. And ultimately, be the damn change

”Real Life and Real Humanity”

”The sole meaning of life is to serve humanity.”
Religion is a broad entity that should add some higher purpose to one’s life and keep you grounded. It is not just a set of rules and teachings that you must devote your life to. It’s what you take from any religion that’s important. All religions give the teachings of love, peace, and unity. It should be something to believe in, and not just something to define our very actions and thoughts. The most important requirement is peace. Where there is peace there is abundance.

”You cannot hope to build a better world without improving the individuals. To that end, each of us must work for his own improvement and, at the same time, share a general responsibility for all humanity, our particular duty being to aid those to whom we think we can be most useful.”

Marie Curie

For me the most important religion is humanity – just being a good human being defines you everywhere. All that you need to work upon is being helpful to the needy at all times and every place. Being loving and caring towards all living beings even plants and animals, and above all to understand another person’s problem and realize the situations they are in and be considerate.

Humanity means caring for and helping others whenever and wherever possible. Humanity means helping others at times when they need that help the most, humanity means forgetting our selfish interests at times when others need our help. Humanity means extending unconditional love to each and every living being on Earth.

”Religion without humanity is very poor human stuff.”

Sojourner Truth

If eating and having fun is only what we are born to do then we should keep one thing in mind; even animals can do this. One does not need a hefty bank account to contribute towards humanitarian activities. Paying our domestic help fairly is also humanity. Lifting the heavy bag for an old woman is humanity, helping a disabled person to cross the road is humanity, helping your mum in chores is humanity; in fact, helping anyone who is in need is humanity.

As soon as we understand the importance of humanity in a day to day life, the purpose for which we are on Earth is automatically fulfilled.